MOOLOO'S Muddling on into 2013

Savvy_sewing

I spent two hours at the police station in a meeting with them and the housing, carers and social workers. Not a good time. problems still with under age kids at twin1's and with twin2 not going home because of DS and his mate'
the upshot is that he is going to have to come home and I will have to loose my sewing room again.
I a m not looking forward too any of it at all.

whiteguineapig

if he is coming home you must make hard rules
i also don't think that any of his friends should stay over (ever) (but that is one of my rules)

thorsoak

Mooloo - your son is now an adult and, as such HE IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY! I understand that morally you feel responsible, but it does seem as if he too has some problems and maybe he needs more hep than you can give.

However, if he is coming back, you really must insist on rules - absolutely no friends staying over, no smoking in the house, chores shared equally - AND completed before he goes out .....

You know only too well that you are responsible for DGD's health - she's had a nasty cough/cold infection, so smoking around her won't do her any good - and it won't do her any good if she can hear computer/xbox/tv going all night - I think she is a light sleeper, isn't she?

Lay the ground rules down straight, Mooloo - "My way or the highway, son!"

Good luck x

Molly41

At least you wont have to pay the bedroom tax when he comes home:(

whiteguineapig

you can borrow my tried and tested rule if you want

anyone who doesn't live here doesn't eat or sleep here

Savvy_sewing

Well I had a chat with Biggest of Mooloo yesterday. She has said that I should be charging him £70 a week for his room, and drawing up a contract.
But as he isn't earning (yet) then he must "work for me at minimum wages £4.89?" doing jobs for me, helping with the washing, gardening etc etc, and fill in a time sheet of what he does. Not that I can see that working as such but there was the thought that I will possibly make him go to work at the Blacksmiths for regular times during the week, and push that he is working in a part time job around here if necessary.
I will see about drawing up a contract of behaviour, and get him to sign it with my Dad as a witness. He will be so embarrassed that Grandad gets involved.
I don,t allow smoking in my house, and I never have.
Yes DGD is quite a light sleeper, and so I will be making the times on Xbox etc limited.
It was suggested that I didn,t let him have it in his room. But my house is too small, and I certainly don,t want it in my front room. The games are definitely not suitable for DGD.
Whiteguineapig, I will put that clause in.
Not to let them stay over, or to be eating here!.
I need to get him away from his old friends and get him to find new ones here. But thats not easy to do.
Perhaps I will drag him down to the Volunteer bureau and see if we can get him on a gardening scheme or something.
(When I get him to do mine!!).
He will not like being at home, nevermind the fact that I will put in rules in place, as we are not near to any of the things or people he knows but tough.
My way or the highway is definitely going to have to be the rules.

Molly the bedroom tax will be an issue for the twins instead. That was brought up at the meeting.
Twin2 will be hit the hardest as she is on less money having been changed to the ESA, (lower rate still). And of course with DS not there she will have to look at that and the Council tax bills.
Twin1 reckons that she will be able to afford the difference. Heavens knows how, when I often spend money helping them out. But in her defence she has borrowed a lot less then her sister/DS have done.

I am not looking forward to DS being here. But I do feel morally responsible.
I am not looking forward to loosing the sewing space either. I had been working at my machine nearly everyday of late.
The space to put it in my bedroom, is not ideal, but its that or in the front room. But that gives problems of me trying to work when DGD is back from school etc.
Things are not idea at all.

pinkpuppy

Hi Mooloo

I have read this, and all your other threads from start to finish over the years and I think you are definitely to be admired for all you have done, or attempted to do, for your family.

However, having had your son moving back home then moving out again then moving back home etc etc many times before I fail to see how this time it's going to be any different. I will not be at all surprised to read in the coming weeks and months that he has moved in, not helped out, done nothing round the house or garden, stayed in bed late, had his friends over, borrowed money from you, asked for lifts, caused problems generally... You get the gist.

I don't know what you can do but all these resolutions you're making before he comes back home probably won't come to anything. If you don't have to have him at home, I suggest you don't for your own sanity as much as anything. How old is he now anyway?

I know you want to do what's best for your kids and there's something admirable about that for sure. But you have been down this road a million times before. Maybe it's time for a change.

Just my opinion...

Savvy_sewing

I can see where you are coming from. However dispite my reluctance, he cannot stay at his sisters and jeopardise her accommodation, and I would rather he was at home then I had to endure living with a twin again!. I assure you I doubt I could cope with them at all.
I can but try is all that I can say.
The council will not help him and there are no funding for the homeless here as there are in neighbouring counties.
I do not want him on the streets, or he will become even worse.
My hope is to make sure that he is seeking work, and get him away from the wrong uns that he hangs out with.
(Or at least reduce the contact).

*Robin*

Hi Mooloo, :hello:

Been thinking about your problem - DS' not-so-fragrant socks! - all day. It brought back many fond memories so had to de-lurk..
..At various times we have had extra youngsters 'living' in a caravan, a converted shed and even a tent erected in the kids' tree house!

In your case, a largish shed might be the answer; thinking that you want this arrangement to work long-term - so DS isn't hassling to return to his sister's flat as soon as the stresses of living back at Mum's start to show - it seems worth putting some effort into giving DS his own semi-independent space. Let him make a 'den' with all his possessions, a sofa[bed], table and some form of heating.. When he wants to play x-box or Kevin Teen that's where he goes.
..Thus you keep your house as you've already arranged it, without the aroma of teen-man-socks lurking in the corners.

To avoid possible arguments with Planning, allow him to sleep on your living room sofa (then DGD will ensure he doesn't fall into indolent habits; refusing to get up in the morning etc. ).

It's not a totally free option of course; even if your local freecycle comes up with a building, a shed in winter will need insulation and heating, not to forget a concrete base. A caravan would be easier and probably cheaper, but you haven't got vehicle access to your garden, have you Mooloo? ..Could it be done as a one-off or would that mean destroying a hedge?

Would your parents or DS' Dad be able to assist with finances to allow you to consider something like this, in order to achieve a workable solution that means you won't lose your hard-fought-for sewing room?

thorsoak

Hope all is going as well as it can, Mooloo - thinking of you!