Go it alone or am I being stupid?

Dunroamin

If he's been smoking all the time you were together, why did you have three children with him?

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

If he's been smoking all the time you were together, why did you have three children with him?

She was an exploited child, from the sound of it. Please don't victim blame.

SmarterNotHarder

Couldn't read and run. Presumably your OH was an adult when you moved away from your family? Did they know where you went or did you just disappear? It could be they think you don't want them. Even if you choose not to leave, please try to get in contact with mum/grandparents/ aunts/uncles/cousins/siblings. Your children have the right to a family life and at least this way they have a chance of seeing normal families.

Who do you owe the debt to? Are they friends? Could they put you up for a bit in exchange for you sorting yourself out and getting work?

If you left school without doing your exams then there are free courses you can do while under 25, check out local colleges, again do this regardless of if you choose to leave so you have options in the future. If you're not working you should be getting tax credits, and possibly oh is getting wtc depending on how much he earns. See if you can get those along with child benefit paid into your own account.

Then get to the debt free wannabe board and post your own outgoings and list debt, and an Soa. They're amazing over there.

Get yourself some support, there are help groups for families of those addicted to drugs, and they will offer a wealth of support and advice.

Personally, part of me wants to tell you to call the police and not just about the drugs issue. That is entirely your choice though.

marisco_2

Firstly your post is not stupid at all. The fact that you think it is speaks volumes to me on your lack of confidence or self esteem. To get to the stage where you feel a sensible way forward is to consider becoming a single parent, shows the seriousness of the situation you are in.

Are the debts you have old ones that you haven't cleared from before knowing your partner? Or have they built up while you have been with him? I ask because if he is the only one bringing in a wage then how come all the debts are in your name only? How were you approved for these loans or credit cards when your partner is the sole earner?

I feel we aren't getting the full story here. You seem extremely isolated, dependant on someone who does not make you feel comfy because of their life choices and despite being in a relationship are in debt only in your name with young children.

I think you are right to be concerned about your child starting school and seeing his dads lifestyle as okay. Do you have any friends? Do family or friends visit your house and spend time with you all?

notanewuser

marisco wrote: »

Are the debts you have old ones that you haven't cleared from before knowing your partner? Or have they built up while you have been with him? I ask because if he is the only one bringing in a wage then how come all the debts are in your name only? How were you approved for these loans or credit cards when your partner is the sole earner?

She's been living with him since she was 14.

marisco_2

I have just read the whole thread and realised that you were only 14 when you met your partner. I didn't want to state this in my earlier post but I had a feeling that you are in an abusive relationship.

Maybe not physically abusive but there are clear elements of emotional abuse. If you stay with this guy, who seems more interested in cannabis than the welfare of his partner and children, then your lifestyles and security emotional and otherwise are going to be extremely compromised.

notanewuser

The OP has been sprinkling info all over the site, but not everything appears in 1 place.

She's not just ill - she's having chemo and has operations planned.

And this ba5tard can't give up the weed for her and their children.

Get out OP. You are wasting your life with him.

dizzydolly

ive got mixed feelings about this because i lived with a heavy drinker for 13 years , i left him when he refused to stop , now 4 years on , i still love him and miss him , my son blames me for splitting the family up and i have the stigma of being a single mum , dont get me wrong , its not all bad but do weighh up the pro,s and cons carefully x

Want-To-Fit-In

Sorry I'm on my phone I will try to reply now to everyone. Thank you for replying.

The loans where taken out when I was 18 and working (there was only my son then and I wasn't unwell) As the other children came along/being unwell I had to stop work because childcare x 3 as well as hospital etc it just wasn't practical for me to work. Giving up work and being at home for the last 3 years has seen me lose friends and like I said previously I lost the only contact with mum (which was only really phone calls once in a while) when my dad passed in 2009. I've searched Facebook etc but cant find her, its not something I think she would use.

As for not getting the full story, its not the full story there's alot more things people would "call" but this is the main problem

Thanks again for your replies and I will look at the links left when I get chance later

Want-To-Fit-In

dizzydolly wrote: »

ive got mixed feelings about this because i lived with a heavy drinker for 13 years , i left him when he refused to stop , now 4 years on , i still love him and miss him , my son blames me for splitting the family up and i have the stigma of being a single mum , dont get me wrong , its not all bad but do weighh up the pro,s and cons carefully x

See I think this too, he always says he will make it known it was my choice to leave etc. I don't want my children to resent me for the fact I made the decision to leave there dad.

Edit: The stigma of being a single mum doesn't really worry me, but the kids thinking it was my fault etc does. x