Time to stop pretending it will be ok!

System

julie2710 wrote: »

Grrrrrr! Just typical of what happens! Ex is going to see DS1 at the show tonight and he has just text me saying "Any chance of you dropping me off near home tonight? I don't fancy walking through Portsmouth on my own at 10pm" not even a please:mad:
The thing is I don't really feel I can tell him to get lost as I virtually drive past his on the way back

He's got a bloody cheek!!! Say yes as long as he pays what he owes you first xxx

julie2710

Wow! Well that was a whirlwind of a week! DS1 did fantastically in his Joseph. I'm so so proud of him! I thought he would be shattered after 2 shows a day, but no he was still full of energy. I took DS2 to see it on Thursday afternoon and he proudly told anyone nearby that his brother was in it and pointed him out. It was an amazing show anyway, just made all the more better by my son being in it! His dad actually bothered to go and see it to and to be honest I don't think he anticipated that it would be a proper, professional production! I'm sure he thinks I over exaggerate his sons abilities! Anyway he said he was really impressed. I expect he'll try and take a load of credit now on how fantastic his boys are! Seems odd not making the daily theatre trips this week and the songs are still swimming round my head!

Sunday we had a lovely day. Went down to the beach here to watch the annual lifeboat day. Boys had a great time in the sea, getting splashed by the wash as the boats went past! Then back to reality yesterday, although I did get out in the evening and do some gardening!

The boys are at their dads today, it took me 4 text messages to get him to finally say what days he has off in the week and agree to have them for that day in the holiday. What would now be just 8 hours a fortnight isn't really acceptable!

On the money front, I'm absolutely skint this month I've been trying to pick up odd bits for return to school as and when I can. Also, DS1 managed to mislay his jazz shoes on the last night of the show. I'm guessing someone accidentally picked them up in the dressing room and stuffed them in their bag but I haven't heard anything and he has a workshop with The English National Ballet on Friday so I will have to get more if they don't find their way back by then. He's usually really good with his stuff but said he took them off put them in front his feet, did up his trainers, looked and they were gone!

On the plus side another mortgage payment has come out which takes my total debt to less than £220k now :j Have to celebrate every little milestone and look for the next. Next month will be my mortgage going below £175k, which is £62k less than when m ex left and I've done that on my own (even if I add back on the debt I'm still £20k better off and to be fair there was just over £20K of debt then too so nearer £49k )

Another bit of good (ish) news is after another two phone calls to the CSA I finally have an assessment and they are awarding me £60 per week, £10 a week more than if he'd complied with the initial court order They will backdate it to when he started work in his latest job, so end of June and they will aim to collect arrears each week too! Obviously they need to get the money out of him now and I have explained that he is unlikely to play ball on that one, so may have to go down the attachment of earnings route which will take longer but at least I should get something eventually! As I've not had anything for the last three years and managed I'm going to pay that straight off the debts and bring them down quicker!

Right off to work I go! Hang the washing out first though

LannieDuck

Glad the show went so well for DS1, and good luck with the CSA actually getting money out of your ex

Verbatim

Great to hear the show went well. I hope the shoes turn up!

julie2710

This week is dragging! No sign of the jazz shoes so I had to go no buy more Also picked up cheap joggers ready for back to school. DS1 needed a dark pair as they have to change into them for break times! Picked the school blazers up from the dry cleaners too. DS1s old one for DS2 and second hand one I was given for DS1. Still need to get shorts for DS1 for PE, plus pick up his sports shirt from the sports shop. I think he might have to make do with his swimming trunks for a term at least.

On the up side I've been notified of earning some bonus at work so that will be paid this month. Also hoping the cheque for the missold endowment comes through soon too. I've had the death certificate back today so hopefully it should be on its way soon.

Also got my written notification today from the CSA. They've backdated the payments of £60 a week to June 11th so a fair bit of arrears already in that!

I also found £2 in an envelope in the kitchen today. Can't remember what it was doing there so I've paid that off my card. Little steps

Weird_Nev

Is there any way you could focus payments on the higher interest debts, instead of the mortgage? Could you drop to an interest only mortgage for a period to focus on paying off the card debts, or would that impact your low mortgage rate?

I only ask because you still seem very focused on the amount you owe on the mortgage, but I only see references to you paying very small additional mounts off the card debts. It is those that will cripple you! No point paying off your mortgage only to have to sell the house to cover accrued debt.

Well done though, it must be a real daily struggle. Your sons would be proud of you if they knew the full extent of what you are doing for them!

julie2710

Thanks Weird Nev. I did ask the bank if I could go interest only for a short period. Even six months would help as the monthly interest is only about £150 but they wouldn't allow it. I'm on a fixed rate tracker of 0.34% above base rate for the life of the mortgage and it's a transferable rate should I ever move so I'm better off biting the bullet. I get excited about the amount that comes off each month as it helps keep me focussed and reassures me that all my hard work is clearing some debt somewhere even if it isnt the preferable one first. Also for me it's a bit a a pat on the back as I'm sure my ex was thinking (hoping) I would lose the house and everything, just like he has and I'm determined to prove him wrong. In addition to that as soon as the mortgage is low enough I'll be taking his name off of it. No more stupid court cases to stop his creditors trying to put charges on it then:)

I'm paying off the highest interest card first. Well there's a couple that are similar rates but I started with the lowest balance one as it will feel better to have one off the list quicker. It's absolutely soul destroying to pay £200 a month off a card and only see the balance come down by £50 but right now all I can do is what I'm doing. I'm not going to waste £1 on a lottery ticket, I'd rather pay it off a card, so I'll keep plugging away.

Some major decluttering is in order. I've tried selling bits on the fb pages but had no luck whatsoever so I'm either going to have to drag the boys to a car boot one morning or carry on with the eBaying, although the postage thing is making that harder than ever

Right back to the day job, maybe some extra work this weekend too, fingers crossed.

Weird_Nev

Cool - I'm sure you had it all worked out. The roof over your heads is the most important thing after all.

HEard this on the radio today, and it really made me thing of your thread!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glvBbx-K-R8
I hope it comes across as uplifting and not depressing!

I'll subscribe to this thread - it struck a chord with me for some reason. All the best.

julie2710

Thanks for the song. Didn't find it depressing at all, in fact it made me laugh and yes, it made me think of me too, if that makes sense? Luckily I just have the two kids though . I've often joked to friends how actually the only thing my ex used to do around the house was mow the lawn and put out the bins! I've mastered the lawn mower, my neighbour was putting my bins out for me until he unfortunately passed away but DS1 is growing up fast and apart from the green bin, which weighs more than I do once its full, he can manage the other two ok. Less washing, less washing up, tidying up (the boys are well trained), so pretty much sums me up

A good day today. Took DS1 to a workshop with the English National Ballet this afternoon. He loved it! Out of 35 children there was still only one other boy there though! Good job he has a strong character! DS2 has told me he wants to be a doctor when he gets bigger. Not just any old do for though, he either wants to be a doctor who "stitches people up" or " a doctor who takes babies out of people's tummies" :rotfl: I've taught him that that type of doctor is called an Obstetrician, that should impress his new teacher in a couple of weeks :D

The cheques (have no idea why they sent two?) came through the post from the mis sold endowment today. I find it strange that they returned a death certificate recorded post yet two cheques totalling £2,432 sent normal post. Anyway, I've paid them into the bank. Need to wait for them to clear, put aside the bit for the fees for the company I used to get the money (shame, but like I said before, I probably wouldn't have got round to it on my own) then I can clear my card. I'm going to phone them as soon as its done and close the account. That is unless they can do a 0% balance transfer from one of my bigger ones. It's got to be worth a try at negotiating

Another little milestone! Bring on the next

fatbelly

julie2710 wrote: »

I'm going to phone them as soon as its done and close the account. That is unless they can do a 0% balance transfer from one of my bigger ones. It's got to be worth a try at negotiating

Another little milestone! Bring on the next

Don't rush to close it. A decent 0% deal should be possible

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=62279211&postcount=1623