tell me what you think!!!

FatVonD

I firmly believe that one of the worst bits of your partner having an affair is the messing with your head to the point you start doubting your own sanity. For that reason I think you're perfectly justified in going down the recording device route suggested by others so you are making your decision from a point of knowledge.

FBaby

Firstly, can I ask if checking his phone is something you do randomly? (If I was in your situation, I would be surprise if I would find myself doing it, so not asking to be judgemental).

If you do, and until this occasion, you have never found anything to worry about, I would tend to believe that it is nothing to worry about. If however it is a case of 'spur of the moment', then I would certainly be more concerned. Let's face it, what is the likelihood of her calling the one day that you check his phone....

Saying that, the number didn't come with her name or a pretend one. I assume you check his 'sent' box and there was nothing there? This is quite a good sign, but then...she called just when you had been out, and you were then out... again, quite convenient...

As for his excuse...well, assuming he is genuine, just as you are still on tenterhook, he probably his in regards to your worry and is likely to say whatever do reassure you, even if there is nothing to be reassured about.

Two possible scenarios: He has still been seeing her, but has become an expert at hiding it, so making sure that he doesn't have her name/number stored, deleting all his messages immediately. She called him that morning telling him she had something urgent to tell him. He makes up the golf shopping story...he goes, they bicker, he tells her he needs to go as starting to look suspicious, she calls him letter to apologise.

Scenarion two: They have had no contact all all since the affair. She was with someone else but has just broken up with him. She is feeling lonely and wonder if he and you are still together (after all, maybe the affair prompted a separation even if not immediate). She calls to say 'hi', he picks it up without thinking it is her, replies that he has nothing to say to her, hangs up. All innocent, but he is worried that if he tells you that, you will get suspicious that he is lying, or making it up and you start becoming suspicious again, so makes up a story that he is even less plausible!!!!

What I would do in your shoes: think back to the recent weeks. Has his behaviour change, has he had many opportunities to sneak out, has he made up reason to suddenly go out without any evidence when back that he went where he said. Most importantly, how has he been with his phone. Is it normal for him to leave it around or was this unusual for him?

his_wife

not read all your thread, only your opening post, i have been in your shoes, so to speak, and my advice is, go with your instinct, if you think something is amiss, chances are it is!!

Hoping, it is just a general misunderstanding, but once the doubts are sown, its very hard to regain the trust.

jinxy_jane

thanks for all your replies, we spoke on the phone yesterday and he denies even speakng to her, said he has not spoken to her in many many months, he doesnt deny it looks very odd though! so im still in limbo really, if he did speak to her i would imagine in would be in his work time, he works in another town 40 mins away and thats where she also lives even if she doesnt work there anymore! a recording device could be good but i very much doubt he would speak to her whilst the kids are at home, as kids know the situation fully especially the 14 and 12 year old. so doubt i will ever find out for sure, i would imagine he would talk to her whilst walking the dog before i get in from work if she rang him which is always a possibility if they arranged that during work hours this is just one of those situations where i dont think i will ever know the truth and i may have to just swallow it up and carry on in the hope that it has been a mistake, but my guard is up now so i will be on the lookout, will keep you all updated.x

AlTeREgO

As much as it all seems odd and of course given the history, your first thoughts are going to be that something is going on again.

How do you feel about your hubbys explanation, and initial reaction when you confronted him?

personally i'd of thought her number would be stored under a false name on his phone for starters, also with mobile phones being key for most 'cheaters' communication, as it is in most cases these days, i would of thought at the very least he would of put a password lock on his phone if he had something to hide.

As for snooping around in email, facebook, phones and the like, i think this is perfectly acceptable given the circumstances.

rebuilding a relationship after an affair is very hard work, and takes a long time. Good luck to you both.

Sambucus_Nigra

I don't want to put another spanner in the works, but did he make ANY phone calls or texts whilst you were out? It doesn't have to be her number...anyone can put a divert on so that it looks like they are calling a different [new] mobile number but it gets transferred to a different phone; she may have just slipped when calling back this one time.

If he immediately gets on the phone when you are out the door it does indeed look strange. If no calls or texts are made at all while you are out then it could well be just an odd one off mistake. On her part.

peachyprice

Have you asked him if he will change his number to put your mind at rest so that accidents don't happen again?

Kayalana99

peachyprice wrote: »

Have you asked him if he will change his number to put your mind at rest so that accidents don't happen again?

To be fair though, if he was still in contact with her then changing his number is not going to go far as she would be given the new one!

JimmyTheWig

Kayalana99 wrote: »

To be fair though, if he was still in contact with her then changing his number is not going to go far as she would be given the new one!

But if the OP ever found the woman's number on the new phone she would know that her husband had given it to her.

peachyprice

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

But if the OP ever found the woman's number on the new phone she would know that her husband had given it to her.

Exactly. He wouldn't be able to then come up with the 'it was an accident' excuse.