Go it alone or am I being stupid?

Want-To-Fit-In

To cut a long story short I have been with my partner for nearly 8 years. When I met him he smoked cannabis. Over the time there has been ALOT of arguments/promises to stop etc especially now we have children.

Anyway last week I told him my concerns of our oldest starting school etc and becoming aware of things, I don't want my son thinking its okay etc.

He stopped .. it lasted 4 days!! (He smokes every single day. At least £10 worth)

I'm worried of going alone I don't have great health right now and ALOT of debt (All in my name nothing in his!) He is the one who brings the wage in so I'm worried how I will cope being left with the kids and no money etc

I really don't know what to do

Sorry if this seems a stupid post.

Person_one

Has he been to his doctor to ask for help stopping?

If he genuinely wants to quit and this is the only issue making you want to leave I'd at least want him to try every option and get every available bit of support for stopping.

notanewuser

I'm not condoning his smoking, but you've spent 8 years and had 3 children with the man. I'd have been gone if he touched even a single spliff during my first pregnancy. You're in significant debt and he's blowing £3,600+'a year on weed.

By all means leave him if you want to - you don't really have any other bargaining power.

Want-To-Fit-In

Person_one wrote: »

Has he been to his doctor to ask for help stopping?

If he genuinely wants to quit and this is the only issue making you want to leave I'd at least want him to try every option and get every available bit of support for stopping.

No he hasn't but I have asked/told him it could help several times. He doesn't want to stop he enjoys it *rollseyes*

He has only said he will stop because I don't want our children growing up around it.

peachyprice

It's not a stupid post at all. This one of the main reasons I left my ex when my boys were 18 months old, I didn't my want children brought up in that environment thinking it was a normal way of life. The promises to stop never materialised.

There was nothing I could do about it when they were with him, but at least they have a 'normal' life at home with me and know that his way of life is not the only way.

When your son starts going to school he's going to be meeting lots of different children, children's parents that don't live that lifestyle. Does your husband think that friends are going to be allowed to come round to play when the house stinks of dope and when they come home with their clothes stinking of dope? It really isn't fair for him to inflict this on his children.

Want-To-Fit-In

notanewuser wrote: »

I'm not condoning his smoking, but you've spent 8 years and had 3 children with the man. I'd have been gone if he touched even a single spliff during my first pregnancy. You're in significant debt and he's blowing £3,600+'a year on weed.

By all means leave him if you want to - you don't really have any other bargaining power.

Thank you I know. I shouldn't have had the children with him doing it. I believed he would stop, I have no where else to ask advice/speak to I left my parents at 14 to live with him (he's older) and tbh I've sort of felt stuck here iykwim?

notanewuser

Want-To-Fit-In wrote: »

No he hasn't but I have asked/told him it could help several times. He doesn't want to stop he enjoys it *rollseyes*

He has only said he will stop because I don't want our children growing up around it.

If he doesn't want to stop then he isn't going to.

So your choice is to live with it or leave.

Want-To-Fit-In

peachyprice wrote: »

It's not a stupid post at all. This one of the main reasons I left my ex when my boys were 18 months old, I didn't my want children brought up in that environment thinking it was a normal way of life. The promises to stop never materialised.

There was nothing I could do about it when they were with him, but at least they have a 'normal' life at home with me and know that his way of life is not the only way.

When your son starts going to school he's going to be meeting lots of different children, children's parents that don't live that lifestyle. Does your husband think that friends are going to be allowed to come round to play when the house stinks of dope and when they come home with their clothes stinking of dope? It really isn't fair for him to inflict this on his children.

This is also a worry, also if son mentions something at school/smell his dad and social services etc become involved?

Person_one

Want-To-Fit-In wrote: »

No he hasn't but I have asked/told him it could help several times. He doesn't want to stop he enjoys it *rollseyes*

He has only said he will stop because I don't want our children growing up around it.

That's something. Don't underestimate how hard it will be for him, but make it clear you expect him to get that support.

Have a look here:
http://www.talktofrank.com/get-help
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/drugs/Pages/Drugtreatment.aspx

samtoby

I agree with the above poster - if you had children with the man when you new he smoked cannabis the emotional damage is already starting or if not has already set in with the children as the foundation years of a child is 0 -7 I am learning all about this at the moment myself with my ex and problems. I would get out now if you have no income look at going bankrupt. If he wasn't smoking all the cannabis I am sure you would not be in all that debt anyway.

He has spend around 22k on cannabis.

Person_one

Want-To-Fit-In wrote: »

I left my parents at 14 to live with him (he's older) and tbh I've sort of felt stuck here iykwim?

Yikes.

Forget what I said, leave.