am i wrong to feel so hurt?

RoxieW

I wouldnt worry. 5 months is still a short relationship and people usually have their Xmas plans arranged quite far in advance. maybe she's just not ready to 'mix worlds' yet. Perfectly normally at such early days and if she's the type to take things slow maybe that is preferable to someone who rushing in head first and takes things at breakneck speed. You should fairly ungrateful re the gifts - they sound like nice gifts. It's not like she bought you a pen set from the pound shop or whatever is it. A bottle of champagne to go with the glasses would be nice though! If you value this relationship then don't push her away over this.

RoxieW

Reading on, I think you have cut off your nose to spite your face

Welshwoofs

Op - sorry, but you sound like a bit of a nightmare to me....extra needy with a dollop of needy on the side.

I'm in my early 40s and I certainly wouldn't be inviting someone I'd only been seeing for 5 months to my Christmas Day festivities (especially as they tend to be arranged way before the 5 month point.)

On the presents front - sorry, but you're just coming across as belligerent to me. How do you know she put no thought in? Two champagne glasses? Perhaps she was planning to come round with a bottle of bubbly to share a romantic evening.....perhaps the evening you've just turned her away from. Seriously, judging someone by a comparison of the perceived worth of their gifts to yours is just not good.

As for this latest - well I too would say what she said if I'd phoned up a boyfriend to check if it was still on for me popping round that evening and got a "if you want". The phrase "if you want" in that situation actually comes across as "I'm not bothered either way" to the listener and tends to be said by people in a sulk/strop.

The bottom line is that if you want a partner who lives up to your expectations, this obviously isn't the one.

fudgecat

Hi Saddo,

If not judgmental (check spelling!), then accept mental!

Yes, you do sound needy in some of your posts and it also sounds as if one or both of you are playing games over confirming dates and sounding indifferent, but this is not necessarily who you are normally. It could be that this relationship has made you into a needy, introverted, depressed, overly-sensitive person - in which case it is a damaging relationship for you and you should get out.

Of course, if you normally approach relationships like this, then you need to do some positive naval gazing and make some serious changes to yourself. Either way, change is needed.
It is very easy, when you feel unsure of yourself, to seek constant reassurance and become a drain rather than a radiator. A change of mindset/partner could reverse this process.

I hope it works out.:o

tara747

I haven't read the rest of the thread, but just wanted to say: you've only been together for 5 months. That's not very long. It's natural that she'd want to spend Christmas with her family.

I wish you all the best. Try not to worry unduly.

foreign_correspondent

saddo1 wrote: »

ive not overpsent- im good at saving money and getting a good deal

oh i feel mega sorry for myself, not attractive i know. feel sh1te. but not clear how much is other stuff and how much is due to this relationship. my mates are divided- some say fair enough she spends xmas elsewhere, others are horrified (exaggeration perhaps)

had a shockimg time last xmas on my own so i suppose a bit sensitive and raw and worry im overraecting this year

thanks for your comments

to me Christmas is not a big deal, so any decision on how I spend the day would not reflect in any big way on how I felt about the people I spend it with, or didn't see.. it's generally a calculated decision to keep others happy, rather than anything more.. I might assume a new partner would be off seeing their family, and I would see mine... however, putting christmas out the picture, how is she with you the rest of the time?

yvonne13_2

OP I hope your okay

Amanda65

OP - I hope that when you read the responses in the cold light of day tomorrow you will take note of some of the advice you have been given and think long and hard about whether or not you want to be in a relationship with this person. If you do, I think you need to stop playing games to try and 'test' her feelings, stop looking at who has spent the most money and accept that she has a different outlook on life. If you want someone with the same ideals and values, it quite obviously isn't this lady.

Read back through what you have written. You've intimated she puts her friends before you, suspect she is still seeing her ex, is thoughtless when it comes to presents (although tbh think you went way OTT), is bad with money and takes more than she gives. If all this is true I cannot understand why you are giving her the time of day!

saddo1

thank you amanda, i am taking in whats been said even when its hard to hear or off beam. i have been an !!!! at times, and reasonable and the whole range of behaviours. reading this through is useful

i think there are 2 issues- is this relationship meeting my needs and how reasonable are my needs/wants?
the 2 seem a bit intertwined at the moment- on the brigth side im probably learning a lot from this; less bright- what a bloody mess i am/it is

i know there is much worse going on- in the world and in others' relationships- i know this is rather self indulgent but i just needed some help, so then i can be a good person generally. this has been dragging me under, rightly or wrongly. i aprpeciate all comments- cheers for giving me your thoughts

Amanda65

I don't think it's self-indulgent to assess whether your relationship is meeting your needs. If it isn't, move on. What you made need to decide however is whether your needs can ever be met - completely different set of questions