Since when are we not allowed to talk to the children?

valk_scot

Gavin83 wrote: »

I have to agree with StevenMarks. I'm a guy in my mid 20's with no children. I wouldn't ignore a child but then again I wouldn't strike up conversation either. If the parent was with them I'd be ok with it but there is no way I'd continue a conversation with a child on their own, I'd make my excuses and leave ASAP.

If I were to see a child on their own crying in a shopping centre for example, I would walk by. I've helped out adults in the past but children is another situation entirely. Although I'd want to help in theory, it just isn't worth the hassle. It could potentially lead to me being labelled a '!!!!!' trying to get a child some help and I could do without being stabbed by some sadist dad. As sad as it is, I don't think my view is flawed on this at all, the current hysteria surrounding child abuse could easily lead to the above situation, especially considering the level of mentally unstable people in this country.

The only situations where I would ignore this and help would be if the child was in immediate danger or was seriously injured.

May I suggest that if you saw a small child alone and crying in a shopping centre that you bring it to the attention of the nearest member of security staff? There's no harm in that and the security people are used to dealing with lost and distressed children.

fedupnow

I happened across a little girl, about two, wandering around a supermarket car park. Several people were nearby, all watching her but not approaching her. I asked everybody in sight if she belonged to them and when they said, 'No.' I sort of herded her towards the door. I made quite a scene of it, making sure I had plenty of witnesses in case I could be accused of anything. I only ever had any intention of holding her hand or arm if she looked like she might run in front of a car.

As we got to the door a mother came running out and gave me the look of evil, grabbed the poor kid and nearly yanked her arm out of its socket. Panic I suppose.

Might have been the same here. Incredibly rude and also incredibly daft given the kid was much older than 2.

Sambucus_Nigra

I think it might have been the ignoring of the mother that annoyed her; if you'd said as soon as she came out of the shop 'Aah there she is - no need to put a call out - your daughter was just telling me about x and y' with a smile of relief you might have got a different reaction to ignoring her.

Mara69

Acc72 wrote: »

A while ago I was sat on the bus and the small child in the seat in front of me was stood on the chair facing me saying "hello" etc.

I just ignored the child and they looked at me in confusion as to why I didn't talk to them.

See, I think your reaction was wrong. You should have said hello.

thorsoak

victory wrote: »

I have never really looked on chatting to a child other than just that chatting, being friendly, to ignore them, shame on them, it's just rude and hurtful to the child that is innocent in all this and doesn't understand why anyone would not talk back.

I'm with you there, Victory - I hate to "reject" any overture from a child - I'll always smile back at a child who smiles at me, and will chat with any child that tries to engage me in conversation. I have also gone one step further - although I get very angry when I think about it.

When I worked in London, I would often have a coffee in the Pret a Manger just inside Ken High Street Underground. This is a coffee shop which is used extensively by rich muslims, who will always give "alms" to beggars. Too frequently a little girl would be sent into the shop by a minder, to beg. I would never, ever, give her money - but I kept a few sweets in my bag and would give her those instead. To see the sad look on her face when people ignored her/rejected her broke my heart. If the staff saw her, they would chase her out. One time, a policeman was patrolling outside as she came to me - I took her hand and took her to the policeman,explained what was happening - and then her "minder" came rushing up, grabbed her arm and rushed her off. The PC said that he was well known to them - part of a gang and that they would get them and rescue the child - and the others "one day"

The little girl was around 5 years old.

Wellyboots6

When I was little (probably about 5) I got lost in a country park whilst out with my parents. I decided to run round some trees and meet them at the other side, only when I got there they weren't there.

I was terrified but remembered my mum always telling me that if I need help to ask a stranger, but to try and ask a woman with children or a couple.

I found a couple, and they walked round with me until we found my parents. My parents were grateful, not angry with the couple!


I think it's common sense. If a child is distressed then I can't see any harm in helping them, especially if they ask for help.

rpc

barbiedoll wrote: »

That's where kids are in most danger, not from random women sat on shopping centre benches. :mad:

Or indeed random men.

jellyhead

rpc wrote: »

Or indeed random men.

Agreed. My husband is popular with small children, he always ends up walking around at family gatherings with children attached to his feet and legs Random children always try to join in his games at the park and in playbarns, etc. He's no more dangerous to them than I am.

There was one mum (or gran, hard to tell) who was really angry that a child aged around 6 started climbing and jumping on him in a play area. The mum/gran was just sat there reading a magazine whereas we were actually playing with our kid, so obviously the child on her own is going to try to join in. So sad

quinechinoise

victory wrote: »

Either she is not a nice lady, she felt guilty in allowing her daughter to leave the shop or she was having a bad day, it left me shocked, embarrassed and questioning myself.....

Since when are we not allowed to just chat to the children?

Don't stress about it. Yes, her reaction was a shock to you. Don't feel embarrassed: it wasn't you that did anything embarrassing.

Give her the benefit of the doubt (because you are a nice person) and accept she was worried because she temporarily couldn't find her daughter and, as most people know, being worried makes you angry. God knows the times I really shout at my kids are when they've done something daft/dangerous and scared me silly! (I do explain why afterwards but I can't help the initial reaction.) Maybe the kid had wandered off for several minutes, without telling her mom? Teens are pretty thoughtless let alone an 8 or 9 year old.

barnaby-bear

Gavin83 wrote: »

I have to agree with StevenMarks. I'm a guy in my mid 20's with no children. I wouldn't ignore a child but then again I wouldn't strike up conversation either. If the parent was with them I'd be ok with it but there is no way I'd continue a conversation with a child on their own, I'd make my excuses and leave ASAP.

If I were to see a child on their own crying in a shopping centre for example, I would walk by. I've helped out adults in the past but children is another situation entirely. Although I'd want to help in theory, it just isn't worth the hassle. It could potentially lead to me being labelled a '!!!!!' trying to get a child some help and I could do without being stabbed by some sadist dad. As sad as it is, I don't think my view is flawed on this at all, the current hysteria surrounding child abuse could easily lead to the above situation, especially considering the level of mentally unstable people in this country.

The only situations where I would ignore this and help would be if the child was in immediate danger or was seriously injured.

Yep - my take on it too. I might have a word with a female shop assistant or security staff if nearby but yep other peoples lost kids too scary!