Am I wrong to expect a thanks?

Person_one

quinechinoise wrote: »

This is totally off-topic... You've just really made me laugh, for changing me from Chinese girl to noisy quiche! Sorry. I know it's a typo but I do appreciate the (unintentional) amusement.

Oops, sorry! That's how I read it the first time I saw your user name so that's how I always say it in my head, didn't mean to write it that way!

Person_one

notanewuser wrote: »

Of course. Usually in the same bed.

And if she needs anything in the night it's not daddy (who has to be able to function the next day for clients) that's on call - it's mummy. Hence the 24/7 comments.

There's no pay and the hours are way in excess of the working time directive, but its still the best job in the world.

The only thing that bothers me about the 'being a mum is a full time job' comments is by that logic, you have to acknowledge that working parents have two full time jobs. They don't come home from work and ignore their children, and they still have to get up in the night if the baby does.

Mojisola

marleyboy wrote: »

OH does not need to thank me for a splendid meal, cleaning the plate off with a look of complete satisfaction is thanks enough for me.

All of us thank whoever has cooked that night.

cte1111

I think it's good manners to say thank you for a cooked meal. I expect my children to say thank you when handed a plate of sandwiches even, but if when we all sit down to a proper meal, then at the end, it's definitely correct to say thank you that was lovely.

My 6 year old is probably a bit remiss about this but my 10 year old does usually say thank you - she loves her food.

My OH didn't use to do this, evidently it wasn't usual in his family, he does usually now. When I first cooked him a lovely meal (asked him his favourite foods, then cooked it all from scratch), he said that was "quite nice". I tell you it was a long time before he had another meal cooked for him!

I can understand you feeling a bit taken for granted. The best thing is to sit down with your husband and try to explain to him how you are feeling.

The dating thing, that would be a big problem for me. Perhaps the two of you could use some counselling to try to talk that out.

notanewuser

Person_one wrote: »

The only thing that bothers me about the 'being a mum is a full time job' comments is by that logic, you have to acknowledge that working parents have two full time jobs. They don't come home from work and ignore their children, and they still have to get up in the night if the baby does.

I completely agree.

rpc

Person_one wrote: »

The only thing that bothers me about the 'being a mum is a full time job' comments is by that logic, you have to acknowledge that working parents have two full time jobs. They don't come home from work and ignore their children, and they still have to get up in the night if the baby does.

Cannot agree with this enough!

I'm sure there are some SAHM who have waster husbands (and SAHD with waster wives!) and who actually do do everything in the house.

There are also plenty who seem to think that they get to clock-off when their partner gets home from work, so the partner works all day and then is thrown into everything, on their own, as soon as they are home. The same can be said of working parents who expect to be able to get home and put their feet up and have a rest before starting on home "work."

My wife is on mat leave and, like most people I know, she looks after the children and does chores during the day. I go to work. Those are our jobs, it just happens that I get paid for mine and she does not. We both recognise the importance of the roles we play, but there are no special thanks just because she is at home while I keep the roof over our heads. When we are both at home, the work is shared. I probably end up doing more than half of it (including most of the night wakings) but that is for other reasons.

To suggest that being a SAHM is a 24/7 job and being a working parent is not would only be true if the working parent sat on the sofa and didn't lift a finger when they are home. Most families don't work like that and if yours does, the problem is really to do with being a SAHM.


The self harm is a seperate issue and you need to see your GP asap. You need help to understand what is causing you to do it. Could be depression, low self-esteem, a cry for attention or a number of things but you need to recognise that it is not healthy and seek help. Been there, you can make it right but you probably need help to do so.

Tigsteroonie

I would say that any working parent who doesn't come home and want to then takeover the childcare, mustn't like their child(ren) very much. I am grateful for the fact that although I work all day, my commute is short and I am able to spend time with our son before work (breakfast) and after work (bottle, bath, bed) - it reminds me that "being a Mum" is my primary job, and earning money is secondary

Joons

Is looking after your own children a job??? As for doing it 247 - if you're looking after a child that much then you're making a rod for your own back. Yes it's manners to say thanks for a meal but they won't be deliberately not saying it to annoy you, if that's the way they are I don't see that changing, just don't make too much home made stuff cos they clearly don't appreciate the work you put it. To me the main issue here is your husband being on a dating website - that's extremely disrespectful to you and you need to find out why he's doing this, to me, that would be more concerning than anything else you've said.

notanewuser

Joons wrote: »

Is looking after your own children a job??? As for doing it 247 - if you're looking after a child that much then you're making a rod for your own back.

Well, I gave up a full time job to do it, so it must be. :rotfl:

My DD is almost 27 months old. Of course she needs looking after!

lazer

sorry - butI have to agree with posters who say being a SAHM (or SAHD) is nore than just childcare

If you expect thanks for doing the housework then make sure you give your husband or wife thanks for going to work and earning the money to keep you and the children.

IMO - the parent at home is responsible for the childcare during the time the partner is at work, the parents should share the childcare when the working partner comes home.

All housework should be done during the day, with a meal prepared for the working partner coming home - and dishes done together - or one person does the dishes other puts the children to bed etc.

A housewife/househusband is just that - they look after the house and not just the children.

OP - it is not on that your husband is on a dating site - however is his profile still active simply because he has not deactivated it but he doesn't actually use it or is his actively using it?

Self harm - see your GP immeadiately.

you need to sit doen and discuss with your husband what you expect and what he expects and reach.

My husbband and I share the cooking and I don't think i thank him when he sets my plate down, and i don't think he thanks me when i cook - we are a team and don't need to thank each other for everything!