Where do I stand? Ex won't move out or pay rent

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

She could be scared that if she leaves without the children, you'll stop them going with her on the grounds the new home isn't ready and she would never have left them with you if she really wanted them. And then your 50% becomes 100%.

If you separate yourself from the situation and consider it from that way, it then becomes more understandable that she's not going anywhere without them and it would sound like you were expecting her to pay you for the privilege of being their mother.

Have you met any teenagers? You'd have a very hard job indeed stopping a teenager from seeing one of its parents. Even a judge wouldn't tell a teenager who to live with:rotfl:

pinkladyof66

i had a similar situation with my ex husband when we split however no children involved. I bought him out the house mortgage was all secured the court order in place to say he had to move out by a certain date. I got a lodger in to cover costs and he wouldnt move out til his house when through. We were not on speaking terms. As he had main bedroom and my lodger had 2nd bedroom i was in a small box room with mattress on the floor. I even woke up one morning to find ladies clothes strewn all over my lounge where he bought back a girl for the night. I was not impressed. It went on for a few weeks and then I came home from work one day and he had gone with all his stuff. I am sorry to hear you have this problem I know it was difficult for me at the time too.

rpc

Vortex1 wrote: »

Jo I know you are right but I fear for the impact on my kids. She is the type to scream, shout & cry at the front door rather than go graciously for the sake of the children. She is not remotely bothered about involving the children in any dispute regardless of the impact on them.

Then you make sure the kids aren't around (sleepover as suggested) and then call the police if she kicks off at the door. She does not own the house and has no right to occupy other than the one that you or a court gives her.

She is abusing you, your good nature and your desire not to upset your children. The short term pain of getting her out may be better than the long term pain of never being able to move on and draw a line under the separation. You need to move on to a life as two separated parents and get that routine established. Dragging it out makes life more difficult for everyone.

Caroline_a

pinkladyof66 wrote: »

i had a similar situation with my ex husband when we split however no children involved. I bought him out the house mortgage was all secured the court order in place to say he had to move out by a certain date. I got a lodger in to cover costs and he wouldnt move out til his house when through. We were not on speaking terms. As he had main bedroom and my lodger had 2nd bedroom i was in a small box room with mattress on the floor. I even woke up one morning to find ladies clothes strewn all over my lounge where he bought back a girl for the night. I was not impressed. It went on for a few weeks and then I came home from work one day and he had gone with all his stuff. I am sorry to hear you have this problem I know it was difficult for me at the time too.

Oh I'd have put these on a boil wash as they were obviously dirty...:rotfl:

honey10

Can I ask what the living situation is? Someone mentioned a few pages back that she was in the master bedroom and you were elsewhere but I'm not sure if that is the case.
How old are the kids?

Vortex1

There is no master as such. There are two equally sized bedrooms and we have one each. Kids have their own rooms. One teenager and one sub ten year old.

valk_scot

How about if you tell her that she's got one month after the date of completion on her house to do the renovations and after that she has to move out whether they're done or not? In the meantime she has to pay for her living costs (food, toiletries etc) and 50% of the stuff bought in for the kids. Yes this will leave you short on her share of the utilities but you've got to heat the place even when it's just you there and you're not going to get a lodger by the sound of it so you're not actually losing that much money. The important thing is to get her to move out, yes? By backing her into a corner where she may feel forced to get an occupancy order you may just be shooting yourself in the foot for the sake of a few ££s now.

As for chucking her out and changing the locks well, it will feel good at the time I expect but you can hardly expect her to be reasonable over anything after that, can you? And you're going to be dealing with her for a few years yet, given the kids. Try to maintain a smidgin of the moral high ground, even if you really have to grit your teeth short trem.

Vortex1

pinkladyof66 wrote: »

i had a similar situation with my ex husband when we split however no children involved. I bought him out the house mortgage was all secured the court order in place to say he had to move out by a certain date. I got a lodger in to cover costs and he wouldnt move out til his house when through. We were not on speaking terms. As he had main bedroom and my lodger had 2nd bedroom i was in a small box room with mattress on the floor. I even woke up one morning to find ladies clothes strewn all over my lounge where he bought back a girl for the night. I was not impressed. It went on for a few weeks and then I came home from work one day and he had gone with all his stuff. I am sorry to hear you have this problem I know it was difficult for me at the time too.

This sounds awful. Well done for coming out the other side in one piece!

Vortex1

valk_scot wrote: »

How about if you tell her that she's got one month after the date of completion on her house to do the renovations and after that she has to move out whether they're done or not? In the meantime she has to pay for her living costs (food, toiletries etc) and 50% of the stuff bought in for the kids. Yes this will leave you short on her share of the utilities but you've got to heat the place even when it's just you there and you're not going to get a lodger by the sound of it so you're not actually losing that much money. The important thing is to get her to move out, yes? By backing her into a corner where she may feel forced to get an occupancy order you may just be shooting yourself in the foot for the sake of a few ££s now.

As for chucking her out and changing the locks well, it will feel good at the time I expect but you can hardly expect her to be reasonable over anything after that, can you? And you're going to be dealing with her for a few years yet, given the kids. Try to maintain a smidgin of the moral high ground, even if you really have to grit your teeth short trem.

Thanks Val, I have been gritting my teeth for so long they will crack soon.

pinkladyof66

Try and just think about what it will be like when she eventually goes i agree give her a time limit as to when she needs to go. Keep it written up on a board on the wall and mark down the days til she goes

Try to be civil with the kids around I am sure it will all be done and dusted soon and you can look back on it like I can now.