How do I stop messing up?

Wellyboots6

Hermia wrote: »

You say you always mess up. What other examples do you have? Where do you go wrong. Personally, I find it helps to write about everything about a decision on a piece of paper as it focuses the mind. The good old pros and cons columns help too.

You know, I actually thought about this and I think most of my mistakes have been where I have done something I thought was a good idea and have then been told it wasn't a good idea and so bottled it before seeing it through.

I dropped everything a few years ago and moved to the other end of the country; leaving a partner, well-paid job and my friends and family to go to another job that was really badly paid but was the start of a career I wanted to get in to.

I got told so much that it was a bad idea, that I only stayed 2 months and then ended up coming back.

That meant that I lost touch with friends I had left here, also then lost touch with friends I made down there. My previous employers took me back on and gave me a long contract to stop me running off again! I never did get in to the other career though and lost friends and a partner in the process.

DUTR

katy721 wrote: »

You know, I actually thought about this and I think most of my mistakes have been where I have done something I thought was a good idea and have then been told it wasn't a good idea and so bottled it before seeing it through.

I dropped everything a few years ago and moved to the other end of the country; leaving a partner, well-paid job and my friends and family to go to another job that was really badly paid but was the start of a career I wanted to get in to.

I got told so much that it was a bad idea, that I only stayed 2 months and then ended up coming back.

That meant that I lost touch with friends I had left here, also then lost touch with friends I made down there. My previous employers took me back on and gave me a long contract to stop me running off again! I never did get in to the other career though and lost friends and a partner in the process.

Don't take it the wrong way, sounds like you have other 'issues' sometimes it doesn't matter what other people think about what you are doing in your life (as long as it's legal), also you don't lose friends in as short as 2 months :eek: .

Do the things you want to , and achieve what you want .

pinkshoes

You haven't messed up; you just don't like the house because it's not the house you're currently living in, and it isn't your fault you have to move. It'll be fine once you move in!

no-oneknowsme

Dunroamin wrote: »

Unless you're only about 19, I'd be more worried about still needing help from mummy and daddy than about where you live.

How patronising!

Parents are still capable of helping out their adult children you know!

Just read some of the posts on this site and you will see that a lot of posters post to say their parents help them out with deposits for first homes etc....

Either you arent a parent or your just not a very helpful one ONW!

Hermia

katy721 wrote: »

You know, I actually thought about this and I think most of my mistakes have been where I have done something I thought was a good idea and have then been told it wasn't a good idea and so bottled it before seeing it through.

The piece of paper technique works here as well. If someone else tells you something is a bad idea write down what they have said down. Then write down reasons they might have said this from the practical reasons why they may be right to their ulterior motives (e.g. a parent putting you off a career opportunity because they don't want their baby moving away). Then think about it for a few days. I think the skill we all have to learn in life is when to listen to ourselves and when to listen to other people.

Wellyboots6

Well, I made myself spend the morning in the new house trying to be positive about it and moving all my stuff in to try and make it home.

Absolutely hated it.

Am now back in the old house with no furniture or heating, internet due to be disconnected at midnight to be transferred to the new house, and wondering what on earth I am doing!

I have tried so hard today to be positive about the new house but I feel so uncomfortable there. Even with all the lights on and the radio on and the dog stuck to my side I still feel uncomfortable there.

I must sound like a right fruit loop!

I have sat down this evening and written out the pros and cons list. The pros of moving outweigh the cons hugely, but for some reason I just cannot make myself do it.

CustardAndPickles

Oh dear.

Unfortunately you're not going to be able to get out of the contract, so you're going to need to get over the issues you have with your new accommodation. It's not like you have an option of not moving - the house you live in is being sold, and you will either need to move out yourself or end up being evicted.

Your contract is for six months - that means at the end of month 4 (that's only 16 weeks!) you will probably need to advise the letting agency you're going to move at the end of month 6.

Save the difference between the rent you pay now and the rent in the new place and do something useful with it - pay off existing debt or save up for a huge deposit so when month 4 comes round you can look to find somewhere better. Try and be positive - because you're going to have to move in and running back to your old house is not going to help you deal at all.

Wellyboots6

I really do understand what you are saying Custard, but the thought of even only 16 weeks there is beyond me. I couldn't even manage a morning there today without freaking out and having to leave.

I am trying to separate the issues in my head as I know the fact I don't want to leave here is having a huge impact. It is the first place I have lived that has felt like 'home' for 12 years. I have been so happy here and gained so much confidence and really managed to get myself together.

A friend has said that I can stay there whilst I look for somewhere else, which I may end up taking them up on if I can get out of the new contract.

I am going to contact the new letting agents in the morning and see where I stand, and also contact the current landlord to see what his plans are once i go and if there is a chance of staying here on a monthly basis until he sells.

mountainofdebt

To be honest I think you need to get over the fact that you can't live where you are now because you have no choice in the matter - sorry if that sounds harsh!

Sometimes us parents can see why a particular course of action shouldn't be followed and it frustrates the hell out of you when your child seems hell bent on still driving to that cliff but I've come to the conclusion that sometimes they need to drive over the cliff to grow up.

Wellyboots6

I am gutted I can't stay here, but you are right that I have no choice.

The new house is bothering me more than leaving here though. I think I would find it less difficult to leave here if I were going to a different house.

I looked round a couple and financially this one made most sense. Gut feeling however is that any of the others would have been easier to make myself move to than this one.