Where do I stand? Ex won't move out or pay rent

19lottie82

Person_one wrote: »

That'll be a memory the children really cherish.

Is there no possibility of a compromise here? Can she stay until the basics that will make the house liveable are finished and then move in while the more cosmetic stuff is done?

There's a lot of hostility towards her in your posts, but you once chose to make a life with her and create children, so sometimes you have to swallow your feelings a bit and do what's best for them.

yes, i agree.

again, my first port of call would be, try to compromise and / or ask a family memner / mutual friend to mediate.

if this fails you have 2 choices.

1) throw her out by changing the locks when she is out, thus distressing your kids and ruining any chances that things can ever be amicable between you and your ex ever again.

OR

2) put up with it for a little longer, to avoid arguments and for the sake of the kids.......

Vortex1

elsien wrote: »

When she says refurb, what does she mean?
Is she talking about pulling out kitchens and bathrooms which would make it difficult to live there, or is it decorating that could be done a room at a time?
(I do think she's being unreasonable in wanting to stay and not pay anything towards the costs, but TBH if your relationship is so bad I'm slightly baffled as to why she wants to stay and put herself through it anyway.)

New heating, electrics, kitchen etc.

I have no idea why she would want to stay and put us all through this, but it has been like it for 6 Months so I guess another 2 Months makes no difference.

Vortex1

Person_one wrote: »

There's a lot of hostility towards her in your posts, but you once chose to make a life with her and create children, so sometimes you have to swallow your feelings a bit and do what's best for them.

You are correct, it is however difficult to forgive peoples actions easily. I spend my life doing what is right by my kids. I will always put them first.

elsien

So moving herself and the kids in to the new place straight away is going to be difficult then.

I'm guessing the stumbling block to moving in with family is that even though you've agreed shared care, she's still seeing the children as "hers" so doesn't want to go off and leave them behind, even with access etc. From experience, if that's how she's perceiving it, rational discussion goes out of the window.
So unless there's room at her family for her and the kids (barring changing locks etc) that probably leaves you with setting a deadline and insisting she rents elswhere temporarily which for a couple of months probably won't be that easy, or pays her way in some respect and trying to work out a fair way of doing it.

pearl123

Vortex1 wrote: »

Yes all custody & costs 50/50

:rotfl::rotfl:

No Vortex1 - I meant cooking meals, laundry, housework. etc.

If thats 50/50 then ask for rent. However, she this is the mother of your children. Treat their Mum poorly you yourself my find yourself out in the could from your children! Grit your teeth it's not that long.

Dunroamin

Do you actually need the money?

Mojisola

Vortex1 wrote: »

New heating, electrics, kitchen etc.

I have no idea why she would want to stay and put us all through this, but it has been like it for 6 Months so I guess another 2 Months makes no difference.

So she doesn't complete until early January and then wants to stay with you until all that work gets done? She could easily still be with you for many months to come. Does she have the workmen booked? What date is the kitchen being delivered? Is she paying decorators to come in or is she going to decorate a bit at a time?

I think she's being totally unreasonable. I think this is another case where if you were female and the man was refusing to leave, you'd be getting very different answers.

She isn't the owner of the property. I can understand you wanting to keep things calm over Christmas but I would get an agreement down on paper with her contribution to the household while she stays there and dates by which she will move out.

Where she moves to is not your problem! The children have a safe and secure home with you so it doesn't matter if she has to sofa surf for a few months until the new house is ready.

With her already making demands like this, I think you should get in contact with one of the father's support groups and prepare yourself for what else might come your way.

pimento

Move your new girlfriend in. If that's not possible then move the friend she hates most in.

Vortex1

pearl123 wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl:

No Vortex1 - I meant cooking meals, laundry, housework. etc.

If thats 50/50 then ask for rent. However, she this is the mother of your children. Treat their Mum poorly you yourself my find yourself out in the could from your children! Grit your teeth it's not that long.

All shared and I pay for a cleaner.

Vortex1

Mojisola wrote: »

I think she's being totally unreasonable. I think this is another case where if you were female and the man was refusing to leave, you'd be getting very different answers.

I obviously agree with this but to be fair I believe if the people responding knew what I had been put through their responses may be different. That wasn't the reason for the thread, I just wanted to know how I stood legally really and I do appreciate everyone's opinion.