Would love to be debt free but budget is a nightmare

LannieDuck

worried48 wrote: »

When we married, my credit rating was completely shot, my husband's was still OK despite him having been unemployed for 20 years. Hence it made a great deal of sense to have the business in his name alone.

I can see that. Is your credit rating better now? Could you get added as a joint trader?

Sorry it's not really what you asked, but it's ringing some alarm bells for me, especially since your OH is so controlling in other areas...

rising_from_the_ashes

Worried .... can I ask a wee question and sorry if this seems out of place but ....
- what are you wanting to achieve?
- what advice are you looking for etc?

Any suggestions made unfortunately don't seem to be helping so - for us to be able to suggest things that might help, it would help to know what you want to get out of this ....

LannieDuck

worried48 wrote: »

Similarly, Christian women should not attempt to dominate their husbands, and again that is how it is. I realise again that this is completely against the culture of today which rubbishes men at every opportunity and then wonders why we have such a major problem with feral youth, but again, that is how it is.

Wow... I'm not sure whether this view is more insulting to men or women. Of course women shouldn't dominate their husbands, but neither should husbands dominate their wives. Marriage should be a partnership of equals.

You don't have to be religious to understand basic respect.

worried48

LannieDuck wrote: »

I can see that. Is your credit rating better now? Could you get added as a joint trader?

It was, but recently it got shot again, now it's right at the bottom of the heap. Lowest out of 5 according to Noodle. Since I've no defaults and no missed payments other than one payment being made late a few times, I can only wonder what they call those with CCJs and the like. But that's another discussion.

worried48

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Worried .... can I ask a wee question and sorry if this seems out of place but ....
- what are you wanting to achieve?
- what advice are you looking for etc?

Any suggestions made unfortunately don't seem to be helping so - for us to be able to suggest things that might help, it would help to know what you want to get out of this ....

I'm not sure I was really looking for advice.

rising_from_the_ashes

worried48 wrote: »

I'm not sure I was really looking for advice.

Ahhhhh - was this meant to be a diary to record how you're getting on?

(I know you've got another thread on the diaries board)

sueh6

worried48 wrote: »

I'm not sure I was really looking for advice.

To be honest I am completely lost as to what it is you are looking for? One thing I do know is that you've alienated if not offended many people on here who have tried to help you.

I'm stepping away from this thread now as I'm beginning to think there's something odd going on.....

KiKi

I'm a committed Christian, OP. Evangelical. The happy clappy type who goes to a church with a worship band and drums and keyboards and bass guitar. I try and live my life as Biblically as I can.

Whilst I fully admit to not knowing enough of the Bible as I should, I know fundamentally that Jesus teaches that we should be in relationship with each other (not just husband and wife, but all relationships). That means love, respect, talking to others in a way which builds them up, doesn't undermine them. The beattitudes - being kind, compassionate, for starters.

I fully respect your not wanting to walk out (although I find your comment about 'Christian women shouldn't dominate' interesting - I don't remember anything in the new testament about women submitting) - and I applaud you for wanting to sort things out with your husband.

But what you don't seem to see is that for all your very good values of making things work - which, by the way, I agree with - it seems to be at your expense. Just as you wouldn't walk out or behave in a way that upsets him, neither should he do the same to you. If you want a very traditional relationship where you are obedient to him, and he is dominant in your relationship (and you're not equals) then that is your choice. But if you believe you should be in that sort of relationship because that's what the Bible espouses then I urge you to re-read the New Testament and see what sort of relationships Jesus encourages - because it's certainly not one where men control where their wives go, what they do, one where the man is lazy, unsupportive and cruel to animals. I also suggest you may benefit from speaking from someone in the leadership of your church and ask for advice, because they will be able to direct you Biblically to how relationships should be if that's what you want to role model.

Otherwise, I suspect no-one here can help you. If you insist on doing as your husband says, then no-one on here can help solve your debt problems because your husband appears to be at the root of some of them.

I do wish you all the best, though.
KiKi

worried48

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Ahhhhh - was this meant to be a diary to record how you're getting on?

(I know you've got another thread on the diaries board)

No not really, it was just a "hello I'm here" thread. If this board is only supposed to be for asking for help with SOAs then I can only apologise, that was not clear to me.

worried48

sueh6 wrote: »

One thing I do know is that you've alienated if not offended many people on here who have tried to help you.

That's what usually happens once the C word gets used :rotfl: