Lunch with Colleagues - don't know what to do

wapow

Nicki wrote: »

In fact refusing to sit next to people you don't like is generally something people grow out of in nursery or at least by the end of KS1. It's beyond petty and immature.

What a ridiculous statement.

You may not feel a thing, sitting next to someone you dont like.

However if i had the choice to sit next to someone i DO like and i know will make my time passing a lot more enjoyable then i WILL sit next to said person who i think i will have fun with.

I dont like shitt so im not going to stand sit or walk on it. Same applies to people.

The stench drives me to sickness.

Nicki

aliasojo wrote: »

This wasn't a work situation that required professionalism and a stoic demeanour, it was a social setting. Social settings normally allow for personal choice/preference.

I disagree. This was a lunch consisting of only work colleagues, where everyone had come from the office to attend the lunch and was going back to the office afterwards. It may not have been organised or paid for by work and attendance was obviously optional (for those who were told about it :cool:) but it was a work situation nonetheless and the OP should have behaved professionally and with good manners.

Do you seriously think that it is fine for example to be rude or unpleasant to colleagues in the work car park before or after work, or to those clustered outside on the pavement having a smoke, or to a colleague staying in the same hotel as you are on a work trip after the business day is over? All of those are broadly equivalent situations.

Nicki

wapow wrote: »

What a ridiculous statement.

You may not feel a thing, sitting next to someone you dont like.

However if i had the choice to sit next to someone i DO like and i know will make my time passing a lot more enjoyable then i WILL sit next to said person who i think i will have fun with.

I dont like shitt so im not going to stand sit or walk on it. Same applies to people.

The stench drives me to sickness.

And you otherwise come across from this post as having impeccable manners :rotfl::rotfl:

aliasojo

Nicki wrote: »

I disagree. This was a lunch consisting of only work colleagues, where everyone had come from the office to attend the lunch and was going back to the office afterwards.

Perhaps so but it's not on a a par with a works xmas do, for example, it was colleagues (who usually socialise together) using their lunch break to socialise together again.

We clearly have opposing views so probably best to agree to disagree.

Nicki

aliasojo wrote: »

Perhaps so but it's not on a a par with a works xmas do, for example, it was colleagues (who usually socialise together) using their lunch break to socialise together again.

We clearly have opposing views so probably best to agree to disagree.

It doesn't have to be on a par with the official Christmas party or a board meeting to make it inappropriate to behave unprofessionally though. Its a reasonable rule of thumb that you should treat all your colleagues with basic manners surely wherever and whenever you come across them? Its kind of difficult for example to deliberately push in in front of a colleague in the queue in Sainsburys on Saturday and give them attitude if they object and be back on a business footing with them on a Monday morning.

Treevo

Nicki wrote: »

Yes if that would have been the natural place to sit based on the way the whole group walked into the restaurant, or a few seats away if that was also the natural place. And made token polite professional conversation too. Making a point of going to the other end of the table is ostentatiously rude and childish.

In fact refusing to sit next to people you don't like is generally something people grow out of in nursery or at least by the end of KS1. It's beyond petty and immature.

Well aren't you a precious flower. It's becoming increasingly clear that you and Thingy are birds of a feather.

Ben84

Well, she could perhaps be unpleasant and dishonest, as the OP suspects - but this isn't about her whole character, it's about one event and even unpleasant dishonest people can make genuine mistakes. So, I think it important not to turn one incident in to a judgement of her, which she could rightly feel is unreasonable behaviour.

Anyway, considering the past issues and how the OP feels about her, I do understand the hesitation to just talk about it to one side - but treating her differently to how you might treat someone you have a better relationship with puts you in a difficult situation where it's obvious you have a problem with her. She can ask difficult questions now, like "why didn't you just come to me first and ask what had happened?".

Unfortunately, you have given her something to potentially moan about, while in fact talking about it with just her in a non-accusatory manner in the first place would have given her nothing really. Well, she could give a rather different account of how you approached the matter, but it's just her word against yours on that and of course she would be unlikely to bring it up with other people anyway as the story has to present her as at the least being forgetful with other people's money.

Nicki

Treevo wrote: »

Well aren't you a precious flower. It's becoming increasingly clear that you and Thingy are birds of a feather.

or that you and the OP are perhaps? Unable to show even token civility to anyone who holds a different opinion to you?

I know nothing about thingy and whether I would or wouldn't like her, or whether she is honest as the day is long or pocketed the tip as OP alleges. And nor do you.

I do know unfairness when I see it. The vast majority of people who read OP's account have decided on the basis of it that thingy is a thief though and deserves to be badly treated. So I guess a large number of people in her office who hear her account without thingy having a right of reply may decide the same.

Imagine thingy's possible thread though:

Before Christmas I went out for lunch with some colleagues for lunch. There was one woman there who has bullied me in the past but fortunately she sat at the other end of the table so I didn't have to sit beside her.

We decided to contribute £x each which covered the meal and the tip but I didn't have any cash and was going to go to the cashpoint to get some. I realised though that it was raining heavily, so instead I paid the bill on my credit card and lifted the cash off the table. [On my way out of the restaurant I handed the waitress the tip element from the cash I had picked up/The bill did not include service, but I added this on using the automatic terminal]

For the last few weeks I have noticed that people in the office seem to be avoiding me, and on several occasions everyone has gone for lunch and pointedly excluded me. Eventually someone told me that the woman who has previously bullied me has spread a rumour around the office that I stole the tip from the table and also that I did not pay for my meal. This is completely untrue but after all this time I have no way to prove my innocence.

What should I do about this woman who is bullying me again and about the nasty atmosphere in the office. No one is speaking to me and I don't feel I can continue like this...

On what has been posted on this thread, either version of events is equally plausible.

aliasojo

Nicki wrote: »

On what has been posted on this thread, either version of events is equally plausible.

If your version is plausible, then why did she react like this?

gibson123 wrote: »

I saw thingy in the corridor and said "i thought you should know I went to the ****** restaurant after work and ****** said we hadn't left a tip, so I left a £30 tip" She mumbled about a meeting and shot of down the stairs. She avoided me for the rest of the day and no offer of giving me any money or explanation appeared.

Even if you allow some leeway (if for example this conversation happened at an inappropriate time or this person was caught on the hop) then why would she not have approached the OP to sort this out?

Any

I can't believe you are still going on to be honest...
Nicki against the world..
It was suggested let's agree to disagree and here we still are...