Invitation etiquette?

sharrison778

Just wondering what people think of this.

A good friend of mine is having a birthday dinner at a restaurant in a few weeks. Its a fairly posh restaurant and it'll cost about 150 per person. Guests are paying for themselves.

My friend is inviting his friends but not their partners - mostly because he doesnt like some of his friends girlfriends.

However...

A few weeks ago my friend (a guy) met another friend of mine (girl) through me and he's now got a bit of a crush. So he's invited her.

There's a little part of me that is aggrieved by this. I have to tell my partner that he isnt invited but someone the birthday boy has met once is! Given we are all paying for ourselves, I'd like to have my partner there too. It wouldnt leave the birthdat boy out of pocket at all.

I know its his bday so he can do what he want and I dont intend to make any fuss but I am curious to hear how others would feel in thie same situation?

scotnan

I'd be more concerned that any friend of mine would expect me to pay £150 for dinner than whether my partner was invited or not.
I would never pay that amount for a meal no matter how good the friend was and to be perfectly honest I think it's a bit of a cheek asking people to a birthday bash expecting them to pay that amount!

Hope they're not expecting a present on top of that

sparrer

I think your friend paying for a girlfriend whether he's known her five minutes or five years is entirely up to him, but £150 for one meal is almost immoral (he's obviously not into money saving!)

Personally I'd send a small gift and spend £300 on the more important person in my life, for that amount you could enjoy a whole weekend away with your partner. You could both invite your friend to dinner for a small celebration before or after the 'big bash', that way it's a win win situation.

re 'My friend is inviting his friends but not their partners - mostly because he doesnt like some of his friends girlfriends'. How would he feel if his girlfriend was invited to an event and he wasn't because the host didn't like him? Imo he sounds like a rather spoiled person who needs to learn a little tolerance or he's going to find himself left out in the cold.

sharrison778

Sorry if I wasnt clear. She's not his girlfriend. They have met once. He's interested but hasnt asked her out or anything like that. And he wasnt offering to pay for her meal.

I have to admit I think the main reason I'm a little put out is that my partner wont be there. Perhaps my approach is old fashioned but I would never invite a person to an event and say their partner isnt welcome.

I understand he's trying to control numbers but IMO not inviting partners isnt the way to do it.

sparrer

Apologies, I got the wrong end of the stick, but I do think it's terribly bad manners to 'invite' people then ask them to pay for themselves, and worse to be selective about which half of a partnership is invited.

I wouldn't have thought he'd have too much trouble trying to control numbers at such a price but then I can only speak for my own ethics.

daisiegg

sparrer wrote: »

I wouldn't have thought he'd have too much trouble trying to control numbers at such a price but then I can only speak for my own ethics.

Ethics?

Hope OP doesn't mind but I had to comment on this...why do you think going out to dinner is an ethical matter? I'm interested to hear where you're coming from on this

OrkneyStar

daisiegg wrote: »

Ethics?

Hope OP doesn't mind but I had to comment on this...why do you think going out to dinner is an ethical matter? I'm interested to hear where you're coming from on this

Sorry, I am not the person you asked but here is my slant .
Perhaps they think £150 could be better spent? On a good cause or something? I also think it depends on your budget, some folk could spend that and still give to charity, feed themselves and so on for the rest of the month, others might well find that takes a sizable chunk from their budget. Personally I do think it is up to the 'birthday boy' who to ask, but equally those asked would not be unreasonable to say 'it's too expensive'.

daisiegg

OrkneyStar wrote: »

Sorry, I am not the person you asked but here is my slant .
Perhaps they think £150 could be better spent? On a good cause or something? I also think it depends on your budget, some folk could spend that and still give to charity, feed themselves and so on for the rest of the month, others might well find that takes a sizable chunk from their budget. Personally I do think it is up to the 'birthday boy' who to ask, but equally those asked would not be unreasonable to say 'it's too expensive'.

I think it's very dodgy territory to start saying that how people spend money is unethical! I mean, where do you draw the line? It's unethical to spend £150 on a meal (presumably because you should be giving that £150 to charity??? Can't think what else they could mean...) but what if it was a £50 meal? Still unethical? What about a £2.50 sandwich and coffee with a friend? You could have put that money in a charity collector's tin - you are unethical! .....I can't get my head around it

Do agree though that £150 is a huge amount of money to spend on a meal and I personally probably wouldn't be happy about spending that to go out for someone else's birthday.....but I struggle to see how ethics come into it!

daisiegg

And to go back to the OP - I would be upset my partner wasn't invited too. That coupled with the cost of the meal would probably lead me to politely decline the invitation. So you're not alone in feeling a bit aggrieved!

MrsDrink

Maybe we're odd but I don't care if I'm invited to MrD's 'dos' or whether he's invited to my 'dos' (neither does he), I respect the wishes of the organiser. And at £150 a head I'd rather he wasn't!

OrkneyStar

daisiegg wrote: »

I think it's very dodgy territory to start saying that how people spend money is unethical! I mean, where do you draw the line? It's unethical to spend £150 on a meal (presumably because you should be giving that £150 to charity??? Can't think what else they could mean...) but what if it was a £50 meal? Still unethical? What about a £2.50 sandwich and coffee with a friend? You could have put that money in a charity collector's tin - you are unethical! .....I can't get my head around it

Do agree though that £150 is a huge amount of money to spend on a meal and I personally probably wouldn't be happy about spending that to go out for someone else's birthday.....but I struggle to see how ethics come into it!

I am not saying it is unethical in my opinion, just offered a slant as to why others might.
Maybe should have left well alone :cool:.