Fed up and niggled

alias*alibi

So today is valentines day. DH bought me a card and some chocolates; all good I hear you say. Not really. He bought me the same bloody chocolates he did 2 years ago, 7 days before walking out on me and DD for an affair which resulted in a baby. This has stirred up lots of negative feelings. The OW profile on FB is currently public so I can see photos of the now toddler and if I'm honest with myself I can see real resemblances to my own DD and it !!!!es me off no end.

Part of me wonders !!!!!! am I doing with him. We've been back together 18 months and its been ok but today for some reason those damn chocolates have blown all my feelings out of the water and I'm angry; so damn angry with everything again and him and wonder what's the bloody point in any of it.

Sorry; just needed to vent. I feel like I'm existing in life as it is because of his past debt and now CSA; then something like today churns up the past and I'm angry and hate him all over again.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

!!!!!! are you doing with him?

trevorsminted

Took him back? Sorry no sympathy bet she got a box of same chocolates or the new women on the side!

Pee

Aw... I have just said on another post how I like Valentine's day and I didn't say, but was thinking, how does it annoy anyone, but I do feel for you.

The chocolates were just thoughtless, ones he knew you liked, maybe? (Or did until about 2 years ago.) Or just some he saw that he liked. Not some that reminded him of two years ago.

Anyway, I am sure he didn't mean to make you feel bad.

At the same time it sounds like there are a lot of unresolved issues around this, understandable given the time frame. Do you feel like you would be better of without him? (That is kind of what I see reading between the lines, but I may have completely the wrong impression.)

alias*alibi

Initially got back for my DD's sake. But today the resentment is there louder than ever. Isn't it funny how something trivial can set off minefield of emotions.

mummybearx

I think you need to talk to someone about this. Either directly to your OH or with your mum/sister/best friend. Or on here I guess.

You obviously haven't got over all that has happened. You need to work through it and get passed it, otherwise all these little things are going to keep coming back to haunt you.

X

alias*alibi

trevorsminted wrote: »

Took him back? Sorry no sympathy bet she got a box of same chocolates or the new women on the side!

Doubt she got chocolates; she probably got 200 red roses and a bloody marching band to boot. Today has highlighted just how unimportant I am; yet again. Last March was my 40th. I can't even begin to describe how utterly sh.it that was.

kelpie35

If I was you I would have more respect for myself.

You and your DD can have a great life that dose not require input from a LOSER.

You would be better making the break now as the longer it carries on the more hurt your will receive.

People like your OH seldom change for the better and you will be the one who is constantly be hurt.

heartbreak_star

I think the chocs were well-meaning but thoughtless - he probably didn't even make the connection (my OH certainly wouldn't remember the chocs he bought me 2 months ago never mind 2 years!).

Have you actually sat down and talked about everything? Or gone to Relate?

HBS x

lika_86

alias*alibi wrote: »

Doubt she got chocolates; she probably got 200 red roses and a bloody marching band to boot.

This is speculation and the pity voice talking, this does not help.

alias*alibi wrote: »

Today has highlighted just how unimportant I am; yet again.

Why? He recognised the day and I doubt very much he has even considered the implication of the chocolates, it may have been very significant to you but I doubt he would even know.

alias*alibi wrote: »

Last March was my 40th. I can't even begin to describe how utterly sh.it that was.

This is done and in the past, if you want a present and/or a future with this man, for your sake or your daughter's, you need to accept it happened and it hurt, but you need to move forward. If you keep bringing up what happened in the past then how do you expect things to get better? Things won't get better if you can't let it go (or at least put it to one side) and keep bringing it up whenever he fails to meet an expectation you are projecting onto him.

I'm not defending what he did but stewing over mistakes made and done never helps anyone.

Joons

Ooooft, ok, get perspective, he didn't deliberately buy you the same chocs so the intention was good not bad. Can totally understand your anger, you must really love him to have taken him back no? You're dealing with a really difficult situation that is not going to go away, ie the toddler. Sorry I found your bit about marching band etc funny, you obv have a good sense of humour even when you are fuming!