How do I stop messing up?

Wellyboots6

Right from a kid I have always managed to make bad decisions.

Seems things haven't changed as I have become an adult....

My parents always noticed that I was making the wrong decision and would try and point me in the right direction. I then started to hide things from them because I couldn't handle them telling me I was wrong. That caused a load of upset in the family and so I have now been trying really hard to be honest with them.

Only now I have messed up again and it is going to affect them

Need to move out of the house I am in as the landlord is selling. I REALLY don't want to move as I love the place.

As I have the dog to think about too, I started looking for houses to rent that would take dogs.

Eventually found one and on paper it is fine. Cheaper than where I am and will save me a lot of money.

Parents lent me the money for first months rent and deposit as the time to sign the contract came at the wrong time for my pay, but I had a plan set up to pay them back.

Problem is, I REALLY don't want to live there. I have started moving my stuff in, but am avoiding it as much as possible as I hate the house. On paper, fine, but when I am actually there I hate it. Hard to explain but I know it isn't the right house for me.

I have asked on the housing board if there is any way of cancelling the tenancy as I only signed 2 days ago and haven't moved in yet, but I doubt I will be able to cancel.

This is going to cause me so many problems with my family.

How do I stop myself doing these stupid things?!

I am getting too old now to be messing my life up with bad decisions. I am not actually progressing and achieving anything as each time I make some sort of progress I manage to set myself back again.

Sorry, rant over!

DUTR

Move in, and if you don't get used to the place then seek another place, you are already talking yourself into it's a bad descision beofre you have moved in, if it's fine on paper then it's fine in practice.
Perhaps you need more than a dog in your life?

Wellyboots6

Trying to make myself move in, but so far have managed to avoid it!

I have plenty in my life to keep me out of trouble usually.

It's just if I have to decide anything important it all goes pear-shaped!

DUTR

katy721 wrote: »

Trying to make myself move in, but so far have managed to avoid it!

I have plenty in my life to keep me out of trouble usually.

It's just if I have to decide anything important it all goes pear-shaped!

Why should it go pear shaped? What does your partner say about this?

January20

I wonder if it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy, and you are so used to mess up or to people telling you you have messed up that you can't stop.

I'm sorry but I'm going to give you a virtual kick up the backside!(so don't be offended) You have not messed up yet but are being very silly by saying that you can't stay in the house and you can't make yourself move in. You are going to mess up if you don't move in.

You have a choice. You can behave like an adult or you can behave like the little child that always messes up and needs mummy and daddy to sort it out for them. What will it be?

I think the poster who said you should move in and see is right. How long is your lease? 6 months? 12 months?

What is wrong with the house anyway? Why is it fine on paper and not in reality? Is it just because really you don't want to move from where you are but you have to so no other house will do?

harrys_nan

what time contract have you signed, if it's a 6 month one it will soon be over. You may find you have settled by then, but if money wise you're going to be better off, then take advantage and use the time to save. It's hard finding rental property with animals so use the last couple of months of your contract to look around and find somewhere else making sure it is where you want to be.
I know where you're coming from though because I'm the same even at my age, with me I think my heart rules, then months down the line my head takes over

Hermia

katy721 wrote: »

I am getting too old now to be messing my life up with bad decisions. I am not actually progressing and achieving anything as each time I make some sort of progress I manage to set myself back again.

And you are about to make another bad decision re: this house. Unless there is some obvious problem with the house (damp, druggie neighbours) just get on with it and move in. Rental houses are never perfect and you have less choice if you have pets. Just move in, put some nice ornaments around the place, say hello to the neighbours and you may find yourself growing to like the place. To be honest does it matter if "it isn't the right house for me" if it's rented. I am sure a lot of tenants feel that about their place, but the joy of renting is that you aren't going to be there forever. You sound like you are on a self-sabotage mission.

You say you always mess up. What other examples do you have? Where do you go wrong. Personally, I find it helps to write about everything about a decision on a piece of paper as it focuses the mind. The good old pros and cons columns help too.

Sambucus_Nigra

Sweetie - I think you have stopped listening to your gut.

It was something that I used to do - when I was promoted to manager my boss sat me down, said 'don't wear your sunglasses on your head, it makes you look too laid back; and don't over analyse things but listen to your gut as if you overrule that too much, that's when you start to make errors in judgement'. And she was right.

But if you do make an error of judgement, don't recoil - ride it out. Like this house - see it through and then make plans once you are in. Learn from the experience. Save the extra cash. Shop around next time. And don't do things until you are ready to do them.

rising_from_the_ashes

Going to agree with the others Katy ..... bite the bullet and move in - you may find that you come to like it once you're there and it could just be down to the fact that you really don't want to move so no-where would be good enough (as it's not where you are now) if that makes sense.

If you still hate it after a few months, then start looking around for something else - and if it's cheaper than what you pay currently then that's fab & it'll give you some breathing space to save some money up or to clear the debts down a bit.

I'm positive it won't be as bad as you think and you've found somewhere that will take both you & Tyson and have a roof over your heads ... that's the most important thing (((hugs)))

Dunroamin

Unless you're only about 19, I'd be more worried about still needing help from mummy and daddy than about where you live.

Wellyboots6

Thanks January, and everyone else. Needed that

I am just being daft.

I think you are right, because I don't want to move I am telling myself I hate the new house before I have even got there. It is only a 6 month contract.

I have just found so far that each time I have gone there it has had a really horrible feeling about it, like something bad is going to happen.

But then each time I have been over it has been very dark (and half the lights don't work, dodgy electrics! Letting agent on to it).

I am also having to get rid of a lot of my things as the new house is a lot smaller than where I am at the moment. These are all things that I have got since starting my new life on my own, away from an ex partner. Only bits of furniture, but bits that I like that I got for myself.

I suppose by having to get rid of things I have managed to sort out for myself I feel like I am going backwards.

My parents were also against me moving to this house, the moving date was wrong, deposit too expensive etc so I suppose I have had a negative start to it all anyway.

Right, kick up the bum duly noted! Going to head over there in a bit as it is nice and sunny outside and so I can finally see it in daylight! Going to take my xmas tree and lights over and decorate it up a bit, go in there with a positive cheerful attitude and hope that helps.

This is why I love this forum, thanks everyone