Just confirmed my family have planned my life for me

wannabe_sybil

OP - the move to the country from urban worked for my grandfather but not my great aunt, although their circumstances were almost identical.

It does depend on the place, though. Have you considered renting for a while? Even if it is just a caravan or a room in a house share with stuff in storage? You may make friendships and find out local information about the area from people there. With the right attitude I am sure it would work really well but it may be useful to have a Plan B.

Also, could you get a list together of all things Necessary to be Known when it comes to your parents care and give it to your brother, as he will be the one local to them after this? Hopefully this will avoid any gaps or mistakes due to his lack of knowledge and previous involvement.

You are getting all the layers of this picked apart here. I hope you are finding it useful as you may be getting insights that you would not have otherwise had. Have you considered getting a short course of talking time with a counsellor, just to talk through stuff with a disinterested party? It may be a useful sounding board and a little more informed that people like me who can only go on what they have seen in life.

cbrown372

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Ch

I could say what my pension level will be until I reach my revised State Pension Age and you might be shocked at how low it is and it feels "brave" to give up a job (no matter how bad) at my own retirement age, rather than waiting till that SPA. Have you read my earlier post re a work colleague who recently tried to commit suicide because the job is that stressful? Unless you knew our work conditions/pressures on us you wouldnt know why they did this. I know and I do understand.

Have you read my earlier posts explaining that it is impossible for anyone to stay in the house I am in for that much longer without being exposed to very much worse problems than the worsening area ones that are now a regular feature round here?

Have you understood that I have no option whatsoever but that I had to retire now? Have you understood that anyone living in my house that can see very far into the future at all has no option but to sell the house (but that I have done my bit and much much more than my bit to try and keep the area on track and decent)?

Have you understood that I have "been there" for many years now for my parents?

Have you any idea just how far those savings of mine are going to have to stretch already for me to have managed financially to retire at my retirement age and that, obviously (as with anyone) there will have to still be some there once I get older myself (ie in case I need to pay for help)?

Frankly - I think I have been quite polite in the way I expressed my reply to this...I could have been a heck of a lot blunter in my reply but I chose "to be the better person" and stay polite. If I told you my financial position then a reasonable person would understand. You may or may not understand if I told you my income. Either way, I have no plans to come out with the income level I am now on - because it's not anyone else's business except mine.

Can't say I have seen much evidence of you having "been there" for your parents, doing a bit of shopping and checking things on the internet has hardly been onerous over the years.

As regards benefits have you done anything to make sure your parents are claiming all they could? They could both be getting Attendance Allowance they can then use to pay for what ever care they need, taxis to take them to hospital to save your obviously very ill father having to do this himself or the next door neighbours. Could be that would safeguard the inheritance for you and your brother if a care package for both parents is set in place.

Boots888

Well it was left to me to look after my Mum, when she got sick, when she was dying, when she actually died and all the stuff afterwards.

My family did nothing. I spent years of my life doing my duty as a daughter and now it's my turn.

I can't even get my brother to organise a head stone or subscription on the grave though he lives 200 metres from where she's buried and I live 1500K away. This after 6 years of her death. I shall have to come back and do it myself.

OP move on now, enjoy your new home. I'm sure you'll come back if you're needed.

downshifted

This says it all...........

The Two Travellers and the Farmer

A traveller came upon an old farmer hoeing in his field beside the road. Eager to rest his feet, the wanderer hailed the countryman, who seemed happy enough to straighten his back and talk for a moment.

"What sort of people live in the next town?" asked the stranger.


"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer, answering the question with another question.


"They were a bad lot. Troublemakers all, and lazy too. The most selfish people in the world, and not a one of them to be trusted. I'm happy to be leaving the scoundrels."


"Is that so?" replied the old farmer. "Well, I'm afraid that you'll find the same sort in the next town. Disappointed, the traveler trudged on his way, and the farmer returned to his work. Some time later another stranger, coming from the same direction, hailed the farmer, and they stopped to talk.


"What sort of people live in the next town?" he asked.


"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer once again.


"They were the best people in the world. Hard working, honest, and friendly. I'm sorry to be leaving them."


"Fear not," said the farmer. "You'll find the same sort in the next town."

iaps

or

Wislawa Szymborska
In Praise of Feeling Bad About Yourself

The buzzard never says it is to blame.

The panther wouldn't know what scruples mean.

When the piranha strikes, it feels no shame.

If snakes had hands, they'd claim their hands were clean.


A jackal doesn't understand remorse.

Lions and lice don't waver in their course.

Why should they, when they know they're right?


Though hearts of killer whales may weigh a ton,

in every other way they're light.


On this third planet of the Sun

among the signs of bestiality

a clear conscience is Number One.



Translated by Stanislaw Baranczak and ClareCavanagh

Insertedfrom <http://www.arlindo-correia.com/wislawa_szymborska.html#Pochwala_zlego

Savvy_Sue

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

Thinks: wonders if there is any financial help available for train costs if there were more than 1 or 2 "extra" visits back here

In a word, no. If you are on some means tested benefits you MAY be able to claim some transport costs for getting yourself to hospital, but for visiting others, nada, zilch, AFAIK. I'm astonished you think there might be: after all, it's your choice whether you visit or not, and not the state's responsibility to help you with this.

HariboJunkie wrote: »

I really think that you are more likely to, at best, attract some very odd looks if you start speaking in a new accent and at worst seriously antagonise the locals.

I know, when we moved here I was terrified that parents of the boys' friends would think I was either terribly posh because I speak with a non-local accent, OR that I was taking the mickey if I started picking up their accents. I was also worried the boys would be teased. In the event, the youngest started to 'rrr' with the best of them, and the middle one said "They think I'm Scottish!" I can only conclude that the reasoning went "He speaks English, but not as we know it, and it's not Welsh, therefore he must be Scottish."

stevenazhuo

family is important for everyone.thanks for every father and mother.

Mojisola

stevenazhuo wrote: »

family is important for everyone.thanks for every father and mother.

If you'd read the stories on MSE about how some parents behave, you might revise that opinion.

There's nothing magical about being a parent that makes them all nice - some parents are mass murderers, some are thugs and thieves, some are twisted people who enjoy emotionally controlling everyone around them.

Would you really be grateful for a parent like that?

HariboJunkie

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I know, when we moved here I was terrified that parents of the boys' friends would think I was either terribly posh because I speak with a non-local accent, OR that I was taking the mickey if I started picking up their accents. I was also worried the boys would be teased. In the event, the youngest started to 'rrr' with the best of them, and the middle one said "They think I'm Scottish!" I can only conclude that the reasoning went "He speaks English, but not as we know it, and it's not Welsh, therefore he must be Scottish."

:rotfl:I think the best thing anyone can do when they move to a new area is just to be friendly and genuine. No huge expectations of the rural idyll and no affectations.

pollypenny

Another who finds this thread amazing.

I have sympathy with money because she knows her area is going down and her job is extremely stressful.

However, she seems to in a continual fight about something and giving herself more stress. I addition, I get the feeling that the very drastic nature of the move she is contemplating, is adding to her stress. I don't think I've ever come across such long, self-justifying posts.

Parents can be damn difficult. However, to move away when you jolly know that they will need help within a few years will again cause her stress.