Frugal Frump to Fab-u-lous Dharrrrrrrling Winter Solstice to Spring Equinox

wuvvies

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

I love Boots Christmas sales, bought some makeup half price :money: which I ordered online Xmas eve. Popped out today to the Boots store to pick up some cheap pamper sets :money: bought Sanctuary spa moisturiser set, a Gok Wan set and a soap and glory manicure set.

I keep meaning to set aside time for a weekly pamper session and these will be my babies to help achieve that.

I am not setting a whole heap of goals as I did that before with not much results. However I have good idea of what I want to achieve so will stick to that

Nice to see so many people joining.

Wuvvies asked a page or so ago for some ideas. Personally I wouldn't make big drastic changes with clothing etc. gradual changes I find mean you'll stick to it. So make an effort to wear make up if you need it, keep on top of self grooming, defuzz regular, moisturise daily, trim and file nails, paint them if you like. If you feel frumpy then I find accessories are the best and cheapest way to jazz up your current wardrobe. Something simple as a nice necklace or scarf can add an extra dimension. I don't see the point in buying a whole load of new clothes if you end up feeling uncomfortable. If you want some inspiration why not google some images of any celebrities you admire or think look nice, or look at the web pages of the more well known stores for ideas with clothing etc. there are loads of fashion/clothing based blogs out there for ideas too.

Hope that helps any newbies

thanks for this
im certainly more aware that i was a bit of a mess and have made the step of throwing away all my grey underwear and have some nice ones now. need to get a couple of pairs of nice knickers and them im done. had a few nice comments from my husband so thats nice:D

fedupandskint

I'm back after a lovely Christmas with my family - lots of fun and laughter, food and dog walking. Great pressies all round too. A lovely couple of days. I've had quite a lot to eat too so tomorrow is back on track although I am being cooked my tea by my friend and some more presents to swap over

lizzie157

Hi, hope everyone had a good xmas.
Mine's been a bit mixed. I hope the following doesn't come across as feeling sorry for myself, though I am atm I do recognize that it may be my perceptions due to depression that have clouded the issues but I'd just like your opinions please.


Basically DS1 and DS2 have been with their girlfriends for 5and 6yrs during which time we haven't met their parents. Have always put it to the back of my mind that the reason for this is because we are in effect the poor relations. On xmas morning everyone gathers at ours for present opening before we go to my parents for dinner. DS1 and 2 have one dinner with us and another later with their g/friends families but the girlfriends don't have dinner with us. This I fully understand both have lost a parent over the last 2 yrs and so xmas is tinged with sadness for them. It came out later though that DS1's g/friends family had been for drinks with DS2's g/friend's family and then later they had all gone to a neighbour of DS2's for the evening. If we have ever brought up meeting the 'in laws' we've been told we probably wouldn't get on as both are snobs, both families have money and we haven't, The fact that they are mixing together and with neighbours has made me feel as if we are thought of as not good enough to meet them whilst the neighbours are. Thinking about it I may even have written something similar last year as it always seems to hit me at xmas time when everyone else seems to get invites and we get none apart from xmas dinner at my parents.
The fact is we ARE the poor relations in that we have v. little money, and where the g/friend's families have helped out financially we aren't in a position to do that but we (me in particular ) have helped out practically.
It has been pointed out to me that it is our turn to host a buffet this year, I haven't done it for a couple of years as tbh after getting together the money for presents we don't have a lot left for extra food or drink and usually our fridge just contains the normal food we always have with perhaps a couple of treats. We do have DS1 and 2 and g/friends to tea or Sunday lunch sometimes throughout the year as that's easier as we don't have to consider the extra expense like we do at xmas and we occasionally go to them.
I am thinking it is something about us as we seem to be treated like this by everyone, whilst at my parents I was helping out whilst my sister sat watching tv, yet she isn't expected to have anyone round at hers whilst I have my parents and aunties, and sister here ( just for a drink now but previously for a meal). I have never been to my sister's house despite her living there for some years. H does sometimes make embarrassing comments, maybe this is the reason but just at the moment I’m feeling taken for granted, and unappreciated and as if I'm seem as a 2nd class citizen.
Sorry for the long post -I have no one to talk to apart from on here.

bratz81

Walked into work today which I'm counting as exercise (was 30mins walk) which is the first I've done since Friday. Felt good to be properly moving again after being so lazy for a few days.

In my (slight!) defence on Xmas eve I was working til 5pm and the gym shut at 5, and was shut on Xmas day obviously. Was also open until 5pm on Boxing day but I was working again.

In work today but have fruit and good things in with me to get back into the healthy eating; plus I got given bathroom scales for Xmas so I can keep an eye on how well (or not!) I'm doing

lessonlearned

Oh Lizzie I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling like this - you have more than enough on your shoulders at the best of times.

I don't want to be blunt but I have to say that l recognise some of the issues you have raised and I think your final comments about your husband may give you a clue as to what is happening.

Please don't be angry with me for saying this but what you say about your husband rings such bells and I think you may have hit the nail on the head.

My father was the same and he drove people away from the house, he made them feel so uncomfortable that over the years they just stopped visiting. Even now there are times when I have to steel myself to face him. I love him dearly but liking him is sometimes a very different matter.

The second thing is, by your own admittance, you are not entirely happy in your marriage . Your children must be very aware of what is going on - perhaps they are just not comfortable bringing their friends and girlfriend's families into your husband's orbit.

I very quickly learned (from early teens) to keep my friends well away from my father and I never invited friends round to my parent's home. I still don't.

I cannot advise you to leave your husband, that's for you to decide but plainly you are not happy. Maybe it's time to think about your needs and how you want to live.

How do you want to spend your retirement, stuck with someone you no longer love, unable to spend happy times with your children and grandchildren because they don't like visiting you .

Never under estimate the "atmosphere" in an unhappy household.

You are still young and healthy. You can still build yourself a new life. I know money is tough, but would it actually be any worse if you were on your own.

Why not get some good financial and legal advice and have a good long think about what you want.

I am so sorry if I sound brisk and rather business like - I really don't mean to sound harsh and unfeeling. I divorced my first husband for very similar reasons so I do understand how you feel.

After 5 years of marriage I finally woke up and realised that the man I had married was a carbon copy of my father. My first husband drove all my friends away, he was a humourless control freak and he was draining the life out of me.

My parents couldn't understand why I "tossed away" (their words) my beautiful home by the sea and my comfortable easy lifestyle to live in a flat by myself, surviving on a pittance.

My answer in one word was "Freedom". Freedom from his endless nagging, his sulks, his controlling behaviour.

It was hard, I had never lived alone having gone straight from my parent's home to my marital home but I can gruthfully say I've never looked back.

After living a single life I eventually met my darling OH and lived happily ever after.

Lizzie - gather your courage and do what makes you happy. Life is too short to be downtrodden and depressed.

mineallmine

Hugs Lizzie

Maybe try to think of ways you can meet them away from home. For instance could you do a picnic at a local park or nt property minus the rain!

It's hard not to be bothered if people are meeting up excluding you/ your husband. But you can't control what other people do. You can control how you react to this. You can dust yourself down and focus on you, your home, your fabbing.

In relation to money there's a golden rule. They may have more money. But there's always someone who has more money than them. Plus if you genuinely treat someone differently based on wealth, which it may or may not be here, then that works both ways. You may be putting them I a pedestal. Remember the phrase fur coat no knickers!

Now focus less on this situation and focus more on you. Now get a fabbing plan in place for 2013. Then you can nag me to do the same :whistle:

Bitsy_Beans

Lizzie firstly have a hug. Secondly do you feel confident to raise the issues such as your sister being sat on her butt while you're grafting? Sad fact is people will treat us the way we allow them too.
Have you sat your sons down and told them regardless to your financial situations you want to meet their GF's parents? Id be asking if they were embarrassed by you and your circumstances? be prepared for answers you might not like to hear though.

Rather than letting everyone treat you this way why not start exerting yourself over the things you do want. Confrontation isn't for everyone and there are right and wrong ways to go about it but it seems to me it's high time you started opening your mouth. Not in a rude way but its time to start sticking up for yourself. With your family. Your husband. Your children.

Twinset_and_Pearls

Hi Everyone,

I'm new to these boards, but feel that I really need some help to get myself back on track for Spring 2013!

I'm 34 and happily married with no children (but we are working on that ) and looking to move house by March.

I left my job in November as it was a contract position, but I really hate my new job. I am giving it until March (which is the end of my probation period) and then I am handing my notice in. I have never disliked a company so much and it's making me ill and upset all the time.

The stress and worry over the last few months has taken a real toll on my looks, so I am hoping to make some small improvements (like cleanse and moisturise every single day) and progress from there. I am quite overweight too, so hoping to start walking a bit more which has always helped me a lot.

I know 2013 is going to be a challenge for me, but I am really determind to make things work

mannysmom

hello

I'm a bit late I know but wandering if I can join in? I am a newbie to the forums but really need to make a few changes in my life.

I need to lose about 2 stone and stop comfort eating plus I need to look after myself in general rather than running out of the house looking like no-one owns me:rotfl:.

WelshWoofer

lessonlearned wrote: »

After 5 years of marriage I finally woke up and realised that the man I had married was a carbon copy of my father. My first husband drove all my friends away, he was a humourless control freak and he was draining the life out of me.

My answer in one word was "Freedom". Freedom from his endless nagging, his sulks, his controlling behaviour.

Lizzie - gather your courage and do what makes you happy. Life is too short to be downtrodden and depressed.

I too got divorced because I'd lost myself and didn't like the person my ex-husband made me. I was miserable and was no longer my own person and worried about everything (didn't help that I was virtually ignored, especially in the bedroom). The moment I made the decision to end it I felt like a weight had been lifted. I'm now me again - happy and healthy.

Lizzie - I hope that you can see a way out of the situation you feel you are in - perhaps you could meet the girlfriends and their mums whilst out shopping or for a coffee? That would break the ice in neutral surroundings and without your OH present and they can see you for you - not him IYKWIM.

Why not just do something for you this week? If money is tight visit a friend, go for a walk, go to the cinema, have a bath with the door locked with a glass of something and a book? Get away from it all for an hour - it may give you time to think and to feel a bit like yourself again.
Whatever you do, you know we're all here to listen to you. Take care xxxx