Not 'doing' Santa - part two

bestpud

Soubrette wrote: »

No, it's about family for me and that's what matters to me, I suppose I don't really care if its about the presents to the OP - if it is, well that's her meaning of christmas and who am I to condemn.

I don't understand the big deal about lying about Father Christmas. If you (everybody) believe it is a lie then it is for the best possible motives and on some levels he does exist so I can understand why some people don't consider it a lie.

There are loads of situations where I would lie, a mythical gift giver is not one of them but so what. In situations like this I don't feel bad about the times I choose to lie and I don't feel bad about the times I choose to tell the truth, neither should anyone else imo.

This sums up the difference between you and skintchick.

You aren't telling other parents they are liars and you will not lie to your child and then posting a thread saying you've just lied to your child!

I'm sure your children are fine as you seem rational and balanced.

Person_one

ecgirl07 wrote: »

however the only way to find out the full effect of a "magic sack that has presents from mummy and daddy" christmas is to wait for skintchickjnr to post in 20 years time about how her christmasses were messed up or otherwise.

That wouldn't really tell us anything though, very few people will happily criticise their parents and the way they were raised. Even some people whose parents treated them terribly will defend them endlessly.

As for the 'well I/they turned out ok' argument, well, its just a bit pointless. Most people turn out 'ok' but that doesn't mean the way they were parented was always absolutely perfect!

Soubrette

bestpud wrote: »

But the magic she chose to inject into her Christmas is make believe (aka a lie).

It is hypocritical to make a big issue of lying and then replace one lie with another.

She seems to think that is ok because her daughter doesn't believe in magic - well she doesn't believe in Santa either! What is the difference?

On top of all that, she felt the need to announce it on here and tell people how they could respond!

I can't think of any reason for that apart from attention seeking.

Or validation? or to show people that the magic of christmas does not necessarily hinge on a belief in Father Christmas?

So there's two more plausible explanations right off the top of my head.

Personally I think there is a difference between make believe (the gruffalo etc) where someone knows what you're saying is make believe. And the make believe where you are telling the other person that what you know is make believe is the truth (Father Christmas). Both can be fun but they are different.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to bow out now because I feel that I'm just going round in circles and not really saying anything new.

However, I hope everyone had a merry Christmas and happy New Year, however you choose to celebrate it

Soubrette

bestpud wrote: »

I'm sure your children are fine as you seem rational and balanced.

Only sometimes

Soubrette

Person_one wrote: »

That wouldn't really tell us anything though, very few people will happily criticise their parents and the way they were raised. Even some people whose parents treated them terribly will defend them endlessly.

As for the 'well I/they turned out ok' argument, well, its just a bit pointless. Most people turn out 'ok' but that doesn't mean the way they were parented was always absolutely perfect!

Athough it was a point I made, I actually agree with you. In fact I defy anyone to be the perfect parent - we're only human so it doesn't happen.

My parents were bliddy awful btw - unreliable and self centred. This informs to a large part as to why I am the way I am and why any lie should be considered carefully (not that I do all the time - see human and imperfect )

Anselm

Abbymoo wrote: »

Looking back on my childhood Christmasses, the ones that didn't involve punch ups and car crashes at least, I don't remember what I got, but I remember how I felt. I could never deprive a child of the utterly magical sensation of waiting for FC. It's a memory I'll cherish forever. That feeling, well, it simply WAS Christmas...

I remember the time he finally brought some double A batteries with him, so I could play with my gizmos... Those were the days

Amanda65

Apologies as I have only part read this thread and only part read the first thread the other day so may be repeating what others have said but, for what it's worth, here's my two penneth worth!

I have two DD's (now 21 and 19) and a DS now 16. When younger they always believed in FC but were never under the illusion that he bought all their presents. The presents cam from us, grandparents, aunts/uncle etc. but the children were told that we put our orders in to FC (and paid for them !) and he delivered them. This meant they always knew who the presents were from, we were always able to explain that it cost too much if requests exceeded budget, the children all wrote thank you letters to the people who gave the gifts and there was never any problem when they didn't get everything on the list BUT - FC was still a 'magical' character who delivered the presents and they liked seeing him in stores etc. and it kept the magic alive for everyone.

I'm not for one minute saying what we did was right, and I think everyone has a right to parent how they see fit. Bit to tell a 3 year old FC isn't real but see fit to replace him with an unknown magical creature all seems a bit - well - pompous if I'm honest! But that's just me

Cherry_Bomb

I always joke with my OH I'm sick of Santa taking all the credit for our hard work. I guess in your case OP you really were sick of it.

Your ideas are completely alien to me but each to their own. I just hope as your daughter gets older she'll respect the fact that whilst she might know the truth the majority of her friends and classmates won't. Kids can be very cruel sometimes

Gorgeestwo

I read the other thread and kept well out of it but after reading this I just have to say I'm really pleased that my children (who as far as the op is concerned I've lied to) don't expect magic to bring them a big sack full of presents at christmas, as per the op's rhyme, Santa brings them one present each and their stockings, we've even had a bit of a discussion about Santa having to cut back on the amount of money he spends this year , they are well aware that the rest of their presents come from family/friends/us and they are very appreciative of what they got, they certainly didn't expect a massive sack of presents to appear magically on christmas morning. I'm pretty sure that my 7yr old knows that Santa isn't real, but after a conversation we had (where I didn't lie to him about Santa!) he made a conscious decision that he wanted to 'believe' this year. If we're all such awful parents for lying to our children, then there is a lot of us out there and there probably should be an awful lot more 'messed up' adults about than there are!

parry_hotter

He is real! We saw him in Lapland last week with our 6 y old. Truly magical(-25c)!!!