Independent education?

peachyprice

SuzieSue wrote: »

I said that the best state schools cannot compete with the best independent schools (not average independent schools).

Yes, you did. But you also said OP should certainly send her child to independent school because she can afford it.

If she has an excellent state school and an average independent do you still think she should always choose the independent, just because' she can afford it'?

SuzieSue

peachyprice wrote: »

Yes, you did. But you also said OP should certainly send her child to independent school because she can afford it.

If she has an excellent state school and an average independent do you still think she should always choose the independent, just because' she can afford it'?

No, she should find a better independent school as it will have better facilities than the state school.

peachyprice

SuzieSue wrote: »

No, she should find a better independent school as it will have better facilities than the state school.

And if the nearest indepdendent with better facilities to the state school is an hours drive away, she should still choose the independent?

GlasweJen

We are planning on marrying next November and trying soon after. If I am to have a child we want the most time possible with him/her before I need a new heart. It is quite likely we will be using a surrogate which isn't how I'd prefer it but my consultant is very cautious.

In terms of fees, the 7k is for nursery to P5, it jumps quite a bit at this stage but even the high school fees are do-able on OH's current salary without accounting for his parents find which I would rather be used for something else if possible (I know his family have money but that's theirs and not ours).

The reason it's being discussed just now is in the context of long term planning, I don't drive which means OH had to get a reality check when he was talking about sending the children to after school clubs in the schools area when I would be at home (we have chosen a village close to my mums which is on the opposite side of Glasgow).

Person_one

cheepskate wrote: »

I dont think MSE is the place to get unbiased opinions on this subject , seeing as the majority will comment harshly on independent schools with absolutely no experience of them.and will comment just because of the "you and Me " divide.

You seem to discount the idea that there are valid and sensible reasons for being morally opposed to private education.

shirlgirl2004

I don't think you're wrong to discuss it now. You could leave it until the child has arrived and then it could cause real friction. You don't have to set anything in stone now, just be aware of each other's opinions and know if you are likely to be able to come to a workable agreement. You can't expect to agree on everything but at least knowing which areas are contentious means you will be more likely to find compromise.

Dunroamin

peachyprice wrote: »

And if the nearest indepdendent with better facilities to the state school is an hours drive away, she should still choose the independent?

Perhaps not at primary level but I can't see anything wrong with this for older children. After all, it's only the sort of journey that many of us did to go to grammar school.

SuzieSue

peachyprice wrote: »

And if the nearest indepdendent with better facilities to the state school is an hours drive away, she should still choose the independent?

Well, that is up to her, but most people have to move to get their children in to the school of their choice whether state or independent, so I assume she would also be prepared to move.

heretolearn_2

As a way to move this discussion forward with your OH - both take a step back and think about what's going on behind all this.

They are adamant it must be private.
You are adamant it must be state.

You are all being as stubborn as each other, you can't criticise them for their inflexibility when you yourself are equally inflexible. :-)

You all have your beliefs (some possibly true, some possibly not) and experiences that have led to your position.

Perhaps by discussing these beliefs and experiences, without worrying about actually making a decision, you'll get a lot further and avoid arguing about it.

snobbiness AND reverse snobbiness. You think maybe your children would look down on others. Is this because your MIL does appear to be a bit of a snob towards you? That's her, not your children. How your children act towards others is under your influence, not hers. In our family we have a mixture of private and state educated children and they all get along, there's no snobbery or teasing or nastiness. The privately educated ones are perfectly nice...and just as likely to be naughty...just ordinary children. With slightly posher accents than the rest of us :-) but thinking that's a bad thing would be a reverse snobbery, wouldn't it. So you are making assumptions on the future behaviour of future children based on nothing much, really.

His family, well, private education has worked for them and they may not have any real experience or knowledge of state education, so they are also making assumptions. But to understand why...if you've spent a lot of money on something for generations, it's quite hard to accept that maybe you were wasting your time and the free option would have been just as good...of course they think it's better, otherwise they wouldn't have paid for it. That doesn't make them right, but if you can get your head round that it'll help you understand why they are so adamant. No one likes to think they made a stupid choice for their children/with their money, and insisting state is 'better' makes them feel that is what you are saying.

Likewise, you feel that they are being elitist and want a private education because somehow it makes them better people than state educated people. I can understand why that makes you dig your heels in. You are seeing their rejection of state education as an insult. Can you discuss with your OH how the way this is being discussed is making you feel. I'm sure they don't really mean to make you feel this way (well, sod the MIL, but I'm sure OH doesn't) and they need to think about their own attitudes as well.

In reality, all children are different, all schools are different, all parents are different. What suits one will not suit another.

What is important is finding the best fit for your child; that being private or state is irrelevant. You all need to be flexible to achieve that.

If the state school is 'better' for your child, they are foolish in refusing it out of principle. If the private school is 'better' for your child, you are foolish in refusing it out of principle.

It seems less that OH is insisting on private, and more that he really loved his school and did well and thinks your children would love it and do well. If that's true, what's the problem? Go and see the school before you make your mind up now.

Lunar_Eclipse

SuzieSue wrote: »

I said that the best state schools cannot compete with the best independent schools (not average independent schools).

Facilities aren't everything though; the individual child really needs to take advantage of them.

I have a child at a top private school and another at a top state school, as judged by league tables, press rankings and national reputation. There is no disputing the fact that the (sport) facilities are better at the private school, as they should for the fees being charged. The teaching and results are outstanding at both schools.

I would say the main differences in our experience, which is as close to comparing like with like as we could hope for are: facilities, behaviour & time efficiency plus standards in the non-academic subjects. Overall, standards in sport, music, art and drama are poles apart. DD1 went from the A team/district sports in primary school to the H team at her secondary: bit of a shock.

In the OP's shoes, I probably wouldn't worry too much about your differing viewpoints, firstly because children need to be a reality first but also since parenting can really change your views, partly because you never know what unique needs a child might have in advance. Children can be very different to what you expect and also from each other. So I would try to see this as a potential opportunity for future children BUT I also think that when you're lucky enough to have choice, then you'd be a fool not to choose the right school for the individual child and not necessarily follow Daddy's path.