Independent education?

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

Of course, that might well be because of the school she attends rather than because of anything inherent. In fact, many people might think that an excellent reason for sending a bright girl to a private school rather than otherwise

I'm pretty sure many private school girls are still into makeup and fashion!

Noctu

To add my own experiences, I attended a private school for secondary school years. I come from a hard working single parent family and we lived in a modest 2 bed semi in an average area of town. And boy, didn't my classmates know it! I was sidelined and bullied as my Mummy and Daddy didn't have a BMW/buy me a horse/etc. Sounds ridiculous and over the top but that is a honest representation of my experiences there. Bullying was not dealt with properly as the main bully's family were well involved with the school and donated money to it. Despite their acknowledgement that I was being bullied and the other girl was the actual bully (rather than just a silly argument between girls or something) I was taken out of lessons and placed in a disused classroom, on my own, where I worked on my own using the relevant textbooks and syllabus for each class.

I attended a good (top 4 in the town I think) state school for their Sixth Form (A-Levels) and saw teaching of the younger kids as well as obviously being taught myself. The teaching at the state school was actually slightly better than the private school.

I would also add that I was accepted on a scholarship to the private school but didn't do too well in my GCSEs (certainly nowhere near what I apparently "should have got") - luckily I managed to do OK in my A-Levels, got into a former polytechnic University, and flourished there.

My children will be attending a good state school, there is no way they are attending a private school.

SuzieSue

Noctu wrote: »

To add my own experiences, I attended a private school for secondary school years. I come from a hard working single parent family and we lived in a modest 2 bed semi in an average area of town. And boy, didn't my classmates know it! I was sidelined and bullied as my Mummy and Daddy didn't have a BMW/buy me a horse/etc. .

So sorry to hear of your experiences, but exactly the same sort of thing could happen if someone who other pupils consider to be upper class ends up in a state school. Bullying goes on everywhere and if the threads on here are to be believed a lot of state schools turn a blind eye too.

Tish_P

It depends on the kid and the schools available to you. My cousin was sent to an exclusive private school for one term then begged to be set back to her local state school - she ended up with a first from Cambridge, so it can't have set her back too far. I know lots of people who loved (and hated) their schooling in both sectors.

If either of you are insisting that your children MUST go state/private no matter what, before they're so much as a glint in your eyes, that's a bad sign. In a partnership both people have to be able to compromise and look at the bigger picture.

Tish_P

PS - it's also worth thinking about the opportunity cost. Those thousands of pounds a year might do your kid most good if spent on private schooling, or they might do your kid more good if spent on extracurricular activities, educational trips, books, tutoring, their own microsocope, or whatever.

If everyone's willing to be flexible and put the child(ren)'s needs first you'll be fine.

FBaby

Dunroamin wrote: »

Of course, that might well be because of the school she attends rather than because of anything inherent. In fact, many people might think that an excellent reason for sending a bright girl to a private school rather than otherwise

No, I blame the step-mother who relies on benefits to support her family, yet will only buys designer clothes, goes to the hairdresser, leaving with a different style every month, gets botox injections (not even 40), hides behind two tons of make-up and wouldn't be seen dead outside without it... the list could go on, but my daughter adores her and looks up to her.... No private education would get rid of that influence!!

Rockporkchop

If I had inlaws who were willing to fund private education for my children I would bite their hands off! Why don't you just nod, agree and go along with it for now - you can always change your mind at the last minute when you do have children. Just keep everyone happy for now. It's at least 5-7 years in the future - to be frank, both his parents could be dead by then. Who knows what will happen, what the education system will be like, how big the class sizes will be etc.

You are lucky to have prospective inlaws who care about the welfare of your future children. My inlaws don't even know which schools my children attend.

SuzieSue

Rockporkchop wrote: »

If I had inlaws who were willing to fund private education for my children I would bite their hands off! Why don't you just nod, agree and go along with it for now - you can always change your mind at the last minute when you do have children. Just keep everyone happy for now. It's at least 5-7 years in the future - to be frank, both his parents could be dead by then. Who knows what will happen, what the education system will be like, how big the class sizes will be etc.

You are lucky to have prospective inlaws who care about the welfare of your future children. My inlaws don't even know which schools my children attend.

Yes, the OP should be grateful, but unfortunately it isn't as simple as that. It sounds like the OP's in-laws are very controlling and althougth they have offered to help with fees, I think that it will have to be on their terms.

A lot of wealthy people use their wealth to control other people. I think that this is the first of many problems that the OP is going to face with her in-laws.

GlasweJen

I don't think it's my future in laws job to fund raising my child in the same way I don't think it's my fathers job to pay for my wedding.

We are both professionals and we can afford it ourselves, it is nice that his parents are looking forward to their grand child and his mum has made it clear that she wants to be involved which I am happy to do. My mum has invited her to come with us when I choose my wedding dress because she doesn't have a daughter to do those things with.

Her son means the world to me so I will do my best to keep her happy but on this issue it's not "we want baby to be privately educated and will help with this" but "baby must attend X school".

Now X school is a good school now but these things change, my other half is happy to look at other schools (state and private) but, being an only child, there is a lot of influence from his parents and they won't be happy if we choose a different school. Apparently one of their academic awards is in memory of his grandfather (former rector) so the family feel that it is "their" school in a way.

If the school stays as it is now and he continues to work in that end of the city then great, wee one can go there. On the other hand if the school declines or he moves to a different area then it won't work that well (unless we live in the area his family are from but we already decided this would be unfair as he drives, I don't and I would need to get a train and a bus to my mums house).

Lunar_Eclipse

FBaby wrote: »

Well this is where I don't agree at all any longer.

I really don't see how she could be more challenged then she already is and more importantly what would be the benefits.

I was offering an objective answer; I don't necessarily agree or disagree personally.

From my experience (DD1 also in Y8 and similar to yours academically), the increased challenge comes down to numerous different experiences and subjects/activities (Latin, National Debating, Philosophy etc) instead of being accelerated to the next level in a particular subject.

Socially, there is also a lot less pressure. This is a huge benefit to me personally. DD1 is calm and relaxed within herself and very happy at her school.

If I say any more I'll bore myself.