Lunch with Colleagues - don't know what to do

Any

Nicki wrote: »

That's your interpretation of what happened to make OP dislike thingy. What OP actually said was



There is no suggestion that thingy bullied anyone, just that there was a difference in management style between her and OP. We have no idea whether the junior alleged thingy was bullying her, or whether it was just that (for example) thingy was asking her to perform to a level above her skill set, or not giving her flexible working to fit round childcare issues, etc.

In my opinion having a go at junior stuff in public is not any managing style. It's simply wrong.
And that is what I said. We can only go off what we are told. I also said it earlier (pg 5 or something). IF situation is as told..

Ben84

gibson123 wrote: »

OMG I am surprised at the interest in this thread and thank you for all your opinions, even the ones questioning my motives have helped a lot.

I assure you all that my story is absolutely genuine, and as a few of you guessed I do know the Restaurant Manager very well, I was a hotelier in a past work life and the restaurant owner just happens to be from an area of he world that I have a holiday home in, so we do quite often have some cosy chats over coffee and baklava.

And now for the update:

Here is what happened today.

I saw thingy in the corridor and said "i thought you should know I went to the ****** restaurant after work and ****** said we hadn't left a tip, so I left a £30 tip" She mumbled about a meeting and shot of down the stairs. She avoided me for the rest of the day and no offer of giving me any money or explanation appeared.

I spoke to my colleague, the one I trust and had sent an e-mail to, she is the person in the office that almost everyone else confides in. She told me of two stories she knows off involving thingy.

Once she was out with another team, different restaurant, ate her full meal and then said she wanted to complain about the service, when everyone else said not to, because they were happy wiht their meal, she picked up her coat and said she wasn't going to pay and stormed out of the restaurant, leaving the others to pick up her share of the bill. My colleague was present for that lunch.

The other concerned last years Christmas party, which is pre-paid in installments, she had said she wasn't going, but when one of our interns took glandular fever, she offered to take his space. After the night out, the organiser asked her if she would like to leave the money for the night out with her and she would see that the intern got it back. She refused, saying she had never agreed to pay and that as it was non refundable she was just making sure it wasn't wasted. Seemingly almost everyone knows about this incident (but not me, as I had left early)

Anyway we had a good talk about this. We came to the conclusion that really we can't tackle this without involving management and we cannot let everyone else know without creating a lot of bad feeling in the team. We also agreed it would be a stressful situation for me, that it isn't up to me to punish her or try to see the error of her ways and really isn't worth the hassle.

We have decided that not inviting her in future is the way forward. If she complains, we feel we have a reasonable case for not including her. We have a huge team and we tend to go out in groups of between 6 and 10, she is not really in any group, she tends to do her own thing.

Thanks again, you all really helped talk me down from the ceiling and away from thoughts or vengeance and retribution. I feel rather adult and angelic now :A:A

Oh, I missed all this among the many posts. Sorry! Well, she sounds horrible

Anyway, a random thought, if she invites herself along to something again and there's no other way to decline, just be really enthusiastic about her coming to it. She'll probably be sufficiently suspicious as to avoid it after that :rotfl:.

aliasojo

Nicki wrote: »

But even if OP is completely correct - ie she saw everything there was to see, she didn't miss thingy leave a tip, and the credit card slip backs up the allegation of theft - do you not still think at a minimum the allegation should be put to her properly and her response sought - before the gossip is spread to all and sundry?

If all that happened on this front was a brief snatched conversation in the terms OP reported in the corridor, that is not IMO enough and didn't put the allegation to OP fairly and squarely that she is being accused of stealing.

Bold bit I absolutely and completely agree with. :T

I'm surprised that the OP thought this was the best way to go but then again she clearly wasn't sure what to do for the best otherwise she wouldn't have posted.

I don't think I'd agree about the 'gossip' bit though. Other people were involved, it was their money in question too. I don't see that simplyfilling them in on what had happened re the restaurant manager talk, was gossiping.

If the OP had called the girl a money grabbing biatch or similar then that would be gossiping and downright nasty.

Tropez

aliasojo wrote: »

I find that strange. Things do come to light after the fact and timing wouldn't be something that would bother me.

We really are a varied race aren't we?

But in this case, the OP knew about this on the day it happened. My train of thought would be immediately questioning why they had waited so long to tell me?

If they had confronted me on the day, the chances are I would still have the cash in my wallet, I could have checked it there and then and, if I had indeed made a mistake, apologised for being a numpty and sorted it out.

But such a length of time later? I wouldn't have the cash in my wallet at that point and therefore I wouldn't have sufficient evidence to take them at their word, particularly if we had run-ins previously. If it was someone I trusted and who I had no previous issues with that would be different.

aliasojo

Tropez wrote: »

But in this case, the OP knew about this on the day it happened. My train of thought would be immediately questioning why they had waited so long to tell me?

If they had confronted me on the day, the chances are I would still have the cash in my wallet, I could have checked it there and then and, if I had indeed made a mistake, apologised for being a numpty and sorted it out.

But such a length of time later? I wouldn't have the cash in my wallet at that point and therefore I wouldn't have sufficient evidence to take them at their word, particularly if we had run-ins previously. If it was someone I trusted and who I had no previous issues with that would be different.

Happy to accept I've missed something, but how long are we talking? Where did it say how long she waited before talking to the girl?

Tropez

aliasojo wrote: »

Happy to accept I've missed something, but how long are we talking? Where did it say how long she waited before talking to the girl?

Ah, yes, I see. I think I got slightly muddled with the way the discussion branched out a bit there. I see the OP did only wait a day, which is quite reasonable and "Thingy" would have a good chance of still having all the money, albeit it would be unlikely that it would be on her.

JC63

Are you sure she didn't leave the tip in cash? When I pay a restaurant bill by card I only put the cost of the bill on the card and leave the tip in cash.

poet123

I have no idea where the truth of the matter lies, but, as a point of principle I dislike collective tittle tattle and prefer upfront communication. This woman may well be all the things the OP says she is, equally, there may be other explanations. That being the case the OP should have handled things differently imo, both to be fair to the woman and to avoid the woman turning it around on her.

juliamarsh

Well, people seem to be forgetting that it was the restaurant manager that brought the matter up and told Gibson that a tip had not been left. When Gibson raised the matter with Thingy in the corridor and said that she had left a £30 tip because the manager had told her that one had not been left, Thingy had the opportunity at that point to refute this if she had in fact left a tip, all she had to say was 'But I did leave one' which would have taken all of about 5 seconds and would not have made her late for her meeting. However instead she chose to mumble something and rush off. If she had left the tip then why did she not just say so? Is it really that complicated?

Nicki

Any wrote: »

In my opinion having a go at junior stuff in public is not any managing style. It's simply wrong.
And that is what I said. We can only go off what we are told. I also said it earlier (pg 5 or something). IF situation is as told..

I completely agree.

The only person who had a go at anyone in public according to the thread was OP. OP does not say anywhere that thingy has ever done this to anyone. But yes it is completely wrong to have conversations like this in the corridor