Alcoholic Parent

mandi

Sommer43 wrote: »

Absolutey nothing. You cannot do anything. Trust me, I am one.

But you can refuse to engage with them if they are drunk. I lost friends, my children, my husband, my home. But, I had a common sense attack when I woke up in a police cell over two years ago. I have not touched a drop since then and it has been hell. My problems didn't start until I put the drink down.

Am sure you've tried to talk to your parent, am sure you've told them what to do, where to go for help, and to stop drinking.

Alcoholics are cunning, devious and lie, lie and then lie some more rather than face up to their fears. It is an act of terrorism for me, instilling terror in those they love. That's what terrorism is. Plain and simple. I don't subscribe to the "I am addicted and it is a disease" I subscribe to "Put the sh1te down and sort out your life and gain the trust back of those around you who love you and care" If I pick up one drink, I get drunk. One is too many and a thousand is never enough.

Until your parent has been lost enough, lonely enough, angry enough and hungry enough, until they have had enough, they will not get the support. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. HALT.

Nobody could make me put it down. I had to do it myself. My father at my request locked me in my childhood bedroom after seeing a doctor for help with withdrawal as alcohol withdrawal can kill you. And he spoon fed me soup while I begged him for a drink. I will never forget the tears in his eyes feeding his 41 year old daughter who he loved dearly and watching her scratch her own skin till it bled. I'll never forget the face of my 9 year old daughter finding me face down in the gutter in my own vomit. Those are the terrors I still to this struggle with. I set a bomb in my family and they have had to pick the pieces up and now two years later, married again and with a great husband, I have built a life without drink and am much happier than I ever was.

You can only tell the parent your pain, shake them, tell them to stop and leave. Then let the parent carry on or stop. When they stop, then you will have a job on your hands, to help them through it. Until then, there is nothing you can do.

Best of luck.

After many years of posting in MSE about my alcoholic sister . Your post Sommer43 has said everything I wanted to but never could . When I say well done I really mean it .

Thank you and well done . I admire you so much .

`

jaxjax123

I am 35 and my mother is alcoholic, she has been since I was 12 and has taken drugs all my life.

As a child I remember her drinking a bottle of Vodka a night and a couple of grams of speed. We lost our house when it got repossessed, my 3 brothers where taken away.

She then became a Heroin addict and I lost contact with her for many years. I got married had my first child when her father died about 6 years ago. She had given up the Heroin but still used speed and alcohol. I thought I'd give here the benefit of the doubt and give our relationship another chance. Even though the last time I had spoken to her was after she beat me up at 15 and I had to leave home. A teacher put me up for a while and I live on peoples sofas for about 18 months until I found my place.

Her brother died of liver failure 3 years ago after contracting Hep B through a blood transfusion in Thailand. She still wont give up even though when he died she said she wished when went with him and that he mattered more than her own children. She tells me of the bad life she had as a child. Which none of her siblings were aware of, her memories are totally different to those of her siblings who are well balanced.

This time last year I had to walk away from her she always would tell me that her life was so hard and that she couldn't do something, she would always ask me to do things without even trying to do it for herself she'd say it's not my fault you are stronger than I am. One day I just flipped.
As a child growing up this woman would beat us children, have sex with random men in the same room as us when we lived in a bedsit, never encouraged us to go to school, put drugs before us. I could go on..... The thing is I did have the bad childhood thanks to her but I have given my children so far a good life and I am a successful individual.

2 of my brothers were adopted one of them I have been in touch with but the other is not interested. They were taken from me too not just her.

I believe some people are beyond help and are so full of self pity.

jaxjax123

Own_My_Own wrote: »

I know I should read this thread from the beginning but I can't bring myself to do it.
My mother is an alcoholic and she knows she is. But nothing is her fault and she really thinks we had a wonderful upbringing.

I try not to speak to her any more. She only rings here when she is drunk, so I just cut her off a curt comment and put the phone down.
She phoned on Christmas day and called me all the names she could think off.

As sad as it may seem, I think my life will only begin properly after she has died. I am always lying when people ask how she is, and I am tired of living a lie. It will be nice when it all stops.

I am 40 this year, and made the decision this year that when it happens I will not attend the funeral. I have no reason to go.

Sorry if anyone finds this upsetting. I may try to read the thread later, but I don't think I can right now. It will either upset me or just make me mad.:(

I know how you feel. It horrid to have an alcoholic parent and becomes very draining for me and my husband and children. I am made to feel responsible for her actions> I often am made to feel as though I am her parent.

I too will not attend my mothers funeral.