Lunch with Colleagues - don't know what to do

aliasojo

Any wrote: »

I can't believe you are still going on to be honest...
Nicki against the world..
It was suggested let's agree to disagree and here we still are...

I'm not bothered by this in any way, we're not arguing.

I think it's interesting seeing another take on it (even if I dont agree).

I'm just replying when things pop in my head. I can stop if folk just want the thread to die?

Nicki

aliasojo wrote: »

If your version is plausible, then why did she react like this?




Even if you allow some leeway (if for example this conversation happened at an inappropriate time or this person was caught on the hop) then why would she not have approached the OP to sort this out?

How about she did have a meeting, and she did leave a tip so has no idea what the OP is talking about? "She avoided me all day" is quite a loaded way of saying "I didn't see her again for the rest of the day" but completely in keeping with OP thinking the worse of her. My OH has been at work all day and I haven't seen him since I woke up. Has he been avoiding me, or is he just extra busy in the run up to Christmas ?

If she did leave a tip, then she isn't going to want to have to fork out £30 to the OP, and if she thinks as badly of OP as OP thinks of her (quite likely given she has actually accused OP of bullying her in the past) she possibly thinks it is OP who is the dishonest one who has made the story up either to blacken her name with colleagues or to blackmail her out of £30.

Nicki

Any wrote: »

Nicki against the world..

I may well be wrong but I think at least 2 others (poet and coolcait) also think this isn't as cut and dried as OP likes to portray . They just aren't online right at the moment.

I'm also not arguing, but debating which is different. There are a few (not alias) who are arguing in that they are verging on being abusive

aliasojo

Nicki wrote: »

How about she did have a meeting, and she did leave a tip so has no idea what the OP is talking about? "She avoided me all day" is quite a loaded way of saying "I didn't see her again for the rest of the day" but completely in keeping with OP thinking the worse of her. My OH has been at work all day and I haven't seen him since I woke up. Has he been avoiding me, or is he just extra busy in the run up to Christmas ?

If she did leave a tip, then she isn't going to want to have to fork out £30 to the OP, and if she thinks as badly of OP as OP thinks of her (quite likely given she has actually accused OP of bullying her in the past) she possibly thinks it is OP who is the dishonest one who has made the story up either to blacken her name with colleagues or to blackmail her out of £30.

I kinda feel that's just a bit too far fetched tbh. (Not dismissing the meeting part, just the rest. )

I can't help but feel any 'average' person would seek to clarify things if they were approached and told I just had to pay £30 for a tip'. Assuming they were honest and guilt free that is.

aliasojo

Nicki wrote: »

I'm also not arguing, but debating which is different.

Indeed.

.....

Nicki

aliasojo wrote: »

I kinda feel that's just a bit too far fetched tbh. (Not dismissing the meeting part, just the rest. )

I can't help but feel any 'average' person would seek to clarify things if they were approached and told I just had to pay £30 for a tip'. Assuming they were honest and guilt free that is.

I don't know how the average person reacts when confronted by someone who has previously bullied them in a public place with an outlandish allegation which has the potential to blow up into a very damaging situation against them. Are they angry, terrified, flabbergasted, confused, stressed or what? Depends on the person i guess. I'd be angry, but I'm not the kind of person who would easily succumb to being bullied at work. Others would end up being signed off sick with stress in a similar situation.

Any

Nicki wrote: »

I may well be wrong but I think at least 2 others (poet and coolcait) also think this isn't as cut and dried as OP likes to portray . They just aren't online right at the moment.

I'm also not arguing, but debating which is different. There are a few (not alias) who are arguing in that they are verging on being abusive

But as on any online post, completely annonymous, we can only go by what OP tells us. Starting to make completely made up assumptions while ignoring other facts (such as hat she did have chance to settle) doesn't get us anywhere and is just going round in circles..

Any

Nicki wrote: »

I don't know how the average person reacts when confronted by someone who has previously bullied them in a public place with an outlandish allegation which has the potential to blow up into a very damaging situation against them. Are they angry, terrified, flabbergasted, confused, stressed or what? Depends on the person i guess. I'd be angry, but I'm not the kind of person who would easily succumb to being bullied at work. Others would end up being signed off sick with stress in a similar situation.

I think the girl who OP was deffending when this 'bullying' you reffer to was taking place would have different take on who is the bully here....
If I remember correctly Thingy bullied some girl in front of others while OP took Thingy to the side!!

Tropez

aliasojo wrote: »

I kinda feel that's just a bit too far fetched tbh. (Not dismissing the meeting part, just the rest. )

I can't help but feel any 'average' person would seek to clarify things if they were approached and told I just had to pay £30 for a tip'. Assuming they were honest and guilt free that is.

To be fair, if someone at work who clearly had an issue with me confronted me about something a week or two after the fact I would assume they were stirring and have no desire to even dignify them with a response.

Nothing to do with guilt and everything to do with not wanting to play some silly schoolyard game.

Nicki

Any wrote: »

But as on any online post, completely annonymous, we can only go by what OP tells us. Starting to make completely made up assumptions while ignoring other facts (such as hat she did have chance to settle) doesn't get us anywhere and is just going round in circles..

Which are the made up assumptions?

I don't deny that OP genuinely believes that thingy is a thief. That isn't the issue. I don't even deny that thingy may well be a thief.

My point, which I made early on in the thread, and stand by even now, is that OP believes thingy is a thief because she didn't like her in the first place, that based on what OP knows and has shared with us, there is no proof that she is correct in her belief, and that therefore she should not be spreading this gossip about thingy without proof and without giving her a proper chance to state her case. I think OP would have handled this whole scenario very differently if it had been one of her workplace friends who settled the bill, and that she has used it as a convenient way to settle some scores with thingy and is behaving very unfairly.

No one should be charged, judged and sentenced to ostracism for what is in reality a criminal offence by their colleagues without being given an opportunity to speak in their own defence. That's just wrong however sure OP is in her own mind that thingy is guilty.