Nailing a compulsive liar

zzzLazyDaisy

Wyre wrote: »

ETA: oh my! I just googled 'gaslighting' and it describes my ex to a T!

If you have a spare afternoon with nothing do do, watch the film. It is an old black and white, but it is a classic.

I watched it one sunday afternoon with my mum when I was a little girl - it scared the living daylights out of me, but stuck in my mind (probably caused irrepairable psychological damage, LOL).

Then many years later, I married a man who gaslighted me to the point of a breakdown.... and it was remembering the film that made me sit up and realise what was going on.... strange but true! (Actually I had forgotten the name of the film by then, and it was only fairly recently that I learned it is a documented phenomena).

System

You deserve more than to be strung along. The truth is always the truth however painful (plus the fact you need a good memory to remember the lies).

Big (((hugs)))

Paul_01

Forget about hunting for the 'truth'. It really doesn't matter anymore.

Switch your focus and attention to more positive pursuits.

Good luck!

(ps not all men are like that)

DUTR

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

I think telling someone they aren't much of a catch when they are already feeling a little down about the end of a relationship - is more than just bullying. That's abuse. And then when someone tells the person to ignore you - you abuse them. And then tell the OP not to ignore you because that's the root of their problems.

The OP's ex is the root of the problem; and people like you who continue to abuse people looking for help are part of the problem, not part of the solution.

Yes that is what you think and you are entitled to think that, the Op replied in now post #7 of which included ". I thought i had a good guy ! and yes sadly it has tarnished my thoughts.
i suppose i put those questions up there as i had 1% belief in him but i do worry now"
So it appears to OP and me, that they understood the context of which the comment was meant, she is certainly worth more than that I agree with your comment is that the OPs ex is the root of the problem and that she didn't focus on just a single part of the post of my 1st reply.

JimmyTheWig

OP, they all sounds pretty unlikely. Put them all together and it seems as good as impossible that they have all happened to the same person.

I'll deal with the appendix one (question 5). Once they have decided to take your appendix out, there is no delaying it. A burst appendix is deadly (it's what killed Houdini, for example).
I had my appendix taken out 25 years ago. I was rushed into hospital with stomach pains and suspected appendicitis and they took it out. Turns out that it wasn't inflamed at all and that wasn't the cause of my pains (Grrr).
To me this says two things...
1. It is perfectly possible for them to mis-diagnose appendicitis. They could have told him that they thought that's what it was but then changed their minds.
2. If they think it is appendicitis they will take it out rather than risk it bursting.

Technology has probably moved on in the last 25 years. Maybe they can check it with an ultrasound. So it might have been that they thought he had appendicitis and sent him for a scan. Scan showed it wasn't. So there may have been, say, half an hour when he thought he had it and they didn't do anything about it. But I can't see it going on for weeks.
Maybe he wasn't listening when they told him it wasn't his appendix??

nzmegs

I don't think there is such as thing as a "leaky" appendix. Might be wrong. but it sounds fishy to me.

I also knew someone who lied constantly. Got me totally twisted up he told me he was born in a different country (his mum told me otherwise) that he had a daughter he never saw (I suspect a lie - no evidence), that he was the victim of abuse (again refuted by his Mum - but might explain the lies) then he failed to tell me when he lost his job. I left after that....

balletshoes

sparky2012 wrote: »

I wont go into details but my partner and i separated a few weeks ago because i couldnt cope with anymore of his 'stories' and what appear to be lies.
unfortunately i still dont know if some of the things he has said are still true or not and wondered if you could help me by answering the following questions with any knowledge you may know on things.

1. If someone worked for Tescos direct as a hgv driver wouldnt they get a paper contract given ? also wouldnt they get wage pay slips ?

2. If you someone had points on their license is it possible still for someone to get a HGV licence and a job driving for tescos direct ?

2b . If you were an haulage driver for tescos direct would they buy you a george asda coat to wear as part of your uniform and not pay your wages but yet give you a cash converters christmas bonus voucher of £50.00 ?

3. If someone had cancer and was recieving radiotherapy wouldnt they surely get hospital documents or appointments through the post ? and even some sort of medication ?

4. If an account with re-morgaged money got frozen by the tax office four years ago, would it still be possible for this person to get bank statements of this account - to show what is in the account ?

5. if you are diagonosed with a leaking appendicitus would you be able to keep delaying the operation for weeks ? and then suddenly feel better and not go through with the operation ?

6 If you were paying off a tax bill of thousands of pounds each time , surely the tax office would give some sort of reciept to prove these bills had been paid ?

7 if you took london transport to court over a bailiff turning up out of the blue with no letters sent to the property (due to an apparent parking fine ) could you be awarded £7,000 ? and also take the bailiff to court and be awarded £5,000 for the distress ?

Sorry those our my major questions id like to ask for now .. theres loads more and sorry they are crazy questions but my life has definely been crazy for the last 4 years ! I think i know the answers but when you have been for years in what is a bed of lies its really difficult to find any truths. Hes family are sticking by him, believe him and seem to think my accusations are totally ridiculous and that I have something wrong with my head. All i know is that since he has gone i seem to have some santity back. your help will be greatly appreciated.

I'm sure this has already been said - but you don't need to prove any of these things are true or untrue. He's gone, he's out of your life (thank all the gods by the sounds of things, I'd be laughing in his face if he told me some of those stories, I wouldn't be able to help myself :rotfl:).

You're sane (if you just let it all go) and he sounds like a raving nutbag.

Tish_P

I agree with whoever said above that it doesn't matter which of a long list are lies. You didn't trust him, you ended it, end of. I know a compulsive liar whose lies are thankfully easily disproved (like claiming to have fought in a war that ended before he was born) and I understand that getting hard proof would make you feel relieved, but if your ex had enough command of reality to keep his implausible stories just this side of impossible, you could drive yourself just as mad trying to get things striaght now as you did when you were with him. And wasn't that the point of leaving?

Best of luck in getting your confidence back together and moving on.

sassyblue

sparky2012 wrote: »

3. If someone had cancer and was recieving radiotherapy wouldnt they surely get hospital documents or appointments through the post ? and even some sort of medication ?

I think this is a despicable thing to lie about - yet l've heard it happen.

Your ex sounds a raving nut-job OP, don't waste a seconds thought worrying about him or his lies. I pity his next [STRIKE]partner [/STRIKE] victim.

I'm wondering if your ex comes into my workplace - this man who comes in from time to time is the unluckiest person you'd ever meet (if you believed him). The latest catastrophe was him competing abroad in a motorbike race, he had a stroke during the race that left him in hospital for nearly 3 weeks and he's still regaining the use of his arm 6 months later. He managed to finish the race mind you and he drives about with this useless arm. :rotfl: He's also got terminal cancer and his ex is bleeding him dry for maintenance which he pays - yet he can't work due to cancer and the stroke. The best thing about it is, nobody has ever asked him about himself - he comes in to collect his goods and just blathers on.

Takes all sorts to make the world go round.

alias*alibi

Sounds just like my brother. He's a HGV driver but not for Tesco. He's a compulsive liar and completely bonkers. He's been married 3 times; has 5 kids by 5 different women; got dishonourably discharged from the army because of his lies (one being that me and my mum had died in a car crash so he could get compassionate leave to see his girlfriend) and on it goes. After telling his next bit of fluff a whole load of lies after the last bit of fluff finished and me not being able to keep up with his lies and trying to walk on eggshells around his new girlfriend so the truth didn't slip I decided enough was enough and cut him out my life. He is stark raving bonkers! Even though mum knows all the lies he has told and kids he has fathered she's still in contact with the nutjob. Compulsive liars spin such a web if deceit that I doubt they know fantasy from real life in the end.

OP Run and run very fast and very far!

Edited to say that my brother is on Facebook and so is his newest wife; I can see some pictures of his wife and new son on there and catch the occasional conversation via other family members and I just think 'poor cow' as she really has no idea that he has 3 other children (she knows about 1) or the lies he's told in the past. I'm surprised she didn't find it odd that not one single member of his family attended their big white wedding. Surely that must speak volumes but obviously love is blind. I guess people can be fooled and reined in but the fallout sure wont be pretty. I'm just waiting for the inevitable news that he's cheated on this one and fathered yet another innocent child...

Sorry that was a long old rant but I hate compulsive liars after growing up with one who never knew when to stop thus creating some fictitious life.