Buffy takes babysteps.

taxi73

keep on plodding xx

beanielou

Keep plodding xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Wednesday was !!!!.

HOWEVER.

I realised something today. I love writing

I sent something to a guy on the dating website I am on and this afternoon I accidently deleted it, was tired and not thinking,

Honestly I had a physical reaction when I realised what I had done.

I so gutted that I can't get it back - he'd deleted it as well. you can only keep so many messages and I have to delete quite regularly. tried writing it again but it is not the same.

!!!!ing idiot.

I am going to write a book. I have always wanted to - written in journals since I was a child. I write differently than here in private and don't often share creative stuff. I actually think I am good. And I do love it. Really love it.

so yeah. Only have one life.

June has been a very bad month over all.

but may be eventually some good will come out of it.

x

elantan

ok i may be talking out of line here and i dont want to tell you what to do etc ... but if your going to write a book could you do one about your journey with depression? i think you have a lot you can share and your honesty is refreshing in the world where people say i'm fine ... when really they aint

not long to go now honey ... keep plodding your getting there

Buffythedebtslayer

Ok.
So June has sucked big ones.

Split with man (which I knew was always going to happen but still nasty)
Car got two flat tyres. - same tyre twice. but not a good experience.
Guinea pig needs massive operation - she must have heard me say I was going to rehome them.
Work - AWFUL.

I know I got a new job which is a miracle. and due to being so sad I have lost weight.


I am very worried about my Girl xxx and then of course there is the money.

the non existent emergency fund is going to be called on and my plan to be only 4000 in debt when I finish is done for..............


I had a half hour of self pity but

1. I do feel freer now - with the man

2. I am leaving work. and all the yucky crap is a reminder of why!

3. my poor Gps. There is no positive here apart from as she was still with me I know the signs and know her so it is the best thing - being with me for now. It has made me rethink a bit though.

My head is back to the spinning place but at least I am spinning somewhere.
x

Wol2

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Ok.


3. my poor Gps. There is no positive here apart from as she was still with me I know the signs and know her so it is the best thing - being with me for now. It has made me rethink a bit though.


x

I'm so sorry you have had a bad month Buffy -

re the Gp's - both their long term and now somehwat urgnt requirements.....please consider my PM suggestions

I know it;s hard - sending you hugs
xxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Wol2 wrote: »

I'm so sorry you have had a bad month Buffy -

re the Gp's - both their long term and now somehwat urgnt requirements.....please consider my PM suggestions

I know it;s hard - sending you hugs
xxxx

thanks Wol,

To be honest seeing my girl like this has really made me think that actually I couldn't give them up. I am so tired now, big day tomorrow. just fingers crossed she makes it. she is interested in food so that is something.

Night x

Buffythedebtslayer

My little (now not so) Tubby girl got through the op, Vet was concerned about her eating and developing tummy problems (obviously she used far more technical language!) so we are on poo watch at the moment. She has wee'd (you are so pleased aren't you!) she is having a prebiotic 3 times a day and special food - which she likes a bit.

Yesterday was so stressful at work and at home that I ended up with a migraine, also am due on so that isn't helping. I was so upset last night about the man. so sad. Fed Gp, went to sleep woke at 1.30 feed her again and then watched tv till 3! went back to bed till seven. head is banging but I wanted to post here.

July is going to be a month of reinvention. I will have 25 days left at work to get through (and I will need a lot of support for that!) and complete my research proposal...... including my research.......

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I am also running (walking, staggering, collapsing) a 5 km race on 21. Done no training! so will be doing my exercise videos as from tomorrow, in the hope that I will be able to walk around at least!!

so it is either, back to bed and then library or back to bed and then sorting out home stuff and library tomorrow.

I do feel better head wise today, as in my thoughts not the pain, my period has a lot to answer for. need to get back on the supplements.

Hmm need to pay my mechanic....

let's not even go there re money.

(huge vet bill!)

xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

My beautiful girl left me today. She started to refuse food altogether last night, got a little into her this morning but took her to the vets cos I was worried about her heart rate and lack of poo.

They did their best but she didn't make. She died about an hour before I got there.

Am gutted, guilty and feeling very wrecked by this plus the last few weeks. She was lovely and did not deserve this ending at all.

Money wise I am royally screwed. The vet has cost me over 500 pounds. Plus I need to pay for my holiday to Center Parcs.

Best go do that.

x

tattycath

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

My beautiful girl left me today. She started to refuse food altogether last night, got a little into her this morning but took her to the vets cos I was worried about her heart rate and lack of poo.

They did their best but she didn't make. She died about an hour before I got there.

Am gutted, guilty and feeling very wrecked by this plus the last few weeks. She was lovely and did not deserve this ending at all.

Money wise I am royally screwed. The vet has cost me over 500 pounds. Plus I need to pay for my holiday to Center Parcs.

Best go do that.

x

(((Hugs)))