Time to stop pretending it will be ok!

LannieDuck

Re your ex-OH, since it's his circumstances that have changed, i think he should organise the alternative. What's all this about "he can only have them overnight if you do the transport?" Does he not have a car? Does he not want to see his own children overnight?

If it's a question of timing Sunday mornings, perhaps you could agree to switch to him having the children Friday-Saturday instead?

Not sure what would work for you, but I definitely don't think you should be the one running around re-arranging everything when it's his schedule change which has caused the problems.

julie2710

Ex had been having the boys from Friday evening through to Sunday afternoon/tea time every fortnight. He doesn't have a car so picks them up from the nearest train station to me, which is still an 16 mile round trip for me, but unlike him, I put the needs of my boys first so will do it.

Due to the time they finish school and traffic on a Friday evening I don't get to drop them off until 5 gone so its obviously nearly 6 by the time they get back to his place and DS2 goes to bed at 6:45/7!

There have been occasions when I have paid the train fares as I don't want to be the one that stops them seeing their dad.

I've asked him if he could perhaps swap the occasional day? No response from him on that one oddly

julie2710

Well that's another weekend over with. Ex had the boys from Friday evening until this morning. I had to pick them up at 8:30am this morning which meant no lie in for me

I did get some extra work on Friday evening and again last night so some money put in the tin to clear off a card. I'm also working tomorrow evening, one of my friends is coming over to babysit. Hopefully will work Friday this week too but not Saturday.

Had a lovely day with the boys today. Went out on our bikes along the seafront. DS1 wanted to go round the BMX track so stayed there for a while. DS2 wanted a go too so he managed to make it round once with me running behind him just in case. On his second attempt he got a bit carried away and ended up star-jumping off his bike into the undergrowth :eek: He wasn't hurt and to be honest it did look quite funny, bless him! If I'd had a handy camcorder I could have earnt£250 for sure as it was a classic You've Been Framed moment

Have got the schedule through for DS1s Joseph performances. Rehearsals start this Thursday! It seems that what was originally going to be five out of ten shows has now changed to nine out of ten shows! I am definitely going to have to book a weeks holiday. With matinee and evening shows on 4 days and a technical rehearsal and an evening show on another day the poor little mite is going to be shattered! Need to find some money to take DS2 to see him as well. Weekday matinees are the cheapest but its still going to cost me £50 for tickets Wouldn't miss it for the world though! I'll be one very proud mum :D

I'm going to put together a list of things to eBay this week now. Going to aim to have 20 items on by Tuesday evening. Maybe more if I get some extra time.

Oh and something very strange happened today! Got a text message from a number I didn't recognise, just saying hello. Turns out to be the ex of the witch who my ex had his affair with! We had spoken at the time it came out in the open but nothing more. He was asking how I was, which I thought a bit odd! Then he started on the "are you single? " line and then came compliments and basically trying to chat me up:eek: Can't really remember what he was like but to be honest even if he was Michael Buble's long lost twin or Olly Mur's older but identical brother there is no way that would ever happen! Just way too weird :eek::o

julie2710

Here I am again for another update and some trying to make some sense of where I'm going.

I have to be honest and say last Friday I hit my wall I'm not sure what triggered it but I think it's probably been a whole host of things. The obvious money worries, ex no longer having the boys for more than a day every other week, parents being so unhelpful and negative and then my DS2 being a complete nightmare. His behaviour is just spiralling both at home and at school. He probably isn't as bad as some but he doesn't listen at school and I get daily updates on his periods in time out and that disappointed look from his teacher. Then at home he constantly argues and fights with DS1. I had had enough by Friday, I had been telling them off every morning all week. Friday morning I ended up shouting at them. Felt so guilty Then when I dropped them at school, I obviously looked lousy and one of the mums asked me if I was ok! Well that was it! Couldn't stop crying. Had spent the week feeling drained and that was it.

Ended up talking to the head of Pre-prep. Confessing all, including money worries at the moment, that led to me talking to the bursar. On the plus side I've now been asked to fill in a form for a bursary! Didn't even know they offered them!

Went to the Drs yesterday and had some bloods taken. Can't believe how tired I've been feeling. Really not like me.

Still plodding along on the budgeting front. Things seem to be packing up around me though! Vacuum cleaner doesn't seem to be sucking. It's a Dyson, about 8 years old. I'm not sure whether its going to be cheaper to try and get it repaired or bite the bullet and get a new one. Except I don't really have the money for either and would have to get via a catalogue or on cc Not having one isn't really an option though with 2 boys and a dog!

LannieDuck

Aww, I feel as if I want to give you a hug.

I can understand why everything feels as if it's getting on top of you, but you really are doing very well.

DS2 is probably being a bit of a nightmare because he's seeing his Dad less and doesn't understand why.

Good that you've had a chat with the bursar - sometimes it takes a little bit of being vulnerable and confiding in someone else in order to access the help that you need. I hope they might be able to help you financially.

Try for a vacuum on freecycle. I had one sitting in the attic (hardly used) for ages, and gave it to someone on there. Otherwise you might be able to find a cheap one on a local ebay collection-only.

kem10

Oh bosies my dear.

Oh, the bursary would be great. Fingers crossed.

Vacuum cleaner is a bummer, LannieDuck might be onto something with freecycle. Don't ask you don't get! Hope the week picks up for you.

bess1234_2

Stopped lurking to say I've bought loads of hovers till I googled what was wrong with my Dyson, and followed the instructions to fix it....then fixed the toilet..... Radiators....changed car bulbs......built a nuclear reactor .... Joke.

You might be too busy and tired to do it yourself, which is ok . You are doing enough

Take care

System

Just want to say you are doing amazingly!!! You have inspired me to sort my debt out... Bit difficult as I'm only being paid SMP right now but at least my head is in the right place & I won't be spending on credit like I used to

tamtevamte

Ok, just a quick summary of living in Serbia
Salary after tax: 700 EUR
Apartment that I own and rent: 200 EUR
My fianc!e salary after tax: 400 EUR
Monthly bills (electricity, water, telephones, etc…): 300 EUR
Food: 450 EUR
Credit card debt: 400 EUR
School (for both) 300 EUR
Gasoline and other costs: 300 EUR
Clothes, restaurants, theatre, night life: close to 0
J
And believe me when I say that my salary is 3 times bigger than the average one…
So, how do we handle? I have no idea, but we do…

julie2710

Thank you everyone. Bess1234 I did think about trying to fix it myself but was worried I might pull it apart and not get it back together again. Still I suppose I haven't lost anything if that happens so might try it.

Loopybecs I'm glad I've been an inspiration (or an example of what not to do) Good luck with your budgeting for now and future debt busting.

Tamtevamte it's weird how you seem to manage sometimes isn't it? Just watch those credit card debt don't grow. It can sometimes creep up on you and one emergency can be such a huge setback.

I've had some great news today. Went in to school to see the bursar. She'd emailed to say she had a result for me. They've given me a bursary or 25% discount for both boys for the next two years . I still feel a bit awkward about it. One of my faults is I'm not great at asking for and accepting help Anyway she's assured me that I deserve it and that my prompt fee paying to date had helped others so now it's my turn to get some help.

I'm looking forward to a week off next week as the boys have broken up for summer now. Fingers crossed the good weather holds out then we can have lots of lovely free days in the sun