Nailing a compulsive liar

Tinks32

I really understand where the op head is! I went through this situation with my ex whom i have children with and it is still a nightmare situation. He was a pathalogical liar with a good dose of narcissism! I don't see much of it now because i tend to have little to do with him... Mine lied about cancer, strokes, jobs, women, money actually he would lie about anything and everything! He still would but i try hard not to ask him anything because i know i wont be told the truth... Four years is a long time but that goodness the op never ever has to see him again. It might be useful for the op to get some councelling to sort through thoughts/resentments because he is so not worth wasting any more energy on in bad thoughts...
Good luck with everything...

sassyblue

This has given me an idea for a thread, l hope you're able to read it OP and discover you are NOT alone, and that it gives you a good laugh.

zzzLazyDaisy

I found out that our joint account had been cleaned out and a paying in slip for the same amount into his mum's bank account. He told me that his mum had got into loads of debt and he had done it to bail her out, Straight away I got my coat on and told him we were both going round to see her, there and then, because I didn't believe him - his parents were very against any form of borrowing. S So then he told me her cancer had returned (she had been clear for nearly ten years) and she was in the last stages. He hadn't told me because he didn't want to upset me, but if I went round there and had it out with her, the upset could kill her.

I didn't go round, of course, and it later turned out that both his mum's cancer and her supposed debts were both lies. She never did tell me why he had paid her all that money, but I suspect he had been borrowing off her and his Dad had found out....

sparky2012_2

really i cant thankyou you all enough .. it has been a really confusing time and althhough we only split a few weeks ago , the strength i have gained since him going has been unbelievable , i do feel sane again.
Unfortunately its not as easy to just say goodbye and forget because we do have a child. I worry about what my little one has seen .. in terms of unfullfilled promises and drawn into his fathers fantasies !
I have been with this guy since i was 16 and im 40 years old now ! I suppose i cant help wondering when and why all this happend and is it heriditary ! (i will be keeping a close eye on my little one !)In all the time we have been together .. i only noticed my doubts surfacing in the last 4-6 years.
I do know theres no way i can live a life like that and i know theres nothing than can save our relationship... because he continually tells me im the one who will look the fool when his proof comes out ! of course i thinnk the proof will never come out.
Sadly iv bailed him out with most of my savings , and iv come to realise the re-mortgaged money is unlikely to be in his account, leaving the house in negative equity, . its left me extremely poor but i do still have a job, my son and my sanity ! which means everything to me right now.
thanks all x
ps .. amazingly i never realised 'compulsive liars' existed and its sad to read some of your posts on here how much the world seems swarmed by them ! like a bad disease !

sparky2012_2

DUTR wrote: »

Yes that is what you think and you are entitled to think that, the Op replied in now post #7 of which included ". I thought i had a good guy ! and yes sadly it has tarnished my thoughts.
i suppose i put those questions up there as i had 1% belief in him but i do worry now"
So it appears to OP and me, that they understood the context of which the comment was meant, she is certainly worth more than that I agree with your comment is that the OPs ex is the root of the problem and that she didn't focus on just a single part of the post of my 1st reply.

For your information I did find several comments in your post extremely offensive - but i brushed off your offensive comments and replyed to your post in hopefully a courteous way - thats the story of my life ! and possibly why i got caught in this trap - so i can now only come to the conclusion that i have to put you into the same catogorary as my ex, you certainly have a serious personality disorder, of course you will deny this as he did.

DUTR

sparky2012 wrote: »

For your information I did find several comments in your post extremely offensive - but i brushed off your offensive comments and replyed to your post in hopefully a courteous way - thats the story of my life ! and possibly why i got caught in this trap - so i can now only come to the conclusion that i have to put you into the same catogorary as my ex, you certainly have a serious personality disorder, of course you will deny this as he did.

And I was just going to reply to your post prior to this , saying how I wish you had posted that post 1st time around, as you were with the chap since 16, then yes it is easy to fall into that trap and not be wary of the signs, I done similar not long after leaving school. But I know guys that are the similar to your ex.

So if I have caused you offence then I apologise to you.
24 years is a long time so in truth it will take a long time to 'get over him' especially as you have a lifetime reminder.
Good luck with the future though.

sparky2012_2

DUTR wrote: »

And I was just going to reply to your post prior to this , saying how I wish you had posted that post 1st time around, as you were with the chap since 16, then yes it is easy to fall into that trap and not be wary of the signs, I done similar not long after leaving school. But I know guys that are the similar to your ex.

So if I have caused you offence then I apologise to you.
24 years is a long time so in truth it will take a long time to 'get over him' especially as you have a lifetime reminder.
Good luck with the future though.

Thankyou .. apology accepted.

laurel7172

Another vote for not wasting the energy. You can speculate, but you will never know for certain what lies behind this.

I knew a man like this who seemed to get off on the risk of discovery-even telling contradictory stories to people he knew were in contact with each other, then manipulating both to think the other was a bit unstable. I think he was/is a sociopath, gloating over his ability to pull the strings of what he sees as lesser beings. But the truth is, now everyone in that social group is on to him, he's out. Alone again, looking for another group to parasitise...and then another, but forever alone.

Pity him and move on xx

sparky2012_2

laurel7172 wrote: »

Another vote for not wasting the energy. You can speculate, but you will never know for certain what lies behind this.

I knew a man like this who seemed to get off on the risk of discovery-even telling contradictory stories to people he knew were in contact with each other, then manipulating both to think the other was a bit unstable. I think he was/is a sociopath, gloating over his ability to pull the strings of what he sees as lesser beings. But the truth is, now everyone in that social group is on to him, he's out. Alone again, looking for another group to parasitise...and then another, but forever alone.

Pity him and move on xx

thankyou .. i suppose its early days and im trying to find some sort closure in my own mind . I have googled all the things people suggested such as gaslighting, socialpath, nasscistic etc but he doesnt seem to fit into any of these brackets ... i can only think that he used his 'caring nature' and going out of his way to help others as a way of gaining trust (as this didnt just happen to me he managed to fleece alot of money of alot of people , his family and my family ) - although these stories have only just come out. Id like to think it was almost as innocent as borrowing off peter to pay back paul and then spiralling out of control over the years ... and that maybe hes some sort of 'billy liar' character ... but who knows . oddly i never felt 'controlled' by him and have always been my own person with my own thoughts... but clearly i have been 'controlled' to some degree.
ok thats enough rambling on now because your right i could go on forever trying to work this guy out. ! time to move on !

Maureen43

My ex had a "caring nature". He would help out anyone in trouble.

However, he also stole, lied, cheated, met people for "dogging" in car parks, went on transvestite and bisexual websites and had "encounters" with people he met on there.....

The one was a cover so he could blithely carry on with the other.

Please OP - don't go back to him!