Afraid of driving. Help?

margaretclare

I agree with all those who say don't give up. Reason: driving a car is just one of those skills everybody needs to live in the modern world. I've just come back from visiting my husband in hospital. I've no idea how I could live my life if I couldn't drive.

It has been a problem moving between England and France. Someone should have warned you that the French do a lot of things differently.

I feel strongly that everyone should learn to drive at the earliest possible opportunity. I come from a generation where it wasn't always the case for women to learn. Often the guys would learn when they went into the forces, then if they got married they would do all the driving and the woman left it all to him and never bothered. It becomes extremely difficult if/when they are left alone. I know several women who've been widowed and were pretty well housebound with a car sitting outside the front door which they couldn't drive because 'he always did it'.

Don't give up.

pollypenny

That is true, MC.

I used to drive confidently, but after 20 years of working just a mile away from home and allowing OH to do most of the other driving, I have having to force myself to anything more than local.

It's the getting on to dual carriageways and/ or moving over to let someone on that worry me.

Very good luck, OP!

FLA27

Interesting to see a thread on here about fear of driving. I gave up driving about 16 years ago and the thought of going back to it makes me feel ill!

Happily, I was accepted onto and managed to complete the AA Drive Confidence course in February, 2 free 1 hour sessions or 1 2 hour session and it has given me a completely different perspective on my problem.

I realised that my problem wasn't just the thought of actually driving, it was the idea of being in a car that makes me nervous. Speaking to friends who have driven me places, it seems I do not relax in cars. I am working on trying to change my negative associations with cars into positive ones.

I do actually think i will eventually go back to driving which is a big improvement from how I felt before I took the course.

angelil

Talukdar wrote: »

I think you must continue. Don't give up. I think you are not comfortable with your trainer. So it would be best if you change trainer.

Thanks Talukdar. I've so far been through every instructor at my driving school (as well as various others in the UK before moving to France) :eek: My driving school's package included the cost of 2 practical tests - so if I fail this one, I may well look at changing driving schools (which, of course, entails a change of instructor too).

margaretclare wrote: »

I agree with all those who say don't give up. Reason: driving a car is just one of those skills everybody needs to live in the modern world. I've just come back from visiting my husband in hospital. I've no idea how I could live my life if I couldn't drive.

It has been a problem moving between England and France. Someone should have warned you that the French do a lot of things differently.

I feel strongly that everyone should learn to drive at the earliest possible opportunity. I come from a generation where it wasn't always the case for women to learn. Often the guys would learn when they went into the forces, then if they got married they would do all the driving and the woman left it all to him and never bothered. It becomes extremely difficult if/when they are left alone. I know several women who've been widowed and were pretty well housebound with a car sitting outside the front door which they couldn't drive because 'he always did it'.

Don't give up.

Thanks, margaretclare. I am definitely mindful of this as my gran doesn't drive and I know that some day she will be in the situation you describe. I also know that my dad will bear the brunt of it, as his two brothers live abroad, whereas he only lives half an hour's drive away. I never want to be in this situation myself, so this does keep me going.

You make interesting comments too, pollypenny and FLA27. It's always good to know that there are others who don't enjoy driving. I enjoy being a passenger in cars (looking at the scenery etc)...just don't enjoy being in charge of what is essentially a lethal killing machine I would definitely like to do something like the Drive Confidence or Pass Plus course once I have a licence, but don't know if UK courses would accept me with a French licence (of course there are no such courses in France).

Tygermoth

I have a co-ordination and spatial awareness disability so driving was a nightmare.

Tried off and on for years.

Then after a dire (and i mean dire) weekend of public transport issues i did a weeks intensive course - 9/5 hrs for six days and took my test on my seventh bought my car same day and drove to work on the next. I found doing manoeuvres over and over and over again hammered it home the way a lesson here of there did not. Just having to spend such a huge amount of time driving seemed to crack the jitters for me. Passed first time.

I just made myself do it and made myself both do a long distance journey in a complex town i didn't know and go on the M25 same day.

However i was so scared of cocking up in a petrol station i got up at 2am and went to the local 24hr to do it when no one was looking lol

That way i had killed all my daemons and it was easy street from then on.

pollypenny

I didn't know about that AA course. Just checked, it's been suspended due to over-subscription, sadly!

minerva_windsong

Good luck with your test angelil!

The first time I took driving lessons I remember being absolutely terrified - I think it's the thing of being in control of a vehicle that could potentially kill or injure someone or something, and if something bad happens then it's your fault as the person in charge of the car. I'm starting lessons again next month and, although I feel more confident that I did when I was younger, I still feel nervous about that aspect of driving, especially as near where we live has lots of kids displaying shocking road safety and I'm scared I'll hit one of them and get blamed.

lister

minerva_windsong wrote: »

The first time I took driving lessons I remember being absolutely terrified - I think it's the thing of being in control of a vehicle that could potentially kill or injure someone or something, and if something bad happens then it's your fault as the person in charge of the car. I'm starting lessons again next month and, although I feel more confident that I did when I was younger, I still feel nervous about that aspect of driving, especially as near where we live has lots of kids displaying shocking road safety and I'm scared I'll hit one of them and get blamed.

A healthy awareness of the risks is a good thing, but dwelling on the aftereffects of something you will be in a position to avoid doesn't help. Whenever I teach nervous drivers, I can almost guarantee that is the root of their problems, and actually causes more risk than it removes.

As long you you avoid the triumvirate of bad practice which affect almost all qualified drivers - which is easy with practice and concentration - you should virtually eliminate the risk of having an accident. What are the three things? Driving too fast for the situation, driving too close for the situation, and poor observations.

Go into your driving lessons knowing that to start with your instructor will be in control of safety, and that only passes to you as you progress. Once you have learned to move the car easily at will, stop the car easily at will and steer the car where you want to go, you are in a position to stop anything bad from happening - but you have to believe in yourself.

margaretclare

pollypenny wrote: »

That is true, MC.

I used to drive confidently, but after 20 years of working just a mile away from home and allowing OH to do most of the other driving, I have having to force myself to anything more than local.

It's the getting on to dual carriageways and/ or moving over to let someone on that worry me.

Very good luck, OP!

I hope I don't get like that. At present DH is in hospital, but normally he does all the driving, not for the usual sexist reasons, but because he can't get into the passenger seat of our car, or in fact of any car, not even his son's big BMW. His L leg, the one that causes all the trouble, just will not bend far enough to get past the A-frame.

I learned when I was in my mid-30s after a couple of unsuccessful attempts, but finally, I got a job which required me to drive. Following that, I drove without thinking about it, in all road conditions, most weather (the Pennines in winter!) and all hours of the day or night. I've always been glad this was one skill I acquired. In my youth only the 'rich girls' i.e. farmers' daughters, had their own car, the like of me were content with a bike. But times move on. Nowadays I can't imagine not doing it.

I know a woman who worked in Saudi Arabia for 10 years and after that, having been subject to the influences there - the only country in the world where women are not allowed to drive - when she came home it was so much 'in her head' that she never re-started driving. It's possible to get things into your head or hear voices from the past 'oh you can't', 'oh you mustn't', 'oh you'll never'....and so on.

Keep trying. You'll be glad if you do, and you'll regret it for ever if you don't. Actually France should be easier to drive in even though they drive on the other side - remember you go right at a roundabout and not left! It's a bigger country and always seems less traffic when you get away from the busy areas.

Melonade

Good luck for your test :T

I know it's easy for me to say now but don't give up. I passed in February on my 3rd try. I was first out and afterwards my instructor told me that the other instructor questioned if I was ready. Apparently I didn't look well enough to drive lol.

Just keep going, even if it means you have to change instructors. My instructor and the last examiner have both said I'm a good driver and it's my nerves holding me back.

Being afraid of something does make it more difficult but try to think that if you weren't ready you wouldn't be taking the test. You can do it!!!

I haven't drove since passing but will hopefully have my own car in about 2 weeks. I never thought this would be something I'd ever say.

Let us know how you get on