Independent education?

kj*daisy

It sounds like this is important to your husband and his family. I think you should be able to make it very clear to any child that they are not better, or are not getting a better education than their cousins, just their family really wanted them to go to dads old school because he really enjoyed it and wanted them to go too. Unless you are completely ideologically opposed to private school then it's probably not worth worrying about now too much. Good luck with having your family.

zcrat41

I agree to a certain extent with the posters who say get the kid first and then choose the best school for the child. However, I think it's great that you and your partner are having these discussions now and have explored your options. It's obviously very important to him and his family and your open discussions now may save a lot of stress later.

Both dh and I are products of the private sector. Although we both had driven and supportive parents I do think the schools we went to had major influences on our lives. We've both had business opportunities come our way that wouldn't have done without our connections from school, I for one had some amazing opportunities to study particular subjects (Latin and Greek) and play particular sports (lacrosse and cricket) that have given us both a lot of pleasure over the yrs. It does depend on your local state schools but near us the exam results are not a patch on private and neither are the facilities.

I'm expecting our first baby rather soon and we are lucky enough that private is an affordable option for us. I will look at the local schools but I very much doubt I'll be convinced. If we had to struggle to pay the fees I would look at other options e g moving to a better catchment area.

Person_one

Are you worried that this is the first indicator of further ideological differences between you?

I'd be concerned too, I think it would be very hard to spend your life and make the big decisions with someone of a very different political perspective and general outlook.

This is why I don't date Tories!

mrcow

notanewuser wrote: »

Pardon?!

"No darling, mummy doesn't believe in god, but is going to lie to get you into the local church school."

"No darling, mummy didn't go to private school, and I don't really agree with them, but I've agreed to send you because somebody else is paying."

What does this teach children?!

Well to be fair, it doesn't "teach them" anything - because no sane person would actually hold that conversation with their kids.

onlyroz

You can be as idealistic as you like when it comes to the "public vs private" debate (whether it applies to education, healthcare or whatever) but when it comes to your own kids you do the best that you can within your financial constraints.

I don't think that any definite decision needs to be made now, but if you think that you have a fundamentally different outlook to your partner on this then it is probably worth having a discussion about the options.

For me, the local state schools are excellent, but I also have one of the country's best public schools just up the road. If I could afford it, would I send my kids there? Hell yes...

notanewuser

mrcow wrote: »

Well to be fair, it doesn't "teach them" anything - because no sane person would actually hold that conversation with their kids.

Not literally, perhaps. But I'm sure lots of children pick up in these conflicts of "what I do versus what I say".

laurel7172

You need to see how you feel at the time. We investigated the local private school for DD, and we expected state vs private to be a hard decision. It wasn't...if it had been £10k pa to send her to the state primary, and the private school had been free, we would still have had no doubt about sending her to the state school. (Let's just say our diplomatically phrased questions about the private school's reputation for bullying received the sort of answer (You can't expect us to get involved in how children treat each other) that made it very clear how the reputation had been earned.) It has to be a good fit for your child. You and OH are pretty secondary, really.

Person_one

mrcow wrote: »

Well to be fair, it doesn't "teach them" anything - because no sane person would actually hold that conversation with their kids.

Kids know though, they're not daft.

We were all aware of exactly what was going on when about two thirds of the kids in my primary school class had parents who suddenly discovered religion in order to get them in the CofE school and then instantly lost their faith after getting the magic letter.

SuzieSue

Person_one wrote: »

This is why I don't date Tories!

And Tories wouldn't date you.

mrcow

Person_one wrote: »

Kids know though, they're not daft.

We were all aware of exactly what was going on when about two thirds of the kids in my primary school class had parents who suddenly discovered religion in order to get them in the CofE school and then instantly lost their faith after getting the magic letter.

They may notice. But do most even care? A lot just go through the motions. My nieces are at a catholic school (they are not Catholic) and I think most of it just passes them by as they get on with their jobs of being kids.