Lunch with Colleagues - don't know what to do

mountainofdebt

tbh, as this has now appeared on Martin's weekly email, I'm surprised that all hell hasn't broken lose at Gibson's workplace over this .......

Nicki

Any wrote: »

I think the girl who OP was deffending when this 'bullying' you reffer to was taking place would have different take on who is the bully here....
If I remember correctly Thingy bullied some girl in front of others while OP took Thingy to the side!!

That's your interpretation of what happened to make OP dislike thingy. What OP actually said was

gibson123 wrote: »

The grievance accused me of bullying her when I had only taken her aside and asked her to go easier on the junior staff member. The result of this was that the member of staff was transferred into my team from hers, we are on the same level.

There is no suggestion that thingy bullied anyone, just that there was a difference in management style between her and OP. We have no idea whether the junior alleged thingy was bullying her, or whether it was just that (for example) thingy was asking her to perform to a level above her skill set, or not giving her flexible working to fit round childcare issues, etc.

aliasojo

Nicki wrote: »

I don't know how the average person reacts when confronted by someone who has previously bullied them in a public place with an outlandish allegation which has the potential to blow up into a very damaging situation against them.

Ah, I feel that you are stretching things a tad now.

I do wonder why anyone ever posts anything if they are to be immediately subject to disbelief.

I know when coolcait (whose opinion I respect so please don't get me wrong) first encountered my more personal posts, she did question whether I was posting truthfully. Simpy because my 'way' of being so open online was so far removed from hers and her beliefs about what was wise to do,that she found it difficult to believe my comments and that anyone would put so much of themselves out there.

Understandable, BUT I'm as straight as they come and my life is usually so full of stuff to moan about that I've never felt the need to make things up. So in my case particularly, coolcait's concern as to my honesty was misplaced.

All we ever have to go on, is the info that an OP gives us. Whilst asking for clarification can be wise, I do think it's a bit silly to perhaps start casting aspersions over the OP's truthfulness ortake on things, given that we know nothing of the people involved.

Btw, I have wine and nibbles now. I'd share if I could.

aliasojo

Tropez wrote: »

To be fair, if someone at work who clearly had an issue with me confronted me about something a week or two after the fact I would assume they were stirring and have no desire to even dignify them with a response.

Nothing to do with guilt and everything to do with not wanting to play some silly schoolyard game.

I'm surprised tbh.

We're not talking about a silly 'did you say that' kind of situation.

We're talking about a factual situation where money is involved.

I'm honestly surprised to read that people would not strive to clear this up.

Nicki

aliasojo wrote: »

Btw, I have wine and nibbles now. I'd share if I could.

ohh! I had wine with lunch hence why I've posted so much on this subject, but I could always manage another glass

I've got homemade vanilla icecream which I made this morning if you'd like to share..

aliasojo

Nicki wrote: »

That's your interpretation of what happened to make OP dislike thingy. What OP actually said was



There is no suggestion that thingy bullied anyone, just that there was a difference in management style between her and OP. We have no idea whether the junior alleged thingy was bullying her, or whether it was just that (for example) thingy was asking her to perform to a level above her skill set, or not giving her flexible working to fit round childcare issues, etc.

I think that's a fair point.

I suppose it all just comes down to interpretation and belief.

Tropez

aliasojo wrote: »

I'm surprised tbh.

We're not talking about a silly 'did you say that' kind of situation.

We're talking about a factual situation where money is involved.

I'm honestly surprised to read that people would not strive to clear this up.

But why would I?

If this was brought to my attention on the day it happened then I'd want to clear up any misunderstanding. If it was brought to my attention the next day then I'd probably still be receptive but the longer the individual waits the less receptive I'm going to be until it gets to such a point where I would believe they're on a wind up, especially if they've had obvious issues with me in the past.

In my mind, if someone's coming to me more than a week later about something they claim to have known for that length of time, then I'm not buying it and I'm certainly not going to dignify it if I know for a fact that what they're saying isn't correct.

If I said anything, it'd be telling them to take it up with HR and make sure they submit their evidence, otherwise I'll be the one making the formal complaint about them.

aliasojo

Nicki wrote: »

ohh! I had wine with lunch hence why I've posted so much on this subject, but I could always manage another glass

I've got homemade vanilla icecream which I made this morning if you'd like to share..

God, yes. :rotfl:

Why on earth have we reached 2013 (nearly)without taste or smelly vision?!

Nicki

aliasojo wrote: »

All we ever have to go on, is the info that an OP gives us. Whilst asking for clarification can be wise, I do think it's a bit silly to perhaps start casting aspersions over the OP's truthfulness ortake on things, given that we know nothing of the people involved.

But even if OP is completely correct - ie she saw everything there was to see, she didn't miss thingy leave a tip, and the credit card slip backs up the allegation of theft - do you not still think at a minimum the allegation should be put to her properly and her response sought - before the gossip is spread to all and sundry?

If all that happened on this front was a brief snatched conversation in the terms OP reported in the corridor, that is not IMO enough and didn't put the allegation to OP fairly and squarely that she is being accused of stealing.

aliasojo

Tropez wrote: »

But why would I?

If this was brought to my attention on the day it happened then I'd want to clear up any misunderstanding. If it was brought to my attention the next day then I'd probably still be receptive but the longer the individual waits the less receptive I'm going to be until it gets to such a point where I would believe they're on a wind up, especially if they've had obvious issues with me in the past.

In my mind, if someone's coming to me more than a week later about something they claim to have known for that length of time, then I'm not buying it and I'm certainly not going to dignify it if I know for a fact that what they're saying isn't correct.

I find that strange. Things do come to light after the fact and timing wouldn't be something that would bother me.

We really are a varied race aren't we?