Outrageous Liars

geoffky

Try keeping up with this lie..I could not..

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2013/feb/03/police-spies-identities-dead-children?commentpage=1

Katgrit

I used to work with someone (a 65 year old podgy balding bloke) who:

Landed a harrier jump jet on a aircraft carrier in the north sea.
Docked the QE2 into Portsmouth harbour when the captain got sick.
Conducted the Vienna Orchestra, after the conductor saw him tutting at his time keeping and stepped down offering the baton to my colleague and saying if he thought he would do a better job to try.
Got a lift home from the theatre after Benny Hill stopped in his limo and offered him a lift in the rain.
Bumped into the Queen in a sweetshop in Balmoral.
Had sex with the whole British female syncronised swimming team after he found them rehersing in the hospital swimming pool in the middle of the night once when he was on-call.
Erm...what else was their???
The IRA were once planning a major bombing campaign on the local shopping centre, and the death toll was going to be so high the SAS used his garage to store all the bodybags in. And their weapons.
About 15 years ago he bought a car with parking sensors (when the were still relatively new things) and I mentioned that my Dad had also bought the same car the week ealier. He then proceeded to tell me abou the tv camera that Renault had inserted into his bumper so he could see what he was reversing towards, as he wasn't happy with the sensitivity of the standard beeper.
Special branch once installed micro cameras in his garage door lock to spy on someone they thought was stealing the newspapers from the recycling box.
Oh, his son went to the cinema once, and there was a empty seat next to his. And half way through the film Joanna Lumley slipped quietly into the seat next to him, did a double take and said "Hang on, I recognise you, aren't you XXXX XXXXXX's son?.
Same son go kidnapped by some spies, or currupt police, I can't remember.
He wore shammy leather underpants because he cycled so quickly they were the only thing that would stop him sweating.
He was Irish dancing champion, and has patent leather shiny black buckle shoes presented to him as a momento.
He was late for work once because a seagul flew in through his open sunroof and he panicked and crashed the car.
Also late because as he was going round the ringroad a wheel trim came off, so he to drive all the way round again to pick it up. But then another fell off, so all the way round again to find it....and carried on with each wheel trim falling off on each of the laps round the ring road.
Late back from lunch because while he was in town at lunch the council roadworks dept dug a trench around his car.
And another time because there was a bomb evacuation on the high street.
And my favourite one of all....
He was 1983 Norh of England Caravan pulling champion.

I was once working the overnight Christmas eve shift, and he arrived late for his 9am Christmas day shift. Why? Because there was an steam train being exhibited at a local steam fair (on Christmas eve don't forget) and some valve had broken and the pressure was buidling up, so they rang him in deperation to stop it exploding. And as it was such a big steam engine it would have exploded and taken out most of the midlands in one big "kaboom". But luckily he arrived in time to avert disaster!! Christmas day was saved! :T

Errata

^^^ I hope you always made sure the knives were hidden

Hezzawithkids

Following on from all the "my child, husband/wife/granny" is ill stories, here's one for the top of the list:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-south-east-wales-21349013

Justamum

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Um..... This one is true! Grade A-c are recognised for 5 years, D-F for 3 years.

I used to be an NVQ assessor and people get the raging hump about it!!

So does this mean that my O levels taken in 1979 are now worthless? How long are A levels valid for? Do degrees expire?

Justamum

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I may go back and delete my posts, because I feel very much like I am being called a liar, ironic given the thread perhaps but I am really not!

No! I think people were just horrified to think that exams they took at school would become invalid - therefore, logically, making their entire time at school irrelevant.

On a slightly different note, apparently if you get a BA from Oxbridge, after a few years (five it might be) it automatically becomes an MA, which is a bit of a con when people getting real MAs from other universities actually have to work for them.

reddishryan

balletshoes wrote: »

I work with an outrageous liar. She has an Armed Forces fetish, and according to her, her partner (who is in his 50s now) until recently was an active member of the SBS, being deployed here there and everywhere at a moment's notice (in reality, he works for a packing company on shifts). In his long and illustrious military career, he has allegedly been parachute-dropped into Iraq, took a helicpoter ride into the back garden at Windsor Castle with Prince Andrew and the Queen popped into the castle kitchen to say Hello while they were all having a cuppa there, and he has also served on the Royal Yacht. All utter bo**ocks. Oh yeah, and apparently he's also related to Ronnie Biggs :rotfl:.

She's so bare-faced about it, its unreal. She regularly lies to clients at work over the phone, doesn't even bat an eye about it. You could stop her in mid-fabrication and say "that sounds like bo**ocks to me M" and she'd still not back down.

I think your friend has been reading a book from an ex-SBS man called Duncan Falconer, as everything you have mentioned (The helicopter ride etc.) is all in that book and happened to him!

Justamum

Erinnire - I love your signature. My eldest daughter is called Erin, so I'm going to have to print it off and give it to her

19lottie82

Justamum wrote: »

So does this mean that my O levels taken in 1979 are now worthless? How long are A levels valid for? Do degrees expire?

When people speak to qualifications "expiring", it means that you can no longer use them for getting in to uni and the like, not that they are now "worthless".

For example. I sat my Highers in Scotland about 14 years ago (eeeeeek) and used them to go to uni as soon as I finished school.
If I hadn't and had applied for uni 5 years after leaving school, they wouldn't have accepted my Highers that I sat at school, I would have had to either re sat them or studied under some kind of uni access course.

But even today, they are useful when I apply for jobs, as they show employers I have qualifications in english and maths.

FatVonD

Justamum wrote: »

No! I think people were just horrified to think that exams they took at school would become invalid - therefore, logically, making their entire time at school irrelevant.

On a slightly different note, apparently if you get a BA from Oxbridge, after a few years (five it might be) it automatically becomes an MA, which is a bit of a con when people getting real MAs from other universities actually have to work for them.

I really did just laugh out loud when I read your signature, I love it!