Lunch with Colleagues - don't know what to do

Oompa_Loompa_2

Nicki wrote: »

Do you seriously think that it is fine for example to be rude or unpleasant to colleagues in the work car park before or after work, or to those clustered outside on the pavement having a smoke, or to a colleague staying in the same hotel as you are on a work trip after the business day is over? All of those are broadly equivalent situations.

As someone said before, in social settings there is usually room for personal preference. OP wasn't rude. In an informal setting (as opposed to an event organised by work where there is a seating plan), it is usually very easy to choose your seat without stating that you don't like someone!! You can be last to sit down, or if Thingy sat at table first, you could go to the toilet and come back later so it's not obvious that you haven't sat next to Thingy. Perhaps we should all be so PC that we always have a seating plan, every single time we go out to eat... perhaps arrange this in alphabetical order, to avoid causing offence to anyone? If I was OP, I certainly wouldn't have chosen to sit next to Thingy, if I'd previously been accused of bullying! Who would chose that?! OP wanted to avoid trouble, which is why she sat AWAY from Thingy. I'm sure most of us who go out for a meal wish to enjoy it and OP would have naturally been uncomfortable sitting next to someone who has accused them of bullying in the past! However, OP should perhaps have sat on Thingy's lap, just to prove to us that she wasn't a bully!!

Oompa_Loompa_2

Tropez wrote: »

But why would I?

If this was brought to my attention on the day it happened then I'd want to clear up any misunderstanding. If it was brought to my attention the next day then I'd probably still be receptive but the longer the individual waits the less receptive I'm going to be until it gets to such a point where I would believe they're on a wind up, especially if they've had obvious issues with me in the past.

In my mind, if someone's coming to me more than a week later about something they claim to have known for that length of time, then I'm not buying it and I'm certainly not going to dignify it if I know for a fact that what they're saying isn't correct.

If I said anything, it'd be telling them to take it up with HR and make sure they submit their evidence, otherwise I'll be the one making the formal complaint about them.

It is possible that OP really doesn't know what to do and has been deliberating over this for ages, is nervous about possible repercussions and asking advice from people because she is too scared to do confront it head on! Going by original post, the OP has been put into a situation where a reaction is demanded by an action (that may or may not, saying this to cover anyone who doesn't believe Thingy is a thief) which was carried out by someone else. Stealing is wrong - but if any of us had reason to believe someone stole and that work was involved and there would be consequences for us personally and our job, would we really be as simplistic as to call the police to right a wrong? No. There are a million things to consider, which is the reason the OP originally posted asking for help. We can only go on the information provided and I wouldn't even say Nicki is correct in her assumption that no professional conversation was made - okay, OP sat far away from Thingy, but what if one went to the toilet, or were in toilets together? Professional and polite conversation may have been exchanged. Just saying this as everyone who seems to be on Thingy's side is accusing OP left, right and centre of jumping to conclusions and making assumptions. There are assumptions being made on the other side too though!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Oompa_Loompa wrote: »

However, OP should perhaps have sat on Thingy's lap, just to prove to us that she wasn't a bully!!

Dear Lord, if I were to sit on somebody's lap, I wouldn't be done for bullying them, I'd be done for abh by means of flattening them!

Tropez

Oompa_Loompa wrote: »

It is possible that OP really doesn't know what to do and has been deliberating over this for ages, is nervous about possible repercussions and asking advice from people because she is too scared to do confront it head on! Going by original post, the OP has been put into a situation where a reaction is demanded by an action (that may or may not, saying this to cover anyone who doesn't believe Thingy is a thief) which was carried out by someone else. Stealing is wrong - but if any of us had reason to believe someone stole and that work was involved and there would be consequences for us personally and our job, would we really be as simplistic as to call the police to right a wrong? No. There are a million things to consider, which is the reason the OP originally posted asking for help. We can only go on the information provided and I wouldn't even say Nicki is correct in her assumption that no professional conversation was made - okay, OP sat far away from Thingy, but what if one went to the toilet, or were in toilets together? Professional and polite conversation may have been exchanged. Just saying this as everyone who seems to be on Thingy's side is accusing OP left, right and centre of jumping to conclusions and making assumptions. There are assumptions being made on the other side too though!

I'm not on anyone's side and the post you responded to is merely a response to another person's suggestion that everyone would be driven to prove their innocence if accused of thievery by a co-worker with a well-documented dislike for them.

Taking the case to HR isn't even remotely like calling the police. HR departments are partly there for mediating disputes between co-workers in order for the working environment to remain productive. Companies rarely give a fig if two co-workers dislike each other, providing that this dislike doesn't affect the working performance and so HR is hardly likely to come down on someone like Dirty Harry - heck, most of them don't have that authority even if they wanted to.

If the case is taken to HR the rep will listen to both sides and work with them to come up with a solution. If there was concrete evidence that "Thingy" is a thief, then they'd notify management but they wouldn't likely do that in this situation because there is no such evidence - the OP and the coworkers, no matter how sure they are, cannot prove how much money Thingy picked up at the table.

tara747

mountainofdebt wrote: »

tbh, as this has now appeared on Martin's weekly email, I'm surprised that all hell hasn't broken lose at Gibson's workplace over this .......

Good point. I thought that perhaps a paraphrased version of the original dilemma would have been used instead! And if gibson123's real surname is Gibson... :eek:

JC63 wrote: »

Are you sure she didn't leave the tip in cash? When I pay a restaurant bill by card I only put the cost of the bill on the card and leave the tip in cash.

But Thingy should have LEFT the tip cash on the table. Not lifted all the cash and left herself open to accusations of theft!

cloudy-day

Good God is this still going?

Let me sum this one up for you - nasty b**** stole from workmates, got away with it, should have got what was coming to her.

OP took the morale high ground (well done you!) for the sake of harmony at work.

Biggest shock was some deluded souls taking the thief's side, wondering how the majority could be so mean, after all the thief may have had a bill to pay so we shoudn't condeme her. Apparently its OK to invite yourself to lunch and then steal from your workmates, if you're a bit short on bills that month.

Funnily enough these were the same people who also thought that they had been bullied in the office.....it seems that not inviting the office thief to lunch is now considered to be bullying, actually I'd call it common sense.

The OP left a good while ago. The thief is now considered by some to be the victim. All most odd but entertaining in its own way, its pretty obvious why some posters on here just don't fit into the office environment.

Move along people, nothing to see here.

Oompa_Loompa_2

cloudy-day wrote: »

Good God is this still going?

Let me sum this one up for you - nasty b**** stole from workmates, got away with it, should have got what was coming to her.

OP took the morale high ground (well done you!) for the sake of harmony at work.

Biggest shock was some deluded souls taking the thief's side, wondering how the majority could be so mean, after all the thief may have had a bill to pay so we shoudn't condeme her. Apparently its OK to invite yourself to lunch and then steal from your workmates, if you're a bit short on bills that month.

Funnily enough these were the same people who also thought that they had been bullied in the office.....it seems that not inviting the office thief to lunch is now considered to be bullying, actually I'd call it common sense.

The OP left a good while ago. The thief is now considered by some to be the victim. All most odd but entertaining in its own way, its pretty obvious why some posters on here just don't fit into the office environment.

Move along people, nothing to see here.

:rotfl:All so true!! Love the common sense part and the bit about "it's fine to steal if you have a bill to pay!!"

poet123

cloudy-day wrote: »

Good God is this still going?

Let me sum this one up for you - nasty b**** stole from workmates, got away with it, should have got what was coming to her.

OP took the morale high ground (well done you!) for the sake of harmony at work.

Biggest shock was some deluded souls taking the thief's side, wondering how the majority could be so mean, after all the thief may have had a bill to pay so we shoudn't condeme her. Apparently its OK to invite yourself to lunch and then steal from your workmates, if you're a bit short on bills that month.

Funnily enough these were the same people who also thought that they had been bullied in the office.....it seems that not inviting the office thief to lunch is now considered to be bullying, actually I'd call it common sense.

The OP left a good while ago. The thief is now considered by some to be the victim. All most odd but entertaining in its own way, its pretty obvious why some posters on here just don't fit into the office environment.

Move along people, nothing to see here.

I don't recall many people being as categoric as you describe, most who took the "other" view merely pointed out that there was no actual "proof" that what the OP thought had happened actually had. Most of us said that it was not correct to ostracise, whisper and generally mischief make without that proof.

With regard to the bold text I have two points to make; the office environment is rife with gossip, that doesn't make it the right way to go about things, secondly, if you consider those who want proof of wrongdoing and no hidden agenda wouldn't fit into an office environment, I feel the same about the other camp being jurors.;)

tara747

cloudy-day wrote: »

Good God is this still going?

Let me sum this one up for you - nasty b**** stole from workmates, got away with it, should have got what was coming to her.

OP took the morale high ground (well done you!) for the sake of harmony at work.

Biggest shock was some deluded souls taking the thief's side, wondering how the majority could be so mean, after all the thief may have had a bill to pay so we shoudn't condeme her. Apparently its OK to invite yourself to lunch and then steal from your workmates, if you're a bit short on bills that month.

Funnily enough these were the same people who also thought that they had been bullied in the office.....it seems that not inviting the office thief to lunch is now considered to be bullying, actually I'd call it common sense.

The OP left a good while ago. The thief is now considered by some to be the victim. All most odd but entertaining in its own way, its pretty obvious why some posters on here just don't fit into the office environment.

Move along people, nothing to see here.

Totally agree with your pov, it doesn't matter what your financial situation, it doesn't excuse theft!

martha11111

tell her you know what she did and take her to a charity box for her to put the £20 in. If not, you'll tell all to everyone!