He loves me but isnt in love with me?

Joons

Aaaw, that's not nice to hear, sorry. Butterflies after 7 years, I don't think so. But, you know when you are in love with someone so he's now saying he's not, that's quite a statement to make to a partner, I wonder if he is telling you everything, I know you say he can't cheat cos you are together all the time but with the emergence of dating websites etc, it's pretty easy for men and women to at least converse with the opposite sex, check it's not that. Otherwise, give each other some space, it might just be the 7 year itch, ie, he's maybe not realising what a good woman he has - esp if you are there all the time, tell him you want to work things out but also show him you can stand on your own two feet also.

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Jox wrote: »

You've said he's never wanted to do things with you, I suppose like going out for a drink / meal / cinema etc, are you happy with this or are you just settling for being treated like this?

Wouldn't you like your partner to treat you like a princess or maybe you don't feel you deserve to be treated nicely?

Has he ever brought you flowers, made you a special meal, held your hand, said nice things to you?

If not then why not?

If a man loves a woman and wants her in his life he needs to show it, he shouldn't take her for granted.

Sometimes the treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen philosophy is needed with some men or they get complacent - which is fine if you're happy with that sort of relationship.

Do you have anywhere to go, parents, family etc?

We have never been ones for going out etc when i was really ill and got mega paranoid the few friends we had left.

He is not one for showing me he loves me he has never done it from the beginning and his attitude is if you dont like it leave. I have known this from day one tho.

If i needed to leave id go back to my mum and dads.

I have no idea how to treat them mean keep them keen lol

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Mojisola wrote: »

He's probably feeling more like your carer than your lover.

Rather than finding things to do together, I think you should each get some time away from each other. It will give you both some space and then give you something to talk about when you get back together.

Your prob right, he has always had to get me up, remind me to do stuff etc prob just too much for one person when really now im stable i should be able to do all this myself.

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bagpussbear wrote: »

Poor you, that must have really hurt to hear that from your hubby.

Do you think he would be up for some marriage counselling sessions with you, to help get to the bottom of things?

I did suggest this but he refused.

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Ill have a chat with him later, ive already asked if there is someone else and he told me there isnt, and ive no other reason to not believe him.

System

He is not one for showing me he loves me he has never done it from the beginning and his attitude is if you dont like it leave. I have known this from day one tho.

Well i dont think thats a nice attitude to have to be honest. Does he do anything else to make you feel loved?

podperson

Tbh it doesn't sound like he's putting much effort in. You're together in the house most of the time like roommates but when you want to go out or do something together then he's not interested. He's happy to still be 'intimate' with you but not so much to be affectionate or loving.

It kind of sounds like he's having his cake and eating it at the moment - a live in roommate with 'benefits' without having to put in the kind of effort most people would expect from a relationship.

I've been with my OH over 10 years now and the 'butterflies' doesn't last (or at least it gets less common) but I still know that there's no one else in the world I would rather be with, spend time with, talk about my day to etc. And I know he feels the same way because he makes the effort to spend quality time with me - even though we do both have busy schedules at the moment.

Jox

What has kept you with him for 7 years?

Why did you both fall in love with each other in the beginning?

Where do you see you and him in another few years, is marriage or children in your plans for the future?

I'm sorry you've been ill, maybe he showed his love by looking after you and supporting you through your illness?

Talk to him and ask him what he's feeling.

Does he want you to move out?

Think about what you want from your partner and be honest with him. You have a right to happiness.

Sometimes these crises occur to shake us up and help us to make changes in our lives that can lead to better things.

We can all coast along accepting our lot in life, but when something like this happens it wakes us up and makes us question where we are headed and perhaps there's an opportunity to change the direction.

Good luck

Joons

So what is it about him that makes you feel you are in love with him cos by the sounds of it, he doesn't do much to show that?

Turtle

If you both want to work it out (genuinely) then you can. Me and OH had difficulties after well over a decade together. I felt very taken for granted and we split up for a few weeks (we still lived together but different bedrooms), he was distraught and started really trying hard. That was 3 years ago now, things have been great since, we've never been happier and we're getting married in May, I really can't wait! It shook us both up and we now both make a lot of effort to nurture our relationship. If you both really want this to work and there's enough love, then you can sort it out x