Eh?

jaqui59

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

Is she a friend with him on FB? Are you a friend with him on FB? Can you suss her out?

I guess they must be, but how much do I delve into a 20 year old mans life?

I dont want to put so much pressure on him, that he will stop talking to me. We have a very good Mother/Son relationship.

jaqui59

totallybored wrote: »

Stop it all! If this woman exists she is not the sort of woman you want your son to be mixed up with. He may be 20 and an adult but he's your son and quite innocent by the sound of it. You're lucky that she is on the other side of the world so do what you can to make him see this is not a good idea.

I feel confident that she does exist, and yes she does sound an undesirable, but I cant stop a 20 year old man from doing what he want to do can I ...

He tells me that they have been talking for a year, and that it has got to a point where they really do have to meet .. It could end up that he is paying £500 (the price of the ticket) for a steamy sexual encounter, and yes, before you mention, contraception will be used, and he understands all about STD's

Errata

Is there anything else she has to do?

Probably stay where she is so she doesn't leave her two small children in the care of her drug addled mother

I dont want to put so much pressure on him, that he will stop talking to me. We have a very good Mother/Son relationship.

.
If you think he'll stop talking to you about this, which is completely above the board as far as he's concerned, I don't think you do.

Paddles

If your son feels as though he must meet this woman then I think by all means let him buy her a ticket (not send money) and spend time together and find out if it is anything real. I don't think anyone can really judge someone until they've met them.

This woman has appears to have been quite open and honest with your son about her situation and her problems (mental health etc) and that to me seems to be a positive thing.

I would not have come accross fabulously on paper when I met my husband and had four children, okay I've always worked and paid my own way but nonetheless to go from being a carefree bachelor to my situation was an enormous leap for him and people were sceptical but we are really happy.

Also although I've never had mental health issues I have many friends that do, PND, Bi-polar etc and certainly wouldn't ever think less of them for it. That they deal with so many issues and still manage to make it through the day says a lot about them.

Anyway just an alternative view, I dated a lot on the internet before I met my DH and all of the people I met up with were really lovely and although I did not feel any chemistry some are still friends today.

Good luck to your son OP, at worst he'll learn and expensive lesson and even if this woman doesn't turn out to be the love of his life he may have more confidence with women afterwards.

jaqui59

Paddles wrote: »

If your son feels as though he must meet this woman then I think by all means let him buy her a ticket (not send money) and spend time together and find out if it is anything real. I don't think anyone can really judge someone until they've met them.

This woman has appears to have been quite open and honest with your son about her situation and her problems (mental health etc) and that to me seems to be a positive thing.

I would not have come accross fabulously on paper when I met my husband and had four children, okay I've always worked and paid my own way but nonetheless to go from being a carefree bachelor to my situation was an enormous leap for him and people were sceptical but we are really happy.

Also although I've never had mental health issues I have many friends that do, PND, Bi-polar etc and certainly wouldn't ever think less of them for it. That they deal with so many issues and still manage to make it through the day says a lot about them.

Anyway just an alternative view, I dated a lot on the internet before I met my DH and all of the people I met up with were really lovely and although I did not feel any chemistry some are still friends today.

Good luck to your son OP, at worst he'll learn and expensive lesson and even if this woman doesn't turn out to be the love of his life he may have more confidence with women afterwards.

Thankyou Paddles ... Everything in your post ties in with exactly how i'm feeling. And as I keep mentioning, I am just so relieved that she is coming here which will enable my son to be more in control of the situation.

Paddles

jaqui59 wrote: »

Thankyou Paddles ... Everything in your post ties in with exactly how i'm feeling. And as I keep mentioning, I am just so relieved that she is coming here which will enable my son to be more in control of the situation.

I definitely think that's a sensible solution too, after all if you try and stop him completely he won't appreciate it and might clam up completely. This way he is safer and you and should still be open with you.

I hope it all turns out wonderfully for him and if not, good things happen off the back of it xx

Calien27

Errata wrote: »

Probably stay where she is so she doesn't leave her two small children in the care of her drug addled mother

Must admit, I'm wondering who is going to look after her two unwanted sons whilst she's here, the drug addict mother or the violent father? :eek:

I honestly wouldn't encourage any relationship, online friendship sure, anything else, absolutely not. I know he's 20 but 20 year old's can still be extremely naive, and still need parental guidance. This woman has a lot of issue and while it's nice that your son cares for her, she could potentially drag him down or see him as a way to escape a life she doesn't want.

Make sure your son doesn't spend all of his money on her when she's here, and that she has enough of her own money to look after herself with.

totallybored

jaqui59 wrote: »

I feel confident that she does exist, and yes she does sound an undesirable, but I cant stop a 20 year old man from doing what he want to do can I ...

He tells me that they have been talking for a year, and that it has got to a point where they really do have to meet .. It could end up that he is paying £500 (the price of the ticket) for a steamy sexual encounter, and yes, before you mention, contraception will be used, and he understands all about STD's

So paying for sex with a mentally unstable woman who wants to abandon her kids with a drug addict and violent man is a good idea?!!

365days

jaqui59 wrote: »

I feel confident that she does exist, and yes she does sound an undesirable, but I cant stop a 20 year old man from doing what he want to do can I ...

He tells me that they have been talking for a year, and that it has got to a point where they really do have to meet .. It could end up that he is paying £500 (the price of the ticket) for a steamy sexual encounter, and yes, before you mention, contraception will be used, and he understands all about STD's

Ok, lets say she is a woman, does live in Winsconsin, has fallen madly in love with your son. He still doesn't know what she looks like.

At least with a prostitute you get to see before you buy.

I've been thinking what I would say if it was my son, therefore had an emotional attachment in the issue rather than just as a forum observer.

I would still insist he saw her on cam. He may very quickly change his mind.

claire16c

A year isn't really all that long. Some people on catfish had been talking for a lot lot longer than that. I'm not really sure I'd even see the point in meeting someone unless you really wanted a relationship with them - and realistically thought it could work.

Seeing as she has two kids living in the US & won't buy a webcam it seems very unlikely.