Not 'doing' Santa - part two

bestpud

kettlefish wrote: »

Your Christmas sounds fab, skintchick. Your little girl sounds like she had a lovely time. We have written our thankyou cards this morning, which means it really is all over for another year

However, it sounds like you went just as all-out on the magic and presents, which I think were the major aspects of FC which were disliked by the anti-Santas on the previous thread, as those who choose tell their little ones about FC / Santa; probably more so than some! As children, we never did any magic dust or spells, and my little girl won't be doing so either, although we are "believers" in this house.

What's all the sniping about when we all want the same for our kids - for them to have magical, memorable Christmasses? Does it really matter if it's a man in a red suit coming down the chimney, mummy and daddy aided by pixies or magic dust which makes the stockings fill up?

You are missing the point.

The OP doesn't want that for her child and accused other parents of lying to their children.

She is a hypocrite and this thread is no accident - the response was expected - all part of the plan.

Skintchick has lit the blue touch paper and she knows it.

I'm sure it's brightened her day, as planned.

She'd have contributed more fuel if it was required but it wasnt, she got her reaction without much effort at all.

pipkin71

victory wrote: »

What about all the other magic or fibs we try to keep our kids believing in like the tooth fairy or mystical magical kids stories that they enjoy so much and get off happily to sleep with?

If it works for your* family, great. If it doesn't work for another family, great.

It really is that simple - we each raise our children as we see fit.

* the collective 'your' rather than you personally.

bestpud

pipkin71 wrote: »

If it works for your* family, great. If it doesn't work for another family, great.

It really is that simple - we each raise our children as we see fit.

* the collective 'your' rather than you personally.

I quite agree.

Blatant hypocrisy is something else entirely.

bestpud

pipkin71 wrote: »

If it works for your* family, great. If it doesn't work for another family, great.

It really is that simple - we each raise our children as we see fit.

* the collective 'your' rather than you personally.

Like Soubrette and the poster who started the original thread, you are defending a parents right to tell their children anything they like about Christmas.

Most of us are not debating that fact - that was all on the other thread.

The replies here are mostly in response to the hypocrisy of the OP.

You are going off at a parallel.

pipkin71

With regard the santa sack and magic dust, I get the feeling that the important thing for skintchick is that the child knows these are not real but, just like children enjoy fantasy make-believe, it's ok to enjoy as long as the child knows it isn't actually real.

She has said her daughter knows the presents were off her parents and she knew the magic dust wasn't going to lead to some mystical presents were there by magic, in the morning. They were still off the parents.

They have chosen not to believe that santa is real. That does not mean they are automatically excluded from having a santa sack.

When it comes to the 'me, me, me - presents' which some people have picked up on, let's face it, as much as we share the concept of giving, for children, it is all about what they are getting for christmas. They are eager to get up to see what they have had in their presents, not eager to get up to give others their presents.

Choosing not to believe in santa doesn't mean skintchick cannot tell her child about Saint Nick, or about how other countries enjoy christmas or that there are children who do believe or that they won't automatically do the giving is as important as receiving.

I'm sure skintchick will think up a better rhyme next year and will have their own traditions that makes their christmas magical, just without having santa as a focus of it.

pipkin71

bestpud wrote: »

Like Soubrette and the poster who started the original thread, you are defending a parents right to tell their children anything they like about Christmas.

Most of us are not debating that fact - that was all on the other thread.

The replies here are mostly in response to the hypocrisy of the OP.

You are going off at a parallel.

I haven't read the other thread - I started to but it's quite long

I can honestly see where the OP is coming from and I'm not sure it is hypocrisy to create a nice time where the child is aware that santa isn't real but can still enjoy the excitement of christmas eve.

That said, I have no idea what was said on the other thread so that may change how I see things. It wouldtake days for me to read through it though so my opinions are pretty much formed from what is on this thread.

bestpud

pipkin71 wrote: »

I haven't read the other thread - I started to but it's quite long

I can honestly see where the OP is coming from and I'm not sure it is hypocrisy to create a nice time where the child is aware that santa isn't real but can still enjoy the excitement of christmas eve.

That said, I have no idea what was said on the other thread so that may change how I see things. It wouldtake days for me to read through it though so my opinions are pretty much formed from what is on this thread.

I didn't contribute to the other thread as I tend to think each unto their own. I read it though and couldn't believe my eyes when I saw this thread.

I did actually cringe.

Like you, I'm well used to defending my choices, but I hope I never try and say parents are wrong for doing something and then deliberately post a thread saying I'd done something very much the same myself, but I won't justify my decision and don't care what people think.

bylromarha

skintchick wrote: »

I didn't put this on the end of that thread as by the end it was more about honesty and truthfulness than not doing Father Christmas.

Discuss or not as you all see fit, I won't be repeating my original comments, nor defending my position or what I do.

All I can say is that make believe is VERY different to telling your children FC is an absolute, and that the magic and joy that people attribute to FC is quite clearly achieveable in other ways, via make believe and pretend that is honest (DD knows the gifts are from me and OH).

But why does it need to be one or the other?

We have never told our kids FC is or isn't real. We let them think about it, reason about it, answer their questions with questions, go along with their ideas without lying to them.

We don't lie to our kids, so we haven't over FC at all. We dodge the absolutes as want them to come to a reasoned answer about the whole thing for themselves.

Poppy9

bylromarha wrote: »

We don't lie to our kids, so we haven't over FC at all. We dodge the absolutes as want them to come to a reasoned answer about the whole thing for themselves.

You have me pondering about whether I lie to my DD and I'm not sure if I do or don't. I know I don't deliberately lie about something major but perhaps I have been economical with the truth.

I am not a very good liar and tend to laugh so when DD asked about FC/TF etc. I tended to answer with "they are only real if you believe they are real".

I just remembered I did do an outright lie when she asked me some years ago how old I was when I first had sex. I told her 30!!!!!

On balance I think I probably have told lies to DD, not in a mean way but to maybe boost her confidence or to stop her feeling bad about herself. I wouldn't lie over big things like on two occasions over the years she's asked me if a close relative is going to die because they are ill and I have told her the truth.

Lunar_Eclipse

Treevo wrote: »

I've news for you sweetypie, it doesn't matter what you do, at 14 your daughter's going to tell you that she hates you and slam her bedroom door just like everyone else's.

Noooo! I'm hoping we'll have said a long goodbye to that behaviour by the time mine reach 14!

(Although I also think it's unfair to say that everyone does it because whilst it might be common behaviour, I really don't think all children do.)