Hoarding - A New Start

Byatt

lostinrates wrote: »

Byatt, sorry about the black dog. Wouldn't it be great if balls to throw for them were as easy to find?

Thanks LIR, yes, what a fab solution!

decogecko

Took some more stuff to CS today.

TBH although a lot of 'stuff' has gone (which has been a very liberating and enlightening for me) it has dredged up feelings that I'm not sure what to do with. Some of it has made me realise that I'm either not the person I thought I was (fantasy self) and that my experiences over the last 3 years have altered my world view.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need to be me and I need to be no longer afraid of being myself. But I am. I've stripped away most of physical 'stuff' which I am truly grateful for everyone on the thread for their support, LBMs for helping me to do. I'm so pleased that I can finally 'breath' in my home (and it feels like home now, which it didn't before I started on this journey). But I think I need to work on dericharding some of the emotions/feelings that are holding me back.

I'm still on my dericharding of my 'stuff' journey but at a slower pace.

Thanks again all

Deco

tattycath

On a more positive note DH has managed to declutter a load of junk in the garden to the tip. so at least something has been achieved this weekend so far.

Byatt

decogecko wrote: »

Took some more stuff to CS today.

TBH although a lot of 'stuff' has gone (which has been a very liberating and enlightening for me) it has dredged up feelings that I'm not sure what to do with. Some of it has made me realise that I'm either not the person I thought I was (fantasy self) and that my experiences over the last 3 years have altered my world view.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need to be me and I need to be no longer afraid of being myself. But I am. I've stripped away most of physical 'stuff' which I am truly grateful for everyone on the thread for their support, LBMs for helping me to do. I'm so pleased that I can finally 'breath' in my home (and it feels like home now, which it didn't before I started on this journey). But I think I need to work on dericharding some of the emotions/feelings that are holding me back.

I'm still on my dericharding of my 'stuff' journey but at a slower pace.

Thanks again all

Deco

decko, that's what I'm feeling too, and trying to do and you said it so eloquently. For so long I've just kept going because I had to, but letting go of the safety net/wall to be who I am is very scary indeed. At the moment it feels like a bungy jump (not that I've ever done one :eek:), where I'm clinging on for dear life and people are saying go on, do it!

tattycath

I've just had a conversation with DH that if we got rid of some !!!! we would have room to store clothes detergent so we could bulk buy and get it cheaper (that's the plan anyway).
Problem is all these ideas sound great and I can really talk the talk-it's just implementing them that I find so difficult.

decogecko

Byatt- never done a bungee jump either (scared of heights :eek) I did the 'feel the fear and do it anyway' with some collectables I used to collect through my teens and that was easier than dericharding some of my feelings (although it was incredibly difficult of me to let those collectables go and I've had pangs of 'what have I done').

The biggest, most overwhelming feeling I need to derichard is the lifelong feeling of I'm not good enough.

I had some CBT counselling a couple of years ago and I feel the time is right for me to restart this.

Deco

Byatt

Decko, yep I'm scared of heights too!

I think counselling is a good idea, I know it helps me as a kick start to dealing with emotions. I think that's where my black dog has come from, working through the rough stuff which includes me being brutally honest with myself.

I am volunteering for a couple of things, not been yet, watch this space, and I hope to make myself go, even if intitially I;m thinking, oh I don't have to go again! One is helping with literacy and the other is a couple of weekends a year being a guide/receptionist for an historical house. Both are big steps for me however.

tattycath

decogecko wrote: »

Byatt- never done a bungee jump either (scared of heights :eek) I did the 'feel the fear and do it anyway' with some collectables I used to collect through my teens and that was easier than dericharding some of my feelings (although it was incredibly difficult of me to let those collectables go and I've had pangs of 'what have I done').

The biggest, most overwhelming feeling I need to derichard is the lifelong feeling of I'm not good enough.

I had some CBT counselling a couple of years ago and I feel the time is right for me to restart this.

Deco

This made me well up a bit-this is me exactly. I've had these feelings for years. The biggest problem I have is that I can't get over the fact that my Dad has never shown or told me he's proud of anything I've done. He's belittled me and made me feel worthless but never made me feel really loved or valued. I've tried talking to him about it and he just switches off. It's never going to be resolved and he's not getting any younger..... I just know that one day he'll not be there anymore and i'll never have had those feelings of him being proud of me. Sounds like I'm being petty doesn't it? but not to me...
sorry ...my mad ramblings...

decogecko

No tattycath not petty - just incredibly sad (((hug)))

decogecko

Byatt wrote: »

Decko, yep I'm scared of heights too!

I think counselling is a good idea, I know it helps me as a kick start to dealing with emotions. I think that's where my black dog has come from, working through the rough stuff which includes me being brutally honest with myself.

I am volunteering for a couple of things, not been yet, watch this space, and I hope to make myself go, even if intitially I;m thinking, oh I don't have to go again! One is helping with literacy and the other is a couple of weekends a year being a guide/receptionist for an historical house. Both are big steps for me however.

Yes counselling isn't a quick fix and you almost have to feel worse to get better (if that makes sense?). But dealing with it does set you free (well I found it did before). I guess I haven't been ready to face counselling until now.

Good luck with your volunteering - sounds like both are very positive steps (even if they are big steps) x