Would love to be debt free but budget is a nightmare

Angry_Bear

worried48 wrote: »

it seems to be largely due to me saying I will not boss my husband about. That is a direct result of my being a Christian. Anyway, that's the way it is.

There is a big difference between "not bossing your husband about" and having an equal relationship. Sorry, but to me it looks like you are using being submissive to your husband as an excuse not to take responsibility for your own life. (Nothing to do with your religion)

fallen121

Congrats on the tagline. Now you can see where you are with the debts you know about. I know you've said there's some of your husbands you don't know the balances exactly, but one step at a time, eh?!!

My DH is self employed and it just occurred to me - do you have an accountant or do you do the books yourself? Is your tax up to date? I only ask because of the bizarre way in which self employed people are taxed. My DH has a tax bill in January which has to be paid by the end of Feb and then another bill in June. A complete nightmare as you are taxed on assumed profits before you earn them and if you have a couple of good years followed by a couple of bad years you don't have enough money coming in to fund the tax on assumed profits you haven't made. It all evens out eventually, but you have to pay out the money first. Not at all like PAYE and much less fair IMHO.

My DH was able to pay by installments last year after pleading poverty, but when he told HMRC that he wasn't actually bringing in enough to cover the tax bill because it was more than he had put aside and he had had 2 clients go bust owing him money they bluntly told him to go and get a loan! He is proud of the fact that he doesn't have a business overdraft and has reduced his drawings to practically nothing, but after telecoms bills, national insurance, accountants fees and bank charges, not to mention having to put money aside for VAT, it does rather seems as though he just works to bring in money which goes straight out again to HMRC.

I'm probably not telling you anything you don't know. However, you did mention that things had been a bit lean on the business side recently, but you can't forget HMRC who will still chase you for tax owed in previous better years and I don't see that coming out in any of your calculations. Last year they threatened to send the baliffs in and take DH's truck without which he couldn't work and as evidenced by Rangers, Google, Amazon et al, they are getting a lot tougher of late, and particularly on the little guys, who unlike the big companies can't afford an army of lawyers to keep them at bay.

worried48

Thanks for that, that has cheered me up enormously

fallen121

worried48 wrote: »

Thanks for that, that has cheered me up enormously

I am trying to be realistic. There is no point in sugar coating the pill if it is going to poison you; you have to find a way to avoid having to take it in the first place.

I know EXACTLY what it is like to be so far up to your neck in debt that you are sick to your stomach and find it hard to sleep at night because it is all you think about. The only way to find a way through is to sit down and figure out the true situation, have a PLAN and stick to it.

My advice to you is, don't stick your head in the sand. Pray to God, not to get you out of debt but to have the courage to face whatever comes and the resolve to stick to whatever plan you make and the conviction not to give up out of hopelessness. Giving up is the worst thing you can do. There is a way out, you just need to find it.

The next thing you need to do is go through this forum and pick out 3 pieces of advice and work on actioning them. Ignore everything else for now. You can't do everything.

The next thing I would do is see what resources you can muster. Do you have friends at Church that could help you? You don't have to tell them about your financial situation. Just having someone who could come and help you declutter a room or do a stock take of your storage unit would make you feel so much better.Or maybe someone who could help you photograph the cats for sale? I'm discounting your husband because he won't help you and you can't seem to find it in yourself to bully him. And please don't say you can't get help because your husband wouldn't like it.

What you need to focus on is this. Would your husband approve of less cats in the house? Yes. So if getting someone in to help achieve that goal makes him annoyed in the short term, then that is not important because the end goal is to have less cats, more room in house, less money on cat food, less spoilt stock and more money available to pay bills. The END GOAL is what you have to focus on, not your husband's short term annoyance.

So my main advice to you - swallow your pride, ask for help - whether that be from God or Church friends or whatever - pick some goals, focus on those goals, and don't get dragged down by worrying about trampling on your husband's feelings to achieve those goals.

Pee

I wonder whether it would work on paper to take your self employed arrangements as a business and your domestic arrangements separately?

Ice_baby

Possibly Christians have the most to be offended about as you are stating your religion is one of the reasons you are allowing both you and your husband to be miserable.

If you wont take action on your own behalf, can't you take steps in order to help your husband? One of the main points of Jesus' message is that love is important than the letter of the law. Wouldn't Jesus consider loving your husband to be more important than submitting to him? (I'm talking in the agape not the erotic sense). Loving comes first in the bible I read, and it it is not love to allow your husband to degenerate into an angry, crabbed, hurting thing.

You are enabling him to act as he does and it is doing him damage on a spiritual, mental and probably physical level. Yes, it is almost impossible to help somebody who does not want to be helped, and certainly nagging/bossing wont get you very far, but in preventing him from reaching rock bottom (eg. letting him run out of money, have to deal with bank himself, asking him to leave temporarily, or any other way of facing the consquences of his actions) you are allowing him to continue on a course that is ruining him and preventing him from reaching a point where he might realize he needs to reach out for help. As well as 'obey' a woman's marriage vows include 'love' and 'honour'. There is no love or honour in standing by while your husband turns into the sort person who would have horrified him back when you were first married.

Please, please try and break through the stalemate you and your husband have reached. It is doing neither of you any good in this world or the next.

Gruss Gott

FinKite

worried48 wrote: »

Thanks for that, that has cheered me up enormously

See, THAT is why you have annoyed people - that kind of attitude, not your religion. Someone goes to the trouble of a long and helpful post, and they get off hand sarcasm.

worried48

FinKite wrote: »

See, THAT is why you have annoyed people - that kind of attitude, not your religion. Someone goes to the trouble of a long and helpful post, and they get off hand sarcasm.

No sarcasm intended, surely the emoticon made that clear!

worried48

Pee wrote: »

I wonder whether it would work on paper to take your self employed arrangements as a business and your domestic arrangements separately?

Could you expand please?

Mara69

worried48 wrote: »

it seems to be largely due to me saying I will not boss my husband about. That is a direct result of my being a Christian. Anyway, that's the way it is.

No. That is how you perceive it.