Since when are we not allowed to talk to the children?

vixarooni

victory wrote: »

I was in a shopping centre and sat on my own on a wooden bench ( can sit 4/5 people) there were 4 benches, two very close to the entrance of shops....

A little girl comes and sits on my bench, probably 8/9 years old and smiles, happy, chatty, cute little thing.

I ask her where her mummy is and she tells me in the shop choosing a dress, she had been to the dentist and her mum wanted to see if the dress she saw the other day was still there.

The little girl asked me if I was a mum, where were my kids, do I like the dentist, just the usual chirpy chit chat:D


It didn't last very long, a few minutes? And out from the shop comes her mum.....

She says ' what are you doing?' I didn't answer because I assumed she was talking to her daughter...'I asked you, what are you doing?' I realised she was talking to me....

I replied ' nothing, I was just talking to your little one, she was telling me...' I never got a chance to answer, the mum ranted and raved about having to protect children from 'people like me':eek: she went on to say that no mother gets any peace, grabbed the little girls hand turned round to me and said ' you should think about what you are doing'

I never did anything:eek:

Either she is not a nice lady, she felt guilty in allowing her daughter to leave the shop or she was having a bad day, it left me shocked, embarrassed and questioning myself.....

Since when are we not allowed to just chat to the children?

Perhaps it was the child of the elderly lady you sit next to on the bus with her bad breath and she recognised you!

victory

vixarooni wrote: »

Perhaps it was the child of the elderly lady you sit next to on the bus with her bad breath and she recognised you!

No.....

MumOf2Beasties

Personally I would be more annoyed if my child had starting chatting and you ignored her!!

Used to really irritate me taking my children to the supermarket, my dd is very outgoing and would sit in the trolley waving and saying hello to almost everyone we passed, I couldn't tell you the amount of people that didn't respond, not even with a quick smile rude and ignorant imo.

Agree that children should know it's ok to talk to new people but never go anywhere with them.

victory

I have never really looked on chatting to a child other than just that chatting, being friendly, to ignore them, shame on them, it's just rude and hurtful to the child that is innocent in all this and doesn't understand why anyone would not talk back.

koalamummy

Victory sorry you experienced this horrible incident.

If it helps any all parents are not like this. My children are encouraged to engage with others socially wherever possible. Since birth they have all experienced me chatting/passing the time of day/exchanging pleasantries with everybody we encounter. I personally feel that the art of conversation is a huge part of development into becoming socially competent adults. The more people they meet from differing backgrounds they meet as they grow and develop the more understanding and tolerant they will become as adults....or so I think anyway.

Please don't take this incident as a cue to withdraw from social contact with <18's as I find it upsetting every time my 19 month old daughter tries to engage passing stranger who are too scared to answer.

What is she really learning from being ignored?

victory

koalamummy wrote: »

Victory sorry you experienced this horrible incident.

If it helps any all parents are not like this. My children are encouraged to engage with others socially wherever possible. Since birth they have all experienced me chatting/passing the time of day/exchanging pleasantries with everybody we encounter. I personally feel that the art of conversation is a huge part of development into becoming socially competent adults. The more people they meet from differing backgrounds they meet as they grow and develop the more understanding and tolerant they will become as adults....or so I think anyway.

Please don't take this incident as a cue to withdraw from social contact with <18's as I find it upsetting every time my 19 month old daughter tries to engage passing stranger who are too scared to answer.

What is she really learning from being ignored?

Nothing, she is learning nothing.

In the UK children are way down on the list, whereas abroad, they are taken everywhere, join in everything and are always social and chatty.

Stranger danger is rife the world over for sure but some parents are in a state of permanent anxiety over it

It is true what you say, the more we talk with different people the more we learn, the more knowledge we gather, like travel, experiences, it broadens the mind:D

RevolvingDoor

rpc wrote: »

children are most at risk from people they know and from family members the most.

Yes, exactly.

Own_My_Own wrote: »

I would have stopped her and loudly explained I was concerned for the child's well fare, beings as she was unattended. And that she really should not take her lack of parenting skills out on others.

I would have done the same.

StevenMarks wrote: »

As a 35 yr old man I wouldn't talk to a child in that sort of situation; I'd get up and walk away without speaking.

If I saw a child alone and in distress I'd walk past without breaking stride.

In either situation, the risks far outweigh any benefits. Your child, your problem.

:eek: I think if anyone saw a child alone and in distress they should try to look for the parents or take them to the nearest police station for help!

koalamummy

victory wrote: »

Nothing, she is learning nothing.

In the UK children are way down on the list, whereas abroad, they are taken everywhere, join in everything and are always social and chatty.

Stranger danger is rife the world over for sure but some parents are in a state of permanent anxiety over it

It is true what you say, the more we talk with different people the more we learn, the more knowledge we gather, like travel, experiences, it broadens the mind:D

to me she is not learning though, all she gets from this is that people may appear approachable but they are not. It worries me when I think about how long it will take her to equate lack of friendly demeanour with hostility

Ames

StevenMarks wrote: »

As a 35 yr old man I wouldn't talk to a child in that sort of situation; I'd get up and walk away without speaking.

If I saw a child alone and in distress I'd walk past without breaking stride.

In either situation, the risks far outweigh any benefits. Your child, your problem.

What about the risks of not doing anything and then turning on the TV that evening to see the child's face above the word missing? Which is a far more likely scenario than any real danger arising from speaking to a child and helping find the parent/stay with them while you call the police or security or whatever.

Gavin83

I have to agree with StevenMarks. I'm a guy in my mid 20's with no children. I wouldn't ignore a child but then again I wouldn't strike up conversation either. If the parent was with them I'd be ok with it but there is no way I'd continue a conversation with a child on their own, I'd make my excuses and leave ASAP.

If I were to see a child on their own crying in a shopping centre for example, I would walk by. I've helped out adults in the past but children is another situation entirely. Although I'd want to help in theory, it just isn't worth the hassle. It could potentially lead to me being labelled a '!!!!!' trying to get a child some help and I could do without being stabbed by some sadist dad. As sad as it is, I don't think my view is flawed on this at all, the current hysteria surrounding child abuse could easily lead to the above situation, especially considering the level of mentally unstable people in this country.

The only situations where I would ignore this and help would be if the child was in immediate danger or was seriously injured.