Outrageous Liars

madget_2

RevolvingDoor wrote: »

Some of these are so funny!:rotfl:

I know!

And I think that Mr Toad the yoghurt salesman and barbiedoll the giant Toblerone deliverywoman are made for each other. :rotfl:

pigpen

madget wrote: »

I know!

And I think that Mr Toad the yoghurt salesman and barbiedoll the giant Toblerone deliverywoman are made for each other. :rotfl:

A match made in Switzerland.

My cousin tells people she is a secretary .. she is actually a joiner but can't be bothered explaining.

I_Love_Shoes

Another 'my ex' post, there's an awful lot of lying ex partners around!
My ex told me he had cancer and had to have an operation on his neck, I never saw him taking the medication he was supposedly on, or going to the doctors or having any symptoms and he showed me the 'scar' which was like me pointing to a normal bit of my skin and saying "there it is, cant you see it?"
He told me this lie knowing my dad died of cancer and had an operation on his throat. I still to this day cannot believe he lied about something like that knowing that my dad died from it. There are some disgusting people out there.
He also used to tell me he knew all the lead singers of my favourite bands, but when we went to see them he didnt want to introduce me to them in case I embarrassed him! I also checked his phone to check this and surprise surprise, no numbers that he had told me about!
The funniest one has to be that he told me he was going out with a friend to the pub on a Friday night and then he 'lost signal' and couldnt text me all evening. I saw him on the Saturday and he had a stamp on his hand from a club he goes to in another city, when asked about this stamp he said it was from the pub he went to with his friend. Last time I checked none of his pubs gave you a stamp at the door, plus it had another clubs name on it.
I got suspicious and he had left his emails open whilst he popped out so I had a quick peek, saw a reservation for a hotel in the other city where the club is and it actually had him and his ex girlfriends names on the reservation. I confronted him and he made up some pathetic excuse like it was automatically on there from when they used to go out and really it was his friend or some BS. I then told him that he said he was in the pub with his friend and then he said the hotel was actually for another friend of his that couldnt use his login or something silly!
I told him he must think Im stupid to believe this, then I left him!

RevolvingDoor

I forgot to post this earlier because I was laughing so much.:o:D

One of my friends was taken in by a Nigerian man posing as a white guy when they had been chatting online. He had a fake photo of a man, obviously he had found the photo somewhere online!:eek:

They had been chatting for months and he planned on coming over and the day he was due to arrive he called her frantic saying there had been a big incident and could she send him money urgently.

Luckily she didn't buy it and told him to sod off.

Money_Bunny

This made me laugh so much - so it is now obvious to my boss that I'm not doing work-relate research on the internet

I really believe the following:

That the elderly man who used to live opposite had been in the SAS in the 1950s. His wife used to organise the local Poppy Day collection.

That one of my friends gets taken to glamorous venues by a (very minor) celebrity. I remember her hanging around with someone of the same name 20 odd years ago and she told a credible story about how they got back in touch.

So, am I deluded?

How many people are there in the SAS anyway?

Ich_2

So a meeting was arranged in London some years ago by some internet friends, both to meet up and greet one guy who was travelling from Australia for some time working in the UK.

Now as far as these friends knew this Australian was an imposing guy in his early 50's who was an auxiliary fire fighter, owned a farm, ran a computer repair company and was a qualified chef.
He was being employed by a top London hotel!

Well er, when he appeared he was weedy guy about 5ft 3in tall, with "milk bottle bottom" glasses and was nothing like his description, the confusion over the photo was explained by him telling these folk he was being stalked!

He then managed to "stuff" everyone for the cost of his drinks and the meal they all went for!
They never heard of him after that night, after one or two comments he heard regarding himself!

Ah the infamous Nozbash, we still talk about that night and I gained some really good friends that night

lindabelle66

Not long after seperating from my husband, i joined the local Divorced and Seperated Club. At one of the Saturday night "dances" i was asked to dance by a not bad looking chap, we hit it off and spent most of the evening talking and having a laugh. He told me he was an ambulance technician and had lotsof stories about the children he had saved, the little old ladies he had helped etc etc......

He nipped out to the gents and a lady from accross the room came over to speak to me, she and i hadnt spoken before, she had come to warn me about him, asked me if he had spun me a yarn and when i said what he had told me, she laughed, knowingly.

He had told her the same story, and she had found out accidentally that he was actually a hospital porter!


And another one, a work colleage in his late 50s had lots of anecdotes about his time in the RAF, being shot down behind enemy lines and being held hostage, being sent on secret missions etc etc, turns out he was a civilain who worked in the RAF kitchens as a washer upper!!!

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

elizabethdennis

marisco wrote: »

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.

The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too :cool:

Lol!! This driver is witty! I wish I have the guts to try this one of these days.

Mr_Toad

A bit like the one about the man who called the police in the night to say someone was breaking into his house.

Police: We're very stretched at the present time sir, all our patrols are busy dealing with other stuff. We''ll get someone out to you as soon as we can but realistically it'll be in the morning now.

Victim: OK

He puts the phone down and has a think. Then he dials 999 again and asks for the Police.

Victim: It's me again, I sneaked downstairs to have a look and one of the intruders has a gun.

Police: We'll be there in a few minutes.

A short time later the street is full of police cars and armed officers running about getting into position. When the burglars stepped out of the house they found themselves surrounded by large men in black wearing helmets and pointing guns at them.

When the fuss died down the police discovered they'd arrested three local men known to them for petty theft and house breaking. There wasn't a firearm in site.

Police: I thought you said they were armed?

Victim: I thought you said you were too busy to come?

RevolvingDoor

Mr_Toad wrote: »

A bit like the one about the man who called the police in the night to say someone was breaking into his house.

I am a woman and if that happened to me when I was at home alone at night I would probably lie to get the police there as soon as possible.