Independent education?

Goldiegirl

SuzieSue wrote: »

Ok, but how do you know that if they had sent him to the local comp that he wouldn't have done much worse than that (or even much better)? They did what they thought was best for their child. Private education isn't only about creating high flyers.

Most parents would be happy for their children to go to a good grammar but they are few and far between and very difficult to get in to.

That's the thing, you never know 'what if'.

It's up to the individual.

SuzieSue

Goldiegirl wrote: »

That's the thing, you never know 'what if'.

It's up to the individual.

So why did you say:

they spent all that money...... and he's still turned out to be just an average type of guy. Nice bloke, but not in any way a high flyer.

His parents did what they thought was best for him,

Goldiegirl

I said it because, when he was growing up, they seemed to have very high expectations of him, and I get the sense they were a little disappointed with their 'investment'.

They obviously did what they thought was best for him, but I suspect they expected more from him.

So I was wondering if they might have been happier if they'd spent their money in other ways.

I should have given more background, sorry.

quinechinoise

GlasweJen wrote: »

Now X school is a good school now but these things change, my other half is happy to look at other schools (state and private)... If the school stays as it is now and he continues to work in that end of the city then great, wee one can go there. On the other hand if the school declines or he moves to a different area then it won't work that well (unless we live in the area his family are from but we already decided this would be unfair as he drives, I don't and I would need to get a train and a bus to my mums house).

^There you go, OP - you've answered it yourself and quite reasonably too. It's currently a good school and a good location and, if those factors remain constant, you are happy for potential child to attend there. Moreover, you have your OH's support, should the school morph into a pile of misfit junk in the future, to seek alternate schools. Sorted.

And, I realise this may upset you, but please do let your parents and in-laws pay for some things. You and OH are their kids and any child you have will be their grandchild. (To avoid grandma-fatalities, just take the cash and assure each one that the money definitely went on the cute pram or whatever they stipulated! Neither needs to know if it actually went into the kid's bank account because you'd already bought all the essential gear yourself.) Ditto with the wedding, if your dad wants to contribute. There's independence and there's unkindness; it doesn't make you less of a person to accept a gift. (I mean it well. It sounds worse written down than spoken.)

Mojisola

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I said it because, when he was growing up, they seemed to have very high expectations of him, and I get the sense they were a little disappointed with their 'investment'.

I know people who have had to live with this all their lives.

The parents make comments about how they spent so much money on private schools expecting their offspring to go into high earning jobs and how disappointed they are at the children's choice of careers.

Mrs_Ryan

I know a fair few privately educated people but ironically the most intelligent one of them went to a state school.
I was lucky - I went to an excellent single-sex faith school that really wanted to be a private school but wasnt I could have gone to a private school but didnt, and the one person from my primary that did is now ironically teaching in a state primary school in a very deprived area.
OP - i think you need to address having the children first. You claim that 'you've got 2 promotions on the way' but on the employment board you complain that you dont like your job as they wont make adjustments for you and you're getting overlooked. So which is it? You also state on the I think it was disability board that your disabilities are getting worse so will you be able to actually sustain a pregnancy?
I'm not trying to be mean or nasty but what I am saying is you need to consider things properly before you start making decisions like this.

GlasweJen

My mum and dad have gifted us the amount of money they spent on my sisters wedding to spend as we see fit, I'm fine with that. I don't like gifts with conditions though.

If my future parent in law want to buy a pram then they can but I'd rather get the pram than the cash to buy it (if that makes sense). MIL understands where I'm coming from in that sense, if she was paying toward the education I'd ask her to pay the school direct, cash gifts are tricky in my culture.

I would be happier if they were flexible on which school because then I could tour them, ask questions and compare the ones I liked. The school they're plumping for is lovely and really not like a "traditional" private school at all even though my other half talks about things that are completely over my head in terms of goings on at his school - they're obviously keeping with the times.

GlasweJen

The promotions are ones that come with qualifications that I'll get regardless of where I work. I'll be promoted when I get certification from the professional body that I passed my exams (takes up to 8 weeks and I passed them 2 weeks ago) the other will come when I've finished my low vision course which is in 18 months time.

quinechinoise

GlasweJen wrote: »

I would be happier if they were flexible on which school because then I could tour them, ask questions and compare the ones I liked. The school they're plumping for is lovely and really not like a "traditional" private school at all even though my other half talks about things that are completely over my head in terms of goings on at his school - they're obviously keeping with the times.

It would be your wee-Jen, not your in-laws' child! Doesn't matter how rigid their views are at the end of the day. I thought the issue was your husband wants his future kids to go to his old school... which "is lovely", in your words.

You can still tour other schools and compare them. There's no harm touring/applying for half a dozen schools. You can verify for yourself whether the school meets your standards and fulfils your criteria. I mean... you'd do that anyway, wouldn't you? To check the school was still how he remembered it, and that it was on par or better than other schools, by the time your child was old enough to attend.

It's... a bit like granddad saying: "You'd better have a boy [grandson] so he can join the First XV like I did." It doesn't mean granddad would reject his grandchild for playing hockey instead - or for turning out to be a girl instead of a boy. Old people say these sort of things all the time.

OrkneyStar

I thought about becoming a teacher and did a few weeks of the training course (the one yr course, after my first degrees). My first placement was at a private school. The teacher was still telling S3-S5 pupils what colour of pen to use, when to underline and when to highlight- I was shocked, thinking I was there to teach science, not when to use a specific pen. I remember thinking what a shock it would be when they reached Uni, and sat there waiting to be told what pen colour to use! Of course this is just one example, and the school had it's good points, but I was reminded of this when an earlier poster mentioned not being ready for the real world.
I went to a local state school, did ok, got the School Dux despite not getting all A's at higher (so that probably shows the level overall of the school). I think my results were quite influenced by having an ill father (he died just as I had finished S5), and not sure if I would have got A's either at a private school, in light of the situation.
The one thing I missed as a child was activities outside of school, in this I mean swimming lessons (mum scared of water, DS on waiting list here), Guides/Scouts/BB's or whatever (DS doing anchors), other clubs like gymnastics or running. These things all add to a child's education and confidence too.