Independent education?

GlasweJen

OH and I are talking about the future, we plan on moving in together in 4 months when the lease for my current flat is up.

As he is older he owns his current flat and we have come up with a financial plan that we are both happy with. We are on roughly the same wavelength in terms of how many kids to have, when to have kids etc BUT he wants the kids to go to the same school he went to which is an independent school. It's co-ed and "all through" so basically junior goes there for nursery all the way to applying for uni. He said he greatly benefited from going there age 9 and wants the same for his children, I went to the local RC primary and then to the feeder high and don't see anything wrong with that.

In terms of his parents, they would be really pushing the independent angle where I'm worried that my kids would think less of my nieces because they are in state schools. His family have been privately educated for at least 3 generations and it is apparent that mum didn't approve of me because of my state school background and massive family (4 siblings - he is am only child). It's taken mum almost a year to warm to me, I fear if I put my foot down here the relation will freeze over again.

Also, despite him being really enthusiastic about private education I'm the one with the better exam passes and wider social circle. He did have access to different extra curriculars, smaller class sizes and amazing school trips but the expense is eye watering, will be worse in the years between now and actually sending the kid there and I'm not sure I see the long term benefit - but then I never had to go through the "curriculum for excellence" which is hitting Scottish schools now and apparently is a total farce and will seriously hinder learning (my friend is in the planning committee and he is considering pulling his kids out of their state school and going private).

We could afford it on his salary alone, I'm expecting a promotion or 2 in between now and this happening and his parents have indicated having money set aside for their grand kids education should we need it so it won't impact our day to day living but I'm wondering if anyone has been through this before and knows anything about the private education system? I know it's years away but we want to be on the same footing for these things before we go ahead with a big commitment.

maman

I doubt you'll ever your OH's attitude and definitely not his family, it's been embedded for generations.

Personally I'm with you as I don't believe that people should have to go independednt to get a good education. However I do respect anyone's rght to spend their money as they feel fit and if there are concerns about the quality of local schooling I would understand their choice.

Obviously, having a school age child is still a long way off but you are raising issues that could be fundamental in your relationship. Do you have different politics and could that be a problem? Also sounds as if lack of his mum's sympathy to 'large' family may signify different religion. This is what would be worrying me at this stage of your relationship.

VestanPance

I honestly don't think the school makes much difference in terms of a child's academic achievement. I think that comes from parental pressure/expectation and the child's own ability.

There are positives and negatives to private education. A private school will provide the best of equipment and facilities, at your expense of course. The downside is one you highlighted in your opening comments. That some will limit their social circle and look down on those who didn't have the privileges they got as a child despite their achievements.

In a city like Glasgow that is really going to limit your outlook with regards to much of the population.

pelirocco

Is your health up to having kids?

GlasweJen

maman wrote: »

Obviously, having a school age child is still a long way off but you are raising issues that could be fundamental in your relationship. Do you have different politics and could that be a problem? Also sounds as if lack of his mum's sympathy to 'large' family may signify different religion. This is what would be worrying me at this stage of your relationship.

In terms of politics I'm a bit of an activist for equal rights, I get involved in local things like the current "restore George square" campaign and I vote for whoever I agree with on voting day. OH is theoretically a Tory but has never actually got off his bum and went to a polling station, he is one of the least politically minded people I know but he doesn't mind my views and supports some of the local stuff I get behind.

In terms of religion - I'm Jewish but don't practice and haven't attended any Jewish related event in years except weddings and funerals. My step family are Roman Catholic but I think that's all nonsense and was seriously peeved when my sister converted on marriage - don't get me started. My mum converted to Church of Scotland a few years back which is the same religion other half was raised in so there's pressure from both sides for baby to be christened into CoS which I'll protest about but only to annoy my mum. Neither of us actually believes in any religion.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Will you be able to keep up with the additional activities, the trips, the uniform not regulated in cost, the parties, everything that is over and above the actual tuition fees?


If so, there's no reason why you can't teach any of your own children to have respect for all people, no matter their social status or income level. Or the influence of one set of grandparents.


What are the arrangements (as you both seem to be planning so far ahead) for childcare once you return to work? A Nanny? A private nursery with links to prep schools? If you won't be there all the time, then you would need to arrange suitable childcare that allows for the child/children to have a chance of sharing some of your values. That would have more bearing on the children's opinions before there was ever any influence from other schoolfriends.

GlasweJen

Pelirocco - my consultant hasn't decided either way but we plan on using a surrogate if I can't carry a child, we understand that the adoption process would be difficult for me as I'm classed as "severely disabled" in the eyes of the local council.

FBaby

I think making a decision on this now would not in any way be in the best interest of your children. It's not about what is best, it's about what is best for the individual child. Some would benefit much more from private schooling, others wouldn't.

My children are both G&T, especially my daughter. I considered private education for her but in the end decided not to because 1- it is massively expensive, would involve a huge sacrifice from me and I wouldn't want her to feel the pressure of performing and succeeding because of it. I would inevitably have expectations for my sacrifices and I wouldn't want her to have this on her shoulder. 2- She is excelling at her current local school and could hardly do any better. She has already reached a level 7a in science (school does give level 8) and a level 8c in Maths (she is in year 8). Although I wasn't convinced the school stimulated her as I would wish, I don't really see what there would be more to achieve by doing so. She loves her school, has settled really well (she didn't know any one at all when she started last year) and I think she would find it harder to mix with private school children (at least the one where I would want her to go).

Saying that, had I had kids with different issues, I might have thought that every of my pennies earned justify sending my child to private school. I really don't think there is any point to such a discussion before you have even started trying to conceive.

GlasweJen

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Will you be able to keep up with the additional activities, the trips, the uniform not regulated in cost, the parties, everything that is over and above the actual tuition fees?


If so, there's no reason why you can't teach any of your own children to have respect for all people, no matter their social status or income level. Or the influence of one set of grandparents.


What are the arrangements (as you both seem to be planning so far ahead) for childcare once you return to work? A Nanny? A private nursery with links to prep schools? If you won't be there all the time, then you would need to arrange suitable childcare that allows for the child/children to have a chance of sharing some of your values. That would have more bearing on the children's opinions before there was ever any influence from other schoolfriends.

Even factoring in a rise in fees and the school trips, uniforms (plural - I mean come on who needs 2 uniforms and a shed load of different outfits for sport) and extras it is affordable.

Child care will be a childminder or nursery before the wee one is 3 and then straight to the nursery class at the school! OH wanted his mum to be our child care as she retired young and is desperate for a grandchild but I put my foot down there we can both get child care vouchers from work and I want my kid to have exposure to other children from an early age.

GlasweJen

FBaby wrote: »

I think making a decision on this now would not in any way be in the best interest of your children. It's not about what is best, it's about what is best for the individual child. Some would benefit much more from private schooling, others wouldn't.

My children are both G&T, especially my daughter. I considered private education for her but in the end decided not to because 1- it is massively expensive, would involve a huge sacrifice from me and I wouldn't want her to feel the pressure of performing and succeeding because of it. I would inevitably have expectations for my sacrifices and I wouldn't want her to have this on her shoulder. 2- She is excelling at her current local school and could hardly do any better. She has already reached a level 7a in science (school does give level 8) and a level 8c in Maths (she is in year 8). Although I wasn't convinced the school stimulated her as I would wish, I don't really see what there would be more to achieve by doing so. She loves her school, has settled really well (she didn't know any one at all when she started last year) and I think she would find it harder to mix with private school children (at least the one where I would want her to go).

Saying that, had I had kids with different issues, I might have thought that every of my pennies earned justify sending my child to private school. I really don't think there is any point to such a discussion before you have even started trying to conceive.

I actually agree and this came up completely by accident. Apparently private education is the only way to a good start and will "set baby up for life". I'm the weirdo for thinking our local schools aren't that bad (and the one where we are planning to settle is excellent).

It is sensible to think of it now from a financial sense, I don't think we would spend as much on a wedding if I knew in 5 years time I'd be spending £7k + on private school/nursery fees.

pigpen

I would suggest getting said child first.. then looking around at the various options. You may get a bright academically gifted child,or one with learning difficulties or physical disabilities. Discussing schools now is all pretty futile.

You can't order a child with specific qualities you get what you get.

Having experienced the horrible bullying at independant school (3 different ones), esp to children who have non-millionaire parents I wouldn't send a dog to one. Little Timmy can't be told off because his daddy paid for the new gym aspect appears rife.

There are so many pros and cons to all kinds of education.. you may even choose to homeschool.. but you cannot possibly make a decision until you know your child.

You have a minimum of 6 years from now before a child would be in school.. you could be living the other side of the world with new careers and totally different outlook and prospects.