Not 'doing' Santa - part two

OrkneyStar

I hope everyone had a nice Christmas.
We went ahead without Santa, DS was very happy with his gifts, very thankful, phoned Grandma and told her all about how excited and happy was with her gifts. If folk talk of Santa asking what he brought him, he just smiles at me, and says something along the lines of 'I got lots of presents from mummy, daddy, and so on (naming who they were from)'. He was hyper on Christmas eve, loved all of Christmas day from present opening through to the food and the cuddles, and has had a lovely time.
He was in two nativity plays and also talked about Jesus and that whole story (which we believe) and seemed enchanted by it all.

RadoJo

Lois_E wrote: »

Wow - I see what lostinrates means about people being so critical of other people's parenting decisions. Personally I think the "not believing in Santa" brigade should be treated with tolerance (and treat others with tolerance) like any other religious minority.

But if that faction start not one but two threads on the subject, ostensibly canvassing opinions but then accusing other parents of lying to their children when the results aren't universally positive, then they can't really cry foul if their methods are criticised. Personally, I will make my parenting decisions in private and live with the consequences, but if I choose to hold myself up as a paragon of honesty and imply explicitly or implicitly that parents who don't do things the way I do are deceiving their children then I will accept that the fall-out coming my way is deserved.
Also 'any other religious minority' - I hope it's just the way you've worded it, but belief in santa or otherwise is not a religion and is not afforded the same protection that a religious belief is.

pipkin71

skintchick wrote: »

I thought, seeing as the other thread was so hotly debated, people might be interested in how Christmas without Santa worked for us?

My DD is 3.5. We have told her Father Christmas is a story, that he is not real but people like to dress up as him.

So this year we did her what we called a Santa Sack, but she knew the presents were from Mummy and Daddy.

On Christmas Eve she chose where she wanted to hang it, then we sprinkled imaginary magic dust over the bag while saying 'Magic, magic, one, two, three, Bring lots of lovely presents for me'.

Not a great rhyme but I made it up on the spot! Will work on something better for next year.

In the morning, she was VERY excited to see it was full. She happily opened them all (not actually that many, the bag is smaller than a pillowcase) and was delighted.

There didn't seem to be any loss of magic or excitement or enjoyment (reference other thread).

I do want a better poem to be part of the tradition (ideally without the word 'lots' in) but I was really happy and so was DD. She certainly did not seem to be missing out on anything by knowing it was me and Oh who did it.

Just thought some of those who followed the other thread might be interested as there were a lot of accusations of 'taking all the joy and magic out of Christmas' which certainly was not evident in our house.

Sounds lovely, skintchick

As parents, we all do what we think is right for our family / children, even if it is not what many others did / are doing and I don't think you should be criticised for raising your child the way you see fit.

Emjoy many more magical christmases to come, the way you want to enjoy them

pipkin71

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

What sort of miserable wet-blanket of a parent would deliberately and consciously deprive their little kid of the magic of Christmas?

My children are too old to believe in santa now, yet we still have 'magical' christmases, in so much as it is still something they get excited about due to what we plan.

Santa is not the only tool to create a magical christmas.

pipkin71

Mum_of_Boys wrote: »

OP... I just so hope your child/children don't go to the same school as my younger two.. who still believe in the magic of christmas... even though having 2 older brothers who now know it's make believe but appreciates the christmas magic is priceless for younger children and woudn't dream of letting them know anything different until they were old enough to understand... If your child/children are in my boys' school and openly said that FC didn't exist..... I really wouldn't be a happy bunny !!!! ...

My children went to an infant school that had a high percentage of somali / Asian children who did not believe in santa, nor did they celebrate christmas. There was also a girl in my eldest daughter's class who knew santa wasn't real and announced it.

It wasn't as big a deal as is being made out here and it didn't make mychildren stop believing.

What right do others have to say how another parent should raise their child?

I think some of the comments here have been out of order.

pipkin71

Soubrette wrote: »

It sounds like you and your daughter had a lovely christmas and started a tradition that suits you. It wouldn't suit me personally but so what, only my christmas is about me - yours should be about you and your family.

On the other thread I noted that one of the disadvantages of not doing the father christmas thing is that other people will condemn you for it (while expecting you to be respectful of their traditions), I think this thread pretty much backs that up.

One of my daughters was very keen to tell the world and his dog that there was no father christmas but we had discussions about respecting the beliefs of others even if we don't share them and that worked fine. It helped that we discussed him as a story character and how he does exist in people's minds, if not in body.

If you don't want to do the father christmas thing you have to get a thick skin and never feel you have to justify your decision.

My two girls have turned out fine - you'd never think I'd stolen the magic of christmas from them in fact we've had a pretty magical christmas with just the three of us this year

Excellent post, Soubrette.

I also don't agree that the OP should have to justify her decision, we all parent in our own ways and I'm sure each of us do something that others wouldn't agree with.

Lois_E

RadoJo wrote: »

Also 'any other religious minority' - I hope it's just the way you've worded it, but belief in santa or otherwise is not a religion and is not afforded the same protection that a religious belief is.

Yeah - that was unfortunate wording. Sorry about that.

The beliefs I meant were the majority belief that "children must believe in Santa or they lose out on the magic of Christmas" and the minority belief that "telling children that Santa is real is lying and lying is wrong". Of course those aren't religions (although the second one is held by some religious believers for religious reasons) but they seem to be held by some on here with a kind of quasi-religious fervour that I find rather alarming. It just seems to me that differences of such a kind should be dealt with according to the same kind of tolerance that we've come to expect a civilised society to accord to differences of more important beliefs.

Oh, and I'm not defending the actions of anyone who thinks it's a good idea to come on here and accuse other parents of lying to their children - that's unjustifiable. However, I think the vitriol in some of the responses isn't justifiable either.

Poppy9

pipkin71 wrote: »

I also don't agree that the OP should have to justify her decision, we all parent in our own ways and I'm sure each of us do something that others wouldn't agree with.

But the OP started this thread, knowing it was a hotly debated topic. She obviously felt she had a POV worth sharing but then appeared to throw her toys out of the pram and withdraw very early on from this thread.


We all have our own little oddities that others may not like and if I don't want to have to justify them then I would keep them to myself and not start a thread on them on a public forum.

ska_lover

Skintchick, you are my hero.

You stand by the courage of your convictions, even though people are insinuating you are a bad parent, and calling you a lunatic. How very closed minded they are. I wonder if they go around calling members of other faiths bad parents for spoiling the magic of christmas by not celebrating it at all?

It sounds to me that you had a lovely christmas eve and let me tell you, you are not a bad parent - far far from it.

I do not know why you feel you have to explain yourself to a bunch of strangers. Their opinion don't mean sh11t hunny.

pipkin71

Poppy9 wrote: »

But the OP started this thread, knowing it was a hotly debated topic. She obviously felt she had a POV worth sharing but then appeared to throw her toys out of the pram and withdraw very early on from this thread.


We all have our own little oddities that others may not like and if I don't want to have to justify them then I would keep them to myself and not start a thread on them on a public forum.

I see it more as sharing what she did without wanting to get into a heated discussion.

Just as we all parent in our own ways, we all use the forums in our own ways too and who is anyone else to say it is wrong, unless it is causing harm?

Skintchick is not responsible for those who abuse rather than debate and I'm not surprised she doesn't want to enter into that sort of discussion.

I am also happy to discuss my parenting and will defend to the death on a thread rather than back away, but we are not all alike.