He loves me but isnt in love with me?

Jox

You've said he's never wanted to do things with you, I suppose like going out for a drink / meal / cinema etc, are you happy with this or are you just settling for being treated like this?

Wouldn't you like your partner to treat you like a princess or maybe you don't feel you deserve to be treated nicely?

Has he ever brought you flowers, made you a special meal, held your hand, said nice things to you?

If not then why not?

If a man loves a woman and wants her in his life he needs to show it, he shouldn't take her for granted.

Sometimes the treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen philosophy is needed with some men or they get complacent - which is fine if you're happy with that sort of relationship.

Do you have anywhere to go, parents, family etc?

paulsad

Sounds like you see too much of each other - you maybe need a bit of time to yourselves to maybe reignite a spark.

paulsad

Jox wrote: »

Sometimes the treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen philosophy is needed with some men or they get complacent - which is fine if you're happy with that sort of relationship.

Do you have anywhere to go, parents, family etc?

Bloody ell! so that's what the wife's been doing for the last 35 years - explains a lot!!

Jox

paulsad wrote: »

Bloody ell! so that's what the wife's been doing for the last 35 years - explains a lot!!

I have to do this with my hubby everyone now and then, shh don't tell him!

balletshoes

I'm another one who believes the "butterflies" feeling is more to do with lust and possibly missing your partners physical presence (I feel that way when my husband has been working away and comes home, but I rarely feel that way when he's home all the time). I like him being home, thats comfortable and cosy, but doesn't necessarily induce the butterflies feeling in me .

I think you can get the loving feelings back, if you're both willing to work on it, and you're both willing to talk to each other and listen to each other.

victory

So if neither of you work would it be fair to say there could be money worries?

You being ill , did you need a lot of looking after, is he therefore a bit fed up all his time was taken up and he didn't have any me time?

Could you not spend some time with other people?

Any

Sorry, butterflies are just lust, nothing to do with love.
Love is difficult to describe and for some people even identify when you suddenly ask them... it's more about "can you imagine life without this person". What would it be like. What would it feel like. How heart broken would you be. I mean heart broken, not bruised ego or self pity.

Some people mean "I love you, but am not in love with you" as "I care for you". You can care for a friend, you don't have to be romanticaly involved.

I think you need to be sure which "I love you" he means, to be able to identify whether there is a chance in fixing this.

Also - you mention you were ill for long time and there were problems but YOU didn't fix them.. Are you just blaming yourself or you actually know it is your doing?
Are you sure he is not just fed up?

dippydooda

Ah I sympathise PP, must have been horrible to hear that. But do see the positive, him saying he wants to work through and still be with you is fab. Yes there will be no butterflies now, there's none for me and my OH after 8 years but when we've had problems it all boils down to the question- can you see yourself without each other, happily moving on to someone else or is it him you want to be with. I don't get nervy with excitement at seeing my OH at the end of the day but I know he's the only one I want to see and that's enough. I am sure if he wants to and you both make the effort it can be worked out, at least it's worth a go.You just need to both be really honest, say what you want and what you can both do to fix things. It's not just you who needs to try it's him too.

Mojisola

PinkPink wrote: »

We both dont work (i was ill for quiet sometime but i am getting better now) so we are always together but this isnt quality time,

He's probably feeling more like your carer than your lover.

Rather than finding things to do together, I think you should each get some time away from each other. It will give you both some space and then give you something to talk about when you get back together.

bagpussbear

Poor you, that must have really hurt to hear that from your hubby.

Do you think he would be up for some marriage counselling sessions with you, to help get to the bottom of things?