Hoarding - A New Start

blossomhill_2

Catriona - ((((hugs)))) for tonight's sad news

PQ - you know you don't have the cork - no wasting hours searching among 99 other objects - so if you accidentally declutter one item in a hundred that you might actually need but is replaceable then it's all good - focus on the 99

I am about to declutter a squash racquet and a tennis one - if DD does ever decide to play again she can hire them, that's a small price to pay to be able to walk around here without taking crab-steps (scooter still to go, skates gone)

blossomhill_2

Re not feeling good enough - I went through some old school reports yesterday, mine and DS's - DS was a straight A student but all the teachers' comments were things like "xxxx did some good work this term" and "xxxx works hard" - was it really beyond them to be a little more enthusiastic about results of 90% plus - something like "xxx's hard work this term has been reflected in their achievement of 98% against a class average of 80%" wouldn't have encouraged complacency but might have been a bit more appropriate

tattycath

((hugs)) Catriona_P
When I split up with my ex my head was all over the place-I left him. it turned out to be one of the best decisions -I would never have been as happy with my self and family had we not split up. xx
Everything happens for a reason xx

Byatt

Catriona, I am so sorry about your sad news. I don't know if it was expected but even so, it's not easy to hear. Hugs.

I'm not one that believes things happen for a reason, I believe things just happen, it's all part of life.

Vj's mum, your post was thought provoking. I realise I accept that my parents made mistakes and I don't have a problem with that, they were products of their upbringing too, but I do have problems (did?) as a result of their choices, life style and values which affected all of us children (4 of us) negatively. None of us came away unscathed. Admittedly my mother now would probably be diagnosed with a mental illness. Our lives were ruled by the "spirit world" in every sense.

BH, the ring on my phone is the standard, brr brrr...always has been. I see what you are suggesting and will look into a new phone with a different ring.

Thinking about not being good enough, I realise it's more to do with not being liked, or not being liked once people really know me. Of course I am liked by people who really know me, so then I think what is really bothering me, and then it I think oh, it's because of ex and his demonising of me (him and his family), to justify what he did...and I think it's a remembered feeling, not fact. Then specifically I think no man is going to love me, I am unloveable...after all the man who knew me 30 years considered me unloveable and he knew me at my best. So really, I am letting someone have too much power to affect me after all this time...which has to stop, I am making a concerted effort to stop it.

VJsmum

Catriona - missed your post last night; So sorry for your news. My sister is going through the same.

Byatt - my post wasn't to say that everyone should feel that. My mother's mistakes were not so severe as some I've read about on here. It was just my take on my upbringing. I adored my mum and would never be angry with her, but that doesn't mean I think she was perfect. I realise that it is a fortunate position for me to be in.

Yellow_One

Catriona I am so sorry to hear that news. Two years ago I split from my husband and a couple of months later he asked for divorce. I then find out two weeks after he asks that he has been cheating for several months. It was a hard and painful time and I left the job I loved and moved back home 100 miles away from him and all of my friends. It was the best decision I made. I now have a wonderful boyfriend.

Back to hoarding though, I used the time I moved home to get rid of loads of stuff. Through one particular bad night I sat there for four hours solid and ripped my wedding dress t shreds, the fabric then went on Freecycle. I got rid of my wedding dress box and all of the things that could be reused. Now I try not to buy the things I know deep down I will not use and end of getting rid of. This does not always work but I am now so much better.

When you go through such a painful time it puts a lot of basics into perspective. Maybe not today, maybe not next week but be strong.

Lots of love xxx

sevenup01

Catriona (((hugs)))that is so sad to hear.

I have had a busy day and have decluttered all of one item - a small can od WD40. I would have preferred not to declutter it as it was a new can and needed to stop the bathroom door squeaking but my 5yr old darling daughter thought it was a room spray and sprayed it all over my bed, fabric headboard and bedside cabinet last night when she was supposed to be asleep! Cousin who was babysitting only realised when the appalling stench crept downstairs.

Brighton_belle

Byatt wrote: »

I'm not one that believes things happen for a reason, I believe things just happen, it's all part of life.

I feel the same Byatt - life is just random as far as I am concerned. In fact I have found it much much easier to cope with life's painful difficulties since I stop believing that any higher power was looking out for me. Makes me feel less victimised and rejected when bad things happen.
And it helps me be proactive about the things I can change, instead of sitting around waitng to the good fairies to drop things in my lap.
I do recognise though that we all need to find our own way of coping and if 'things happen for a reason' helps others, then that's fine by me.

This morning, while waiting for the kettle to boil before coming back to bed with a hotwater bottle and a lie in, I cleared 5 food items from my kitchen shelves long since past their sell by date. I think I had seen them before but thought, I really could still use them up. X months on I haven't so they have now gone.

decogecko

Catriona big hug to you. Hope you have a good support network in RL and of course you have us rooting for you.

In regards to not feeling good enough - for me it's not about how my parents treated me per se (I know I am loved by both my parents but I had to accept some hard truths about my Dad and I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that my mum finds me dull), which I know would break her heart if I told her that's how she makes me feel) like Byatt I worry that when I meet people they won't like me.

In regards to having a relationship I don't feel anyone would accept me for me, they haven't so far. I wasn't good enough for late OH and don't see how I can be good enough for anyone else.

Getting rid of 'things' that were physical reminders has been the first step for instance I got rid of photos of me in my teens with people who I thought were my friends but I was able to throw them away as I now know what true friendship is and didn't want to be physically reminded of people who did not care/value me.

Deco x

procrastinator

Hi

Some very thoughtful insights posted recently it really makes me think hard about how I got to where I am now, I don't feel able to share my head stuff, however your posts make me feel I'm not alone and can overcome past experiences. A big thank you to all who have shared. It does help.

Busy week so very little done on the hoarding front however the bag of clothes I put out on Thurs was collected so I'm going to fill another one and put it out when the next collection is due. If not gone by next Fri will take it to the bank in the SM car park.

Yesterday spent half of the day in bed playing games instead of doing but I often find I switch off when I've had an intense week. Also when the busy-ness stops the sadness takes over. However that was then, today I must accomplish something otherwise the weekend will be another wasted one. Will try and clear another corner of the bedroom. Have lots of washing to catch up on and need to do some cooking to use up overstocked fridge. Planning on making some soups for work and dinners for when I get home late and exhausted. The stash of OOD foodstuffs hasn't gone down much so will see if I can clear some of that.