Just confirmed my family have planned my life for me

Poppy9

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

One other thing that strikes me here is I can spot that different backgrounds/different cultures would appear to be making a difference to peoples responses. There are a lot of people around who think automatically in the context of the culture and background they are used to and then make decisions/form opinions based on that. Those who try to look at things totally objectively are rare - and thoroughly appreciated. I think its relevant to remember here that most of the people I know are incomers and most of the time the reason for that is that they are "career people" and/or people who have always planned/expected to "have lives of their own" and, if you are going to judge, then judge me by my peer group and not your own.

Oh dear! ..............

johnswife

As for not wanting to go into hospital. All old people say that, but that's where most of them end up, and someone has to make sure they are clean, hydrated and fed, because in many hospitals that does not happen in my personal experience. So that's my culture and attitudes.[/QUOTE]


Just got back from visiting my Mum in hospital with my brother. When we got there we both wanted to just pick her up and bring her home, From leaving her last night at 11pm she had gone down hill so fast. She hadnt eaten anything since breakfast and said she was hungry. this was 3.30pm.
The nurse said my mum had said she wasnt hungry and refused the meal.
At home we would have coaxed her and eventually get her to eat something. I absolutely realise that nurses haven't got the time or resources to do that. She was thirsty and we helped her have sips of water and they had said she was dehydrated, well without help she couldnt get a drink!!
My mum didnt know how to press the bell for the nurse and she said it was hard going to the toilet as she felt shaky.
One of the nurses said mum would keep getting out of bed and was independent, well she didnt know she had any other choice.
when we were there she wanted the toilet so I pressed the bell and the nurse came to take her. I deliberately didnt help as I wanted to say what happened. She was taken to the toilet and left.
After me going and standing near the door the nurse went to check on her and meekly tapped the door and looked at me. I said go in.
Mum was sat on a chair heaving in the sink. when i questioned why a nurse didnt go in with her, I was told of privacy issues unless it was the records.
I told her we always go in at home and to mark the records and make sure that someone always goes in with her.

A lady who was semi conscious opposite had a bowl of soup left in front of her. When my brother was near he heard a nurse say to her, oh not very hungry today! there was absolutely no way that lady could feed herself and anyone with half a brain could see that. So even if the nurses haven't got the time to sit and feed her, how on earth did they think she was going to get any nourishment?

By the time we left and my other brother and sister had come to visit, we had given her a cup of tea and a small piece of ham sandwich, she had a little bit more colour in her cheeks. She was still confused and thought she was in her bedroom at home, love her.

The sooner she is home the better we will all be.

Pitlanepiglet

So sorry to hear that Johnswife and really sorry that your mum is in hospital. Unfortunately your experience tallys with what I've seen when Dad has been in hospital and he's nearly 20 years younger than your poor Mum and more than able to speak his own mind. I've found that the older he's got the worse the care when he's "in" and the more there is a perception that he's just an old man and past it Much love to you and your mum, I hope things improve and you get her home soon x

johnswife

Thanks, my sister just got back, they have moved her to another ward.
My sister is going in at 7am tomorrow to stay and make sure she eats and drinks. The nurses said that was ok and would be a help to them.
We are waiting for a CT scan result and if everything else is ok and just a water infection we are trying to get her back home ASAP.

rosered1963

[QUOTE=_rosered1963As_for_not_wanting_to_go_into_hospital.__All_old_people_say_that,_but_that's_where_most_of_them_end_up,_and_someone_has_to_make_sure_they_are_clean,_hydrated_and_fed,_because_in_many_hospitals_that_does_not_happen_in_my_personal_experience.__So_that's_my_culture_and_attitudes.[/QUOTE]

Quote johnswife
Just got back from visiting my Mum in hospital with my brother. When we got there we both wanted to just pick her up and bring her home, From leaving her last night at 11pm she had gone down hill so fast. She hadnt eaten anything since breakfast and said she was hungry. this was 3.30pm.
The nurse said my mum had said she wasnt hungry and refused the meal.
At home we would have coaxed her and eventually get her to eat something. I absolutely realise that nurses haven't got the time or resources to do that. She was thirsty and we helped her have sips of water and they had said she was dehydrated, well without help she couldnt get a drink!!
My mum didnt know how to press the bell for the nurse and she said it was hard going to the toilet as she felt shaky.
One of the nurses said mum would keep getting out of bed and was independent, well she didnt know she had any other choice.
when we were there she wanted the toilet so I pressed the bell and the nurse came to take her. I deliberately didnt help as I wanted to say what happened. She was taken to the toilet and left.
After me going and standing near the door the nurse went to check on her and meekly tapped the door and looked at me. I said go in.
Mum was sat on a chair heaving in the sink. when i questioned why a nurse didnt go in with her, I was told of privacy issues unless it was the records.
I told her we always go in at home and to mark the records and make sure that someone always goes in with her.

A lady who was semi conscious opposite had a bowl of soup left in front of her. When my brother was near he heard a nurse say to her, oh not very hungry today! there was absolutely no way that lady could feed herself and anyone with half a brain could see that. So even if the nurses haven't got the time to sit and feed her, how on earth did they think she was going to get any nourishment?

By the time we left and my other brother and sister had come to visit, we had given her a cup of tea and a small piece of ham sandwich, she had a little bit more colour in her cheeks. She was still confused and thought she was in her bedroom at home, love her.

The sooner she is home the better we will all be.[/QUOTE]

John's wife - now is the time to fight for your mother - you are doing all the right things - sooner she's out the better. Take charge girl and don't let any of the staff give you any grief. She's an old lady and hospitals for old people are not good places to be - sending love. I have been where you are. We had to discharge Dad and took him home ourselves. I know my Dad better than any member of staff and I'm sure same goes for you - trust your gut xxxx

Errata

I think we all know that older people are sometimes not treated well in hospital. How many of us make a formal complaint if it's our relative? How many of us make a formal complaint if it's something they observe happening to another patient?
Vanishingly few, sadly.

Gigervamp

Have to say, when I was in hospital recently, the old ladies on my ward were treated with compassion and respect.

Savvy_Sue

Gigervamp wrote: »

Have to say, when I was in hospital recently, the old ladies on my ward were treated with compassion and respect.

I felt the same last time I was in, and I was definitely the odd one out: all the others in my bay had broken hips and the staff said they weren't used to patients who were mobile and completely compos mentis. Although it took a while, everyone who needed help to eat got it, and what they ate was recorded.

Same when Dad was in, 3 years ago.

And yes, I would have put in a formal complaint if things hadn't been right for him. I did speak to PALS when we had outpatient difficulties!

Hermia

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

One other thing that strikes me here is I can spot that different backgrounds/different cultures would appear to be making a difference to peoples responses. There are a lot of people around who think automatically in the context of the culture and background they are used to and then make decisions/form opinions based on that. Those who try to look at things totally objectively are rare - and thoroughly appreciated. I think its relevant to remember here that most of the people I know are incomers and most of the time the reason for that is that they are "career people" and/or people who have always planned/expected to "have lives of their own" and, if you are going to judge, then judge me by my peer group and not your own.

I am genuinely interested (as someone who is a keen people watcher) in knowing what backgrounds/cultures you have detected on this forum? I think the people on this forum seem pretty average really and there are plenty of people who are "career people" on here.

Hermia

Gigervamp wrote: »

Have to say, when I was in hospital recently, the old ladies on my ward were treated with compassion and respect.

Same here. My mum was in two hospitals for a total of 6 weeks before she died last year and the nurses were wonderful and all the staff were so respectful. Even the cleaners and dinner ladies were lovely and were happy to try and find some different foods for her. The only problem is that there aren't enough staff.