Could you live with your MIL

onlywayisup_2

Hi all,

Really as the title suggests or maybe even do you currently?

Bit of background. Dh father died a few months ago. He and his mother have no other family. Friends yes but not family. Shes getting on a bit and cant really 'keep' her home anymore.
She has suggested selling it and both buying somewere bigger together.

DH hates seeing her alone and visiting her to check on her constantly.
We lived with the inlaws for a year years ago to save some money and it was fine. We get on really well.

It would enable us to get a lovely house in a nice area that otherwise we couldnt afford. She feels DH is set to inherit it all anyway so wud rather he had it now. It would also give her company and keep us happy that she was safe and well.

Im aware that it wont be that easy but just wondering what other peoples opinions were on this. We would be thinking in a years time though. I know you shouldnt make big decisions after a berevement so i want to make sure she and we have the time to think it through.

Horseunderwater

Perhaps a home with a flatlet/annex attached to it. So you both had your own space but if needed, can socialise together etc.

boat_girl

We are going through a sort of similar situation at mo, my hubby is an only child and his mum has been stopping with us while she recuperates from a horrible op as her home is not suitable and although her hubby is still alive is not really able to look after her.

I personally have found the lack of privacy very hard and would not be in a rush to make this a permanent situation. But I think it could work with a good size home and some well defined boundaries that are decided before you all live together, make sure you all have personal space and don't live under each others feet.

MrsDrink

Could I? Probably. Would I want to? No.

(Just to clarify - We're in our 30s, newly wed, our parents are around 60 so luckily are not at that time of life... yet.)

mummybearx

I could and I would, I love my mil to bits!

If you are moving in together, just make sure the house is big enough for you to have seperate areas. It doesn't have to be a seperate annex or a whole flat for her, just her own bedroom, her own living room and a seperate bathroom. Just somewhere she can have her own space, have friends over if she wants to, somewhere she can watch tv by herself etc

X

LEJC

How old is your mother in law?
Personally I can see both sides of this and have been on both sides...whilst she is still reasonably healthy and mobile its very easy for both sides to get peice of mind and for you and your husband to know that she is safe and not lonely...

Fast forward a few years when she may have health issues and your life will not be your own....

Something that you may need to look into before you purchase a joint property is what would happen if your mother in law was to contribute money towards the purchase and then you find out that she needs residential care which will at some point assess her financial standing.
Usually its not just a case of the house being inherited by your husband even if that is the wish of his mother,sometimes property and assets need to be sold in order to fund nursing home care...

Get some professional advice before buying a property as it may not be as clear cut as the house being paseed onto you and your husband some time down the line...

Good luck with whatever route you take

gardner1

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
tricky one...what happens if in a few years time she needs full time around the clock care

j.e.j.

How about something like sheltered or supported housing? She could live in one of those purpose-built flats which have a warden there who could check she's ok, etc. She would also be able to socialise with other people of her age and maybe make some new friends, whereas if she just lived with her son and DiL she'd be relying on you for company for much of the time, which would be a strain on you.

tyllwyd

You also have to think through what would happen if things went wrong and she wanted her money back so that she could move out? Or as other posters have said, if she fell ill and needed money to pay for nursing care.

Noctu

No, no, no! Never. (Well, you did ask :P )

ankspon

I have done for six months,absolutely brilliant time,sadly she has gone now,RIP mother.