grandparents finding grandchildren difficult

Person_one

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I remember him coming home from school once and telling me how his class had been behaving to a teacher who had negligible classroom management skills. He said he had seen tears in the teacher's eyes and he was actually quite upset about it. I asked him how he had behaved and he said he had not joined in with the bullying. He also said that the teacher was not a very good teacher. So we had a talk and we agreed that not joining in was good, and whatever the guy's teaching skills were like, he was still a human being with feelings who deserved to be treated decently. My son continued in that class for the rest of the year and was respectful to the teacher all the way through, even thought the vast majority were not, and got a glowing report at the end.

You write this as though kind children are rare and this story is exceptional, they really aren't and it isn't.

seven-day-weekend

Person_one wrote: »

You write this as though kind children are rare and this story is exceptional, they really aren't and it isn't.

The vast majority of the children in that particular class were not kind!

I do agree with you though that many are.

FBaby

These techniques are as much used to counter the potential for selfishness and self-importance as they are to teach response to the needs of others

I don't think one poster has disagreed with this on this thread. The key is 'need of others'. I've tough my boy to look around him and pay attention to any one who migh need a seat more than him, but some posters here are insisting that it isn't about need, but about a question of adult vs children's rights.

Secondly, as an adult you are often required to demonstrate respect for someone whom you do not hold in high regard. It is an unavoidable facet of human social interaction.

It's not about a matter of high regard or not, it's about fairness. The kid might or might not have high regard for the adult, just like the adult might or might not have high regard for the child. This statement is no better than to say that we should all give things up for those we don't regard highly because that's what respect is all about. Ludicrous and not what I would teach my children.

This is a life skill that is best learned young before adulthood is reached and the lack of a developed coping mechanism gets you into trouble.

The most important skill I am teaching my children is critical appraisal. You don't do things because you are told to do it, or because of some old fashion tradition but because it makes sense for whichever reason. Giving your seat to an elderly person makes sense because they are more at risk of injuring themselves if they stand. Giving it up because they need to learn to respect someone you don't hold in high regards is not a logical reason to me, and worse, in my high is a sign of hypocrite and condescending attitute as in 'I don't hold high regard for you just because you are an adult, but I'll still let you seat down because I'm good like that'...

Sambucus_Nigra

Eton_Rifle wrote: »

These techniques are as much used to counter the potential for selfishness and self-importance as they are to teach response to the needs of others

If anyone needs some training on how not to be selfish and self important, may we start with the bus driver please?

Buttonmoons

My daughter is 6 - I can categorically tell you now that I would not make her give up her seat for an adult (unless there was need - disabled/pregnant/elderly etc) I have to hold onto her with a vice grip when we press the bell and make it to the front as the drivers like to slam the brakes on - there is no way I would be letting her stand to get thrown to the ground.

I have in the past put her on my lap when the bus is crammed - but most of the buses here are filled with students who care not about running my daughter over in their stampede to get on the bus 1st, or swing their oversized rucksacks around with no thought to anyone around them.

My daughter is not rude, she always holds the door open for others, please & thank you, she'd get glare if she thought about running around in a restaurant which would be enough to get her back on her seat sharpish.

Quite frankly, children these days are awful because they have no boundaries and are allowed to get away with whatever, not giving up their seat to someone able bodied merely because they are "older" does not make a child rude.

Id much rather spend my time in the company of children than most "adults", at least they aren't judgemental!

purple.sarah

It's simple, the seat should go to the person least able to stand for the journey. A healthy adult is likely to be more able to stand up on a moving vehicle than a child because children are smaller and weaker. Respect is earned by actions not age and I for one would not respect an adult that expected a child to stand (and possibly fall) on the bus just so they could have a seat!

seven-day-weekend

Oh well, we obviously all have different views on this and obviously different children too, In my day they were able to stand up and balance once they got out of toddlerhood. They've obviously morphed into a different species since then

amus

Eton_Rifle wrote: »

Secondly, as an adult you are often required to demonstrate respect for someone whom you do not hold in high regard. It is an unavoidable facet of human social interaction.

It is very much easier to have lost any natural outrage over this as a 5 year old than as a 25 year old.
This is a life skill that is best learned young before adulthood is reached and the lack of a developed coping mechanism gets you into trouble.

Why is it? Why is it necessary to demonstrate respect for somebody you either disagree with or think is an utter fool?

It has occured to me on a number of occassions those who are perceived to be the 'nicest' people are in fact just better actors and liars.

Whats so wrong about calling a spade a spade when necessary?

I would never expect my child to get up for an able bodied adult. In fact, as an able bodied adult myself I would give up my seat for a young child, I would be mortified if a saw a young child go flying across the bus/train. Ive been in situations where there is actually nowhere for a child to hold on because all the hand bars (the ones that dangle down above your head) are set at adult height level.

purple.sarah

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Oh well, we obviously all have different views on this and obviously different children too, In my day they were able to stand up and balance once they got out of toddlerhood. They've obviously morphed into a different species since then

I didn't say they couldn't stand and balance at all but that a healthy adult is likely to be more able to stand up on a moving vehicle than a child. Also adults can reach the overhead handles. Children aren't a different species, they are the young of our species. It would be nice to remember that and treat them with more care.

seven-day-weekend

purple.sarah wrote: »

I didn't say they couldn't stand and balance at all but that a healthy adult is likely to be more able to stand up on a moving vehicle than a child. Also adults can reach the overhead handles. Children aren't a different species, they are the young of our species. It would be nice to remember that and treat them with more care.

They don't have overhead handles on our buses, they have vertical poles and handles on the edge of the seats which anyone can hold on to.

No, they are not a different species and we are not talking about two-year olds, but about seven upwards.

We will have to agree to differ.