Go it alone or am I being stupid?

Mojisola

Want-To-Fit-In wrote: »

I'm worried of going alone I don't have great health right now and ALOT of debt (All in my name nothing in his!) He is the one who brings the wage in so I'm worried how I will cope being left with the kids and no money etc

You can put your details - as if you had left him - into a benefit entitlement page, like https://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx

Are you getting help from one of the free debt advisors to manage your repayments?

Want-To-Fit-In

samtoby wrote: »

I agree with the above poster - if you had children with the man when you new he smoked cannabis the emotional damage is already starting or if not has already set in with the children as the foundation years of a child is 0 -7 I am learning all about this at the moment myself with my ex and problems. I would get out now if you have no income look at going bankrupt. If he wasn't smoking all the cannabis I am sure you would not be in all that debt anyway.

He has spend around 22k on cannabis.

I don't think I could go bankrupt a lot of my debt is people rather than company's? but thank you for your reply x

Person_one wrote: »

Yikes.

Forget what I said, leave.

Its not as bad as it sounds, but yes I was stupid and regret it (not the children obviously but the cutting ties with everyone for him.

Mojisola wrote: »

You can put your details - as if you had left him - into a benefit entitlement page, like https://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx

Are you getting help from one of the free debt advisors to manage your repayments?

Thank you I will have a look.

No I haven't been in touch with anyone over the debt x

Person_one

Want-To-Fit-In wrote: »

Its not as bad as it sounds, but yes I was stupid and regret it (not the children obviously but the cutting ties with everyone for him.

How could it not be as bad as it sounds? A grown man (presumably if he was living independently) with a drug habit took a child away from her family in order to have a sexual adult relationship with her and didn't even ensure she maintained contact with her parents.

If you've been together 8 years, then you're only 22 or so now but you have children approaching school age so you were pregnant at what, 16? 17?

This was abusive and probably criminal, please go back to your family. Unless they are terrible people I imagine they'd welcome you back with open arms, tears and immense relief that you're away from him.

Ms_Chocaholic

Although he brings in the wage, he spends a significant amount of it on cannabis, financially you may be better off as a single mum, have you checked

Want-To-Fit-In

Person_one wrote: »

How could it not be as bad as it sounds? A grown man (presumably if he was living independently) with a drug habit took a child away from her family in order to have a sexual adult relationship with her and didn't even ensure she maintained contact with her parents.

If you've been together 8 years, then you're only 22 or so now but you have children approaching school age so you were pregnant at what, 16? 17?

This was abusive and probably criminal, please go back to your family. Unless they are terrible people I imagine they'd welcome you back with open arms, tears and immense relief that you're away from him.

Im 22 soon. I had them at 17/19/20

I can't go back to family (my dad passed away and I've no idea where my mum moved onto) That's what worries me about being alone or one of the biggest factors, but I want the best for my children and I'm not sure he will ever change.

Want-To-Fit-In

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

Although he brings in the wage, he spends a significant amount of it on cannabis, financially you may be better off as a single mum, have you checked

Looking at the calculator I would be better off alone financially x

Ms_Chocaholic

What sort of property do you live in - mortgaged/rented - privately/LA?

Want-To-Fit-In

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

What sort of property do you live in - mortgaged/rented - privately/LA?

Rented through the local council/HA

Person_one

Want-To-Fit-In wrote: »

Im 22 soon. I had them at 17/19/20

I can't go back to family (my dad passed away and I've no idea where my mum moved onto) That's what worries me about being alone or one of the biggest factors, but I want the best for my children and I'm not sure he will ever change.

There must be some way of finding your mum, Facebook? Old friends? Neighbours?

Speak to Women's Aid if you're worried about how you'll cope, they are great at helping women get away from bad relationships and supporting them through the hard parts. Its not just for women experiencing physical violence.

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/page.asp?section=0001000100080016&itemTitle=Helpline+FAQs

pigpen

Your parents have spent 8 years waiting for you to ask for help and reach out to them.. assuming they are 'normal' parents anyway.. (they could be horrific evil people, apologies if they are) Try the electoral register and phone book see if you can find your mum there.. facebook is a good place to start too.. do you have aunts/uncles/cousins/mums friends who might be on there and know where she is?

You weren't stupid, you were naive, possibly a little awestruck that a 'man' wanted you and maybe a little bit wanting to be a grown up yourself and thought this was the right way to assert that adulthood. We live and learn and any parent who truly loves their child would want to help you.. I want to help you and you aren't even mine.

I would be devastated if your mums shoes. I am currently tolerating with forced civility my daughters OH.. so I know how it is sometimes.. but whatever I, as her mum, think or feel nothing and noone on this planet is taking her away from me.. I can be civil the few hours I see him because I will not lose my daughter over that cretin.. because one day she will see sense and she will need somewhere to go and I want her to always have me.

There is always Womens Aid if your parents won't have you back, they can give advice and get you back on your feet, in another area if necessary.

I had 3 children at 22 too, so what.. they have always been the centre of my life and that is what is important, their wellfare.