Time to stop pretending it will be ok!

MiMi66

Hi Julie

I thought I'd drop by your thread and say hi and hope you are doing OK - sounds like you've been fantastically organised - I do love a good list!

Suziebabe

Hi Julie - long time no hear, hope you're doing ok?
Sending positive vibes your way.

julie2710

Well it's been a little while since I posted on here and to be honest I hit an absolute wall and was feeling very overwhelmed by the mess my finances seem to be in. September was supposed to be a good month but what with last minute shoes for school and last minute bits of school uniform, a massively high month for work expenses and travel for work and DS2's birthday, it just seems to have been awful! On top of that the boiler has died a death so the money I was going to use to pay off the lowest card has now been earmarked for the repairs

Things were feeling so bad I didn't even look at my bank account for two weeks! I did make all my payments and the usual round ups but couldn't bring myself to do anything else. It has suddenly dawned on me that the way things are at the minute I will still be living in this hand to mouth fashion until my boys have left school and probably beyond. I think this hit home when DS1 innocently asked when we would be getting a new car! Kids!! We only just got our new car in June! Thank goodness it's a company car! Anyway it will be three years time and he then said "wow I'll be nearly 11 then!" That got me thinking about the fact that I'd have had to have sorted out his secondary school. He's already said he wants to go to a performing arts school in London (boarding:eek:) That's been assisted by his ballet teacher who told him he was under aiming too low when he said he wanted to go to the local one So the head went partially in the sand for a while but putting off the inevitable is pointless so here I am again trying to give myself a pat on the back for what I have done rather than beating myself up for what I haven't.

I did make the decision to cancel my health care which I get as a company benefit but although its a benefit I pay tax on it! I considered the options and even if I had to claim there's a £100 excess, plus people I know that have had operations via this route have ended up with an additional £400-500 bill on top of their excess as it seems surgeons that are approved often use anaesthetists that charge over the allowance! So I figured that even if I needed to claim I wouldn't be able to afford to. Add to that the fact that as it covers myself and the boys the taxable benefit is close to £1,700 which means I'm paying 40% of that each year to the delightful HMRC - £680 per year for something I can't afford to use! That's more than my pay rise was this year before tax :eek:

I've been considering selling the house again! I think I'll give it 6 months to get the place sorted out maintenance wise and reassess the situation again. I've had a look around and there's really nothing that compares. It really would be a wrench to downsize. My boys are really active outdoor types and to move would mean a considerably smaller garden as well as the house being a lot smaller. I could wipe out my debt but would we be happy? I now have somewhere in the region of £175k equity in my home! I've cleared £63k off the mortgage in 5 years! In an ideal world my bank would just add my debt to the mortgage my monthly payments would be lower over everything and I'd have the additional plus some cleared in another 5 years! That's not going to happen though so I need to just get on with it!

I had a date last night! First one for a long long time. Even now though I'm thinking I shouldn't be dating someone! £20 for a childminder for the night out . He was a perfect gentleman and wouldn't let me pay but I still keep thinking can I afford to see someone regularly? I know nights in would be an answer but until I'm sure about someone, to be honest I don't let them into my home when my boys are around. If one of them got up and found someone here they would be asking questions and I hate the idea of them seeing new people who might then vanish again. I know their dad has introduced them to all his girlfriends but that just means they've met a good half a dozen people who have come in and out of their lives in the last few years. Then there's the embarrassment of being in debt and not being able to afford weekends away or holidays in the foreseeable future. I'd have to admit that I'm broke! We did chat about jobs, homes etc and he's got grown up children and a low mortgage, good income etc whereas I have a good income, nice home but huge outgoings. I jokingly said that as I have small children I'm asset rich and cash poor but I'm just thinking maybe I should run now before the problems even arise! Then the other part of me is saying "where does that leave me?" Getting older and alone forever?

Anyway, enough of that. Time to crack on I guess! I will be back I promise! No point hiding

Keeping_Motivated

Hi Julie, for what it's worth a small lovely home and peace of mind for you equals happy mummy happy boys.. In my book that's a no brainer.. You sound so tied financially but much more important tied 'mentally' too.

You say your boys have an outdoor life.. So do children with smaller homes with a little more imagination.

You can't put a price on mental freedom. You are a full time working lone parent give yourself a break.

Obviously your call but as you've already pointed out your boys won't be little forever and you sound like you need some balance in your life while they're small... There's plenty of years left to buy you 'forever' home.

Take care of you what ever you decide x

Keeping_Motivated

Duplicate post!

julie2710

Thanks Keepingmotivated. It's certainly pause for thought for me and something I will consider in the New Year. As I said there's some maintenance to do and I need to think long and hard about it. It will cost a lot to move and I need to work out if it will really be worthwhile.

On a positive note the monthly check on the mortgage balance and another £976 off Had a chat with them too and with the multiples they offer it should only take me another 10 months before I can get the mortgage in my sole name :j This seemed like such an impossible task when my ex first left and now the light is there at the end of the tunnel!

My next milestone will be credit cards under £36k then total debt under £215k

I have some extra work tonight but its guaranteed and as I have the boys I've had to get a babysitter but it should clear me £180 so worth it!

Right off to get something done. It's Friday and the sun is shining what more could I ask for

Keeping_Motivated

I'd love extra work like that, very profitable! Is it with your main employer?

Those figures are definitely going in the right direction. I an understand your relief at seeing the light at the end of the tunnel re clearing ex off the house!

princesst84

Hi Julie
Ive been hanging around for a while reading and posting every now and again.
I know you feel you have lost your way a little but you have done amazingly well!! And to get theex off the mortgage is repayment for all your hard work.
This is only my opinion but I would be reluctant to sell my house if I were in your position. Its a massive asset with lots of equity and you have fought hard to get to where you are at. I can understand your thoughts for doing so though. Its one of those things where only you can decide whats best for you and your family.

Did you ever hear back about the bursary (sorry If I missed this bit?), if that comes good will this alleviate any of your financial issues? Does the school your DS wants to go to have any bursary's? Worth enquiring perhaps?

Hope you have a good Friday xx

julie2710

Hi Princesst84

Yes the bursary came through. 25% off both the boys and they've agreed it for two years. It will certainly help a bit. The school/schools DS2 has his eye on for the future offer scholarships based on ability. The local performing arts school, the one his teacher thinks isn't good enough for him is cheaper than his current school! It's a little way off yet still but surprising how the time flies!

I am a little reluctant to sell the house too, although I know I'll have to look at what's best for us and keep re-evaluating. If I kept it I know I would stay here for ever! It was extended and totally refurbished when I was with my ex, that's why the mortgage was so high. It's in a fab location and has a lovely garden, big kitchen. I know I would miss it and the boys would too, although I'm sure they'd adapt to wherever we were. In just 11 years it will be paid off completely! Sounds a million miles away but when I think I've just done 5 years on my own, that's virtually a third of what was left when my ex left! If I think about what I have done rather than what I haven't it all sounds so much better!

Puzzcat

Hi Julie,

Another stalker, sorry reader not poster here..:D

Just a thought, am I right in thinking that you have been over paying on your mortgage? If so and I haven't just made that up could you stop when you reach the level needed to have it in your own name and then use what was mortgage overpayments on your other debts...? Just a thought and if I have just made all that up please ignore me, it is friday and i'm a little hyper! :j